Son has bought it home ......
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: East Midlands UK
Posts: 502
Son has bought it home ......
...... with just one comment.
I hope it is ok to put this link - https://thelincolnite.co.uk/2019/10/...-rising-stars/.
If you scroll down to Owen Lewis, that is my amazingly wonderful son. He has done everything in that article and a lot more.
BUT that very first comment 'During his school years, Owen was a young carer' hurt.
My initial reaction was 'no he blooming well wasn't!' and then I realised, he was. He was a school-aged child (just turned 14 so at the beginning of the most important parts of his education) when I started abusing alcohol.
I may have kept a job down for most of it - though just about keeping to the required standard and using it as an excuse to not do housework - and kept us fed (if ready meals and stuff out of cans counts as cooking). But emotionally I could have been there a lot more for him. Practically I could have done a lot more.
During this time not only did he work his socks off (at his poor performing school) he also kept our household going, caring for the dog and keeping me safe, When I used the excuse of not getting dressed during the day because I worked from home, he'd get back from school and insist I got showered and changed at least for the evening.
The only positive I am feeling at this moment is that in the past I would have (unjustifiably) insulted and use it as an excuse to get drunk and feel sorry for myself. Instead I'm sitting here with a mug of tea and posting on here.
I do apologise if this sounds a bit of a 'self indulgent' post, just the need to get it out somewhere and you are the only people that may understand.
I hope it is ok to put this link - https://thelincolnite.co.uk/2019/10/...-rising-stars/.
If you scroll down to Owen Lewis, that is my amazingly wonderful son. He has done everything in that article and a lot more.
BUT that very first comment 'During his school years, Owen was a young carer' hurt.
My initial reaction was 'no he blooming well wasn't!' and then I realised, he was. He was a school-aged child (just turned 14 so at the beginning of the most important parts of his education) when I started abusing alcohol.
I may have kept a job down for most of it - though just about keeping to the required standard and using it as an excuse to not do housework - and kept us fed (if ready meals and stuff out of cans counts as cooking). But emotionally I could have been there a lot more for him. Practically I could have done a lot more.
During this time not only did he work his socks off (at his poor performing school) he also kept our household going, caring for the dog and keeping me safe, When I used the excuse of not getting dressed during the day because I worked from home, he'd get back from school and insist I got showered and changed at least for the evening.
The only positive I am feeling at this moment is that in the past I would have (unjustifiably) insulted and use it as an excuse to get drunk and feel sorry for myself. Instead I'm sitting here with a mug of tea and posting on here.
I do apologise if this sounds a bit of a 'self indulgent' post, just the need to get it out somewhere and you are the only people that may understand.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
There's no problem posting this as long as you're ok with effectively compromising your anonymity StartAnew,
He seems like a wonderful young man.
You must be very proud of Owen and., despite your guilt, I think that's a testament to you too
D
He seems like a wonderful young man.
You must be very proud of Owen and., despite your guilt, I think that's a testament to you too
D
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Congratulations to your son for his accomplishments. He’s a mature and caring young man. I’m glad you haven’t focused on the wording of his piece but turned it around to a positive. Good for you all around .
.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
They thrive in spite of us, huh? I dunno. Adversity can make certain people stronger, more empathetic, better problem solvers, better in a crisis. Emotionally mature.
I often ask myself why my traumatic childhood kind of took me apart. And my daughters seems to be a super power to her. I think my recognizing my problem and at least trying to change has meant a lot to her. Maybe.
All I know is her life is hers and she's killing it. I actually don't have much to do with her successes or failures really.
And Owen sounds like an amazing, compassionate young man. You should be so proud.
I often ask myself why my traumatic childhood kind of took me apart. And my daughters seems to be a super power to her. I think my recognizing my problem and at least trying to change has meant a lot to her. Maybe.
All I know is her life is hers and she's killing it. I actually don't have much to do with her successes or failures really.
And Owen sounds like an amazing, compassionate young man. You should be so proud.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Congratulations to Owen, I love that his success is completely focused on giving back to others and making things better for others. He has a lot to be proud of.
These are the same qualities I see from you on SR. You support others through what you’ve learned.
I know you must be very proud of Owen, the world needs more kids like him.❤️
These are the same qualities I see from you on SR. You support others through what you’ve learned.
I know you must be very proud of Owen, the world needs more kids like him.❤️
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
But why the need to call himself a child carer of a parent? He’s clearly doing well, so he doesn’t need to use you, to paint himself in a better light, having a difficult childhood background, as the child carer of a parent. To insinuate he succeeded, despite his background.
There was simply no need to add that carer title. If I were you, I’d feel so belittled and publically shamed. I’d contact the newspaper and ask them to remove that ‘carer’ word.
I mean, you were working, keeping a roof over his head, whilst he went to school, and you didn’t start abusing alcohol until he was 14! I’m sorry, but I just see this differently, and I really feel for you. Are you still in communication? Perhaps if you ask, he’ll contact the paper himself and ask for it to be edited.
There was simply no need to add that carer title. If I were you, I’d feel so belittled and publically shamed. I’d contact the newspaper and ask them to remove that ‘carer’ word.
I mean, you were working, keeping a roof over his head, whilst he went to school, and you didn’t start abusing alcohol until he was 14! I’m sorry, but I just see this differently, and I really feel for you. Are you still in communication? Perhaps if you ask, he’ll contact the paper himself and ask for it to be edited.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Originally Posted by Tatsy 
But why the need to call himself a child carer of a parent? He’s clearly doing well, so he doesn’t need to use you, to paint himself in a better light, having a difficult childhood background, as the child carer of a parent. To insinuate he succeeded, despite his background.
There was simply no need to add that carer title. If I were you, I’d feel so belittled and publically shamed. I’d contact the newspaper and ask them to remove that ‘carer’ word.
I mean, you were working, keeping a roof over his head, whilst he went to school, and you didn’t start abusing alcohol until he was 14! I’m sorry, but I just see this differently, and I really feel for you. Are you still in communication? Perhaps if you ask, he’ll contact the paper himself and ask for it to be edited.
There was simply no need to add that carer title. If I were you, I’d feel so belittled and publically shamed. I’d contact the newspaper and ask them to remove that ‘carer’ word.
I mean, you were working, keeping a roof over his head, whilst he went to school, and you didn’t start abusing alcohol until he was 14! I’m sorry, but I just see this differently, and I really feel for you. Are you still in communication? Perhaps if you ask, he’ll contact the paper himself and ask for it to be edited.
I do know that if my son wrote out that he felt he had to care for me as a parent I would feel a whole wild world of emotions, but most of all proud. Be gentle here, this is a very, very delicate subject. I know all too well.
Congratulations dear StartAnew, you have a WONDERFUL son. I hope mine will come out as good, or near to that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: East Midlands UK
Posts: 502
Thank you for your kind responses everyone xx
Tatsy, we shall have to agree to disagree. I am not offended in the slightest by his observation. With total respect, I was in the ‘life’ with my son and I totally understand and accept where he was coming from.
Tatsy, we shall have to agree to disagree. I am not offended in the slightest by his observation. With total respect, I was in the ‘life’ with my son and I totally understand and accept where he was coming from.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Good for you StartAnew, forgiveness is healing. There was some projection in my post, because I know of young adults, who were proper child carers, of physically disabled parents, from a young age, not teenage years, and they coped and schooled themselves. And they never used their parents, to highlight disadvantage, in their resume.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
None of us know the ins and outs of Starts story...not in detail.
I know where you're coming from and I know your hearts in the right place but
you've made your point, the OP doesn't see it the way you do....I think it's time to move on Tatsy
D
I know where you're coming from and I know your hearts in the right place but
you've made your point, the OP doesn't see it the way you do....I think it's time to move on Tatsy
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: East Midlands UK
Posts: 502
I didn’t return to the thread and haven’t read anything at all since my last post on this and will not as I am not going to let anything knock my recovery. I can accept constructive criticism but not ‘attacks’.
I’ve learnt my lesson not to open up on here - happy to talk in the class, the 24 thread and support others but this is my last ‘opening’ post.
Let’s just let this die now please.
I’ve learnt my lesson not to open up on here - happy to talk in the class, the 24 thread and support others but this is my last ‘opening’ post.
Let’s just let this die now please.
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