faith823

Hello,

Woke up this morning with tears in my eyes. I hate waking up from active dreams and realizing your new reality.

I have a pit in my stomach and just can not stop crying.
I miss my job/place/ boyfriend who basically pulled the plug. I really really really want to call him again.
I do not have one cent to my name. My Mother gives me a dollar
at a time for a soda or the basket. Since I can not be trusted with $

I am still in bed and tired so I have that sour stomach. My meeting is in an hour
I know I will feel so much better after the meeting. I think there is another one tonight too.

I think I may be allowed for a walk today if I go without $.
Im sorry for the blabbering . Just raw today.
Today is day 7 and I am grateful for that. This last week has been the long and draining. While drinking the last 10 years have been heart wrenching and draining. I really think I have PTSD on some of the situations I have been in.

I promised myself a day at a time . So I will take today moment by moment and get to my meeting.

Faith

Anna

Day 7 is great, so be proud of yourself.

Lucinda2

Faith, this is not your new reality - it is merely a corridor on your journey. Raw is normal for where you are now but where you are now is but a staging post. Good that you are going to your meeting. Listen when they tell you about the promises of recovery because they are telling you the truth. Keep doing what you are doing and your life is gonna be awesome. The joy of hitting those really crappy low spots is that our lives change beyond measure.

Big congratulations on your 7 days.

Warm wishes
Lucinda

Newbeginning421

I am on day 8 and recently was on a two month bender after having 105 days sober. Even with 105 days sober it was amazing how things dramatically improved . Felt like forever at the time as I wanted everything fixed right away but just being sober for that time led to great new opportunities.

I have been fortunate enough not to throw it all away over the last 2 months and glad to make it back before I did.

I know things seem bleak right now and going through a rough patch but trust me this is not your new reality but just a pit stop on the way to a brighter future.

I felt the same way about my multiple screw ups in the past and trust me had tons but time has a way of healing things when we stay sober stay patient and put in the work good things happen. Hang in there rooting for you!

Coldfusion

Hi Faith! Congratulations on seven days! Today marks seven years sober for my wife and myself, so I have been thinking about the early days of my sobriety. I had not found SoberRecovery yet, but we were going to AA meetings daily. I wish you all the best for a permanent recovery!

saoutchik

7 days is great faith, well done!

For most us in early recovery we are not only trying to stop taking a substance that is both addictive and poisonous but also deal with a ton of other issues our drinking has caused - illness, broken relationships, financial problems, homelessness, DUI's or dealing with a drunken, abusive electronic media post sent to the boss. Unfortunately these things do not fix themselves overnight but staying sober means you are on the path to repair the damage inside and out.

You are doing it right, one day at a time.

wiscsober

Faith...you are not alone on this new path of recovery. Thank you for posting your heartfelt message.

CupofJoe

Seven days is great! It does take some time to start feeling better. Take it day by day. Over time, things do get better, even if it doesn't feel like that now.

Enjoy the meeting tonight.

What are some other things you're grateful for? Practicing gratitude has helped me a lot in recovery.

Wishing you a good day.

faith823

You guys are just awesome! Thanks so much for the encouragement and loving thoughts! I am crying again but it is the good ole cathartic tears.

My meeting was wonderful. Even told some folks about these boards.
I was able to make my parents a wonderful broccoli rabe/sausage pasta dish.
Love cooking takes my mind off a lot.

Congrats on all your recovery ! 7 years that is just magnificent. Both for you and your wife. I am trying to fix everything and even if I could I am not healthy enough to maintain it.
You guys are so special and hope to keep connecting with you!

The post about the electronic message to the boss made me LOL
and congrats on day 8 lets keep doing this together.

Now off to find my glasses. I had them on my head very absent minded.

Maybe a walk/hot bath then back on my boards.

I also been reading Came to believe I can not get enough of that book. So inspiring

thank you . I wish everyone a safe , nurturing and sober Friday evening.

faith823

I am grateful I am still alive.
I am grateful I have received the gift of desperation
I am grateful I am not homeless and have my parents who are both alive.
I am grateful for my puppy.
I am grateful I have faith and a HP
I am grateful I have another chance and to move on
I am grateful that I am not ashamed of being an alcoholic
I am grateful for Sober recovery
I am grateful I am not alone
I am grateful for AA
I am grateful for this new laptop my Mom just got me *lost orig of course*
I am grateful that I am able to cry and feel my feelings.

CupofJoe

That's the spirit!

Kaily

Thinking of you Faith. Things will get better, give it time.

Well done on getting to the meeting and cooking. Sounds like your doing okay.

faith823

Thank you! read your post this morning. Congrats on your year.
Our stories are very similar. MY BP was 180 as well while detoxing.
At one point my alcohol level was.458 not sure how I am alive.
Today blood pressure today 144 and .000 blood alcohol level.

Keep going I am so proud and admire you so much Kaily

Hevyn

7 days is wonderful, Faith. Just know that you aren't going to feel sad & lost forever. I think you already started to feel better today. The adjustment was rough for me, too in the early days. Much better, brighter days are coming. I'm so glad you reclaimed your life.

faith823

Thank you Hevyn. I am ready to ask for help when I need it now.
I think this will make all the difference in the world. I feel like a switch went off in my soul this last time around. Alcohol wants me dead I have no use for it.
Thank you for your support. I am safe and in for the night. Tomorrow Saturday will feel alot better than last Saturday at least physically.
Emotionally I am all over the place but I feel the good feelings too.
Its healthy for me to feel the pain I have put it off for a long long time.

Dee74

Things will get better Faith congrats on your week

D

faith823

Thank you Dee for your never ending support

Dark and getting cold here in Boston- Um under the covers sober

nice and cozy

least

Congrats on the first of many sober weeks! Keep going, it gets better.

faith823

Thank you Least you have been very caring!

Tetrax

I'm getting a little lost reading Infinite Jest - the 1,000 page recovery novel I'm working my way through, partly set in Boston AA meetings. It's not easy but has some brilliant moments. Much like recovery itself