I’m not going to drink over it...
I’m not going to drink over it...
... but I’m going to take some sage advice I’ve gotten over the years on SR and post about my concerns rather than letting my mind runaway with itself.
So, my 9 month old soon to be 10 month old has been consistently delayed with her developmental milestones. Her pediatrician has noted the delay but wasn’t too concerned and said we’ll just keep a close eye on it.
Well, she just had her check up and now her pediatrician is concerned enough to refer her to a neurologist.
I don’t know what a neurologist could tell me but I got anxiety and overwhelming guilt. Did I do this to her? Am I properly facilitating her development? Should I be doing more? Is this because I drank while trying to get pregnant? When I found out I was pregnant, it was the day after a binge and I was hung over. I never picked up again after but I smoked and drank heavily prior. I even think I conceived while intoxicated.
I was 100% honest with my OBGYN about it and she said it would be fine as long as I continued to abstain but I have my doubts.
I don’t know. Just thought I’d come her and vent to you kind folks. Since I am a very private person and my mother in law loves to gossip, I don’t feel comfortable reaching out to my husbands family until I know for sure there is something to share and I don’t have any family of my own.
Please don’t let my alcoholism be the reason.. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself if my drinking hurt my baby. I don’t think I could survive it.
So, my 9 month old soon to be 10 month old has been consistently delayed with her developmental milestones. Her pediatrician has noted the delay but wasn’t too concerned and said we’ll just keep a close eye on it.
Well, she just had her check up and now her pediatrician is concerned enough to refer her to a neurologist.
I don’t know what a neurologist could tell me but I got anxiety and overwhelming guilt. Did I do this to her? Am I properly facilitating her development? Should I be doing more? Is this because I drank while trying to get pregnant? When I found out I was pregnant, it was the day after a binge and I was hung over. I never picked up again after but I smoked and drank heavily prior. I even think I conceived while intoxicated.
I was 100% honest with my OBGYN about it and she said it would be fine as long as I continued to abstain but I have my doubts.
I don’t know. Just thought I’d come her and vent to you kind folks. Since I am a very private person and my mother in law loves to gossip, I don’t feel comfortable reaching out to my husbands family until I know for sure there is something to share and I don’t have any family of my own.
Please don’t let my alcoholism be the reason.. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself if my drinking hurt my baby. I don’t think I could survive it.
... but I’m going to take some sage advice I’ve gotten over the years on SR and post about my concerns rather than letting my mind runaway with itself.
So, my 9 month old soon to be 10 month old has been consistently delayed with her developmental milestones. Her pediatrician has noted the delay but wasn’t too concerned and said we’ll just keep a close eye on it.
Well, she just had her check up and now her pediatrician is concerned enough to refer her to a neurologist.
I don’t know what a neurologist could tell me but I got anxiety and overwhelming guilt. Did I do this to her? Am I properly facilitating her development? Should I be doing more? Is this because I drank while trying to get pregnant? When I found out I was pregnant, it was the day after a binge and I was hung over. I never picked up again after but I smoked and drank heavily prior. I even think I conceived while intoxicated.
I was 100% honest with my OBGYN about it and she said it would be fine as long as I continued to abstain but I have my doubts.
I don’t know. Just thought I’d come her and vent to you kind folks. Since I am a very private person and my mother in law loves to gossip, I don’t feel comfortable reaching out to my husbands family until I know for sure there is something to share and I don’t have any family of my own.
Please don’t let my alcoholism be the reason.. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself if my drinking hurt my baby. I don’t think I could survive it.
So, my 9 month old soon to be 10 month old has been consistently delayed with her developmental milestones. Her pediatrician has noted the delay but wasn’t too concerned and said we’ll just keep a close eye on it.
Well, she just had her check up and now her pediatrician is concerned enough to refer her to a neurologist.
I don’t know what a neurologist could tell me but I got anxiety and overwhelming guilt. Did I do this to her? Am I properly facilitating her development? Should I be doing more? Is this because I drank while trying to get pregnant? When I found out I was pregnant, it was the day after a binge and I was hung over. I never picked up again after but I smoked and drank heavily prior. I even think I conceived while intoxicated.
I was 100% honest with my OBGYN about it and she said it would be fine as long as I continued to abstain but I have my doubts.
I don’t know. Just thought I’d come her and vent to you kind folks. Since I am a very private person and my mother in law loves to gossip, I don’t feel comfortable reaching out to my husbands family until I know for sure there is something to share and I don’t have any family of my own.
Please don’t let my alcoholism be the reason.. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself if my drinking hurt my baby. I don’t think I could survive it.
I'm sure if an obgyn has said it's ok then it is. They would know the specific signs of a child who has developmental concerns due to alcohol.
When you get some answers it should be easier to get on with coping with whatever the situation is.
Well done for not drinking, you sound like a fantastic mother
Being a mother is a very hard job and it's not surprising that you are feeling a lot of guilt. It seems to go with the territory. I'm sorry about the issues your daughter and you are facing, but, the main thing now is to learn whatever you can about what is happening with her, and to find out what you can do to help. If there is something going on, the more you can learn and be prepared, the better it will be for your child.
I hope that you get some good news when you see the neurologist.
I hope that you get some good news when you see the neurologist.
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Hey new hope. Yep I agree with Anna , feeling guilt seems to come with the territory of being a mummy especially as alcoholics. At least it is that way for me. Of course you are worried that is only natural but please try not to project too much. My mind can have me believing the worst case scenario and every time the outcome was never as bad as I imagined it to be.
I drank whilst I was trying to get pregnant. A lot . I had my monthly cycle or what I thought was my monthly cycle and continued. It actually turned out to be implantation bleeding and I was pregnant and didn't know and I had 2 nights out where I drank really heavily. Vodka shots and all sorts. After 4 pregnancy tests showed positive I was in bits. I was so worried I had damaged my baby. I called my doctor and he said don't worry! That as long as I stopped then and there it would be fine. Unfortunately, as ashamed as I am to say this, I did drink during my pregnancy. Not much and not often but I didn't completely stop. My daughter is (thank God) all ok. She is 7 now. I am no doctor certainly no neurologist but I do think that whatever this is it is highly unlikely it is either alcohol related or down to your ability as a mother. My friends daughter is behind on her milestones at the moment. Some children do take a bit longer to catch up. Ok, she has not been referred to a neurologist but that doesnt mean to say she wont be if it continues. A neurologist may see your daughter and say she is perfectly fine. If they do find further issues, then she will be in the right hands and you will be able to deal with whatever comes your way as you are sober!
I drank whilst I was trying to get pregnant. A lot . I had my monthly cycle or what I thought was my monthly cycle and continued. It actually turned out to be implantation bleeding and I was pregnant and didn't know and I had 2 nights out where I drank really heavily. Vodka shots and all sorts. After 4 pregnancy tests showed positive I was in bits. I was so worried I had damaged my baby. I called my doctor and he said don't worry! That as long as I stopped then and there it would be fine. Unfortunately, as ashamed as I am to say this, I did drink during my pregnancy. Not much and not often but I didn't completely stop. My daughter is (thank God) all ok. She is 7 now. I am no doctor certainly no neurologist but I do think that whatever this is it is highly unlikely it is either alcohol related or down to your ability as a mother. My friends daughter is behind on her milestones at the moment. Some children do take a bit longer to catch up. Ok, she has not been referred to a neurologist but that doesnt mean to say she wont be if it continues. A neurologist may see your daughter and say she is perfectly fine. If they do find further issues, then she will be in the right hands and you will be able to deal with whatever comes your way as you are sober!
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
Did the Dr. explain to you what he thinks the delays are caused by? I know we jump to blaming ourselves..but I feel like the Dr. didn't give you enough information to keep you calm.
If this were me I would call the office and tell them you were shooken up at the time of the visit and you have questions...write them down....I would ask is there a name for these developmental delays he is mentioning?
I just think we jump to blame ourselves...my daughter in law was on Methadone (prescribed) thru her whole pregnancy...the baby had to be held for a couple extra days to detox from the Methadone...but she is the smartest, cutest, perfect little girl....
Its not you.
If this were me I would call the office and tell them you were shooken up at the time of the visit and you have questions...write them down....I would ask is there a name for these developmental delays he is mentioning?
I just think we jump to blame ourselves...my daughter in law was on Methadone (prescribed) thru her whole pregnancy...the baby had to be held for a couple extra days to detox from the Methadone...but she is the smartest, cutest, perfect little girl....
Its not you.
Thanks everyone for your kindness and support.
Missy, I took your advice and messaged my doctor asking what could some of the causes be for her delays.
Like I said, I have no idea what the neurologist will be looking for. I guess give her some physical tests to assess her motor skills? Are they going to scan her little brain?
Oh well, I won’t find out till Tuesday when I can schedule an appointment. I’m sure they can give me a little more information about what kinds of tests they want to perform after the neurologist looks over her file.
Missy, I took your advice and messaged my doctor asking what could some of the causes be for her delays.
Like I said, I have no idea what the neurologist will be looking for. I guess give her some physical tests to assess her motor skills? Are they going to scan her little brain?
Oh well, I won’t find out till Tuesday when I can schedule an appointment. I’m sure they can give me a little more information about what kinds of tests they want to perform after the neurologist looks over her file.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 349
NH,
I used to work with young children with developmental delays. Sometimes we knew the cause, often not. Often cause was less important...the main purpose of the program was to intervene early and support the child in every way in their development.
Research shows that intervention in the birth-3 window and beyond can help kids to “catch up” and/or maximize their abilities in areas where they need support. There are scores of therapies and strategies available, and developmental screenings have become a routine part of health care and early schooling for that reason.
It’s great that your doctor is making this referral to open the door to assistance that may be needed. As parents, I think we all tend to worry that we didn’t do everything perfect, and when something is wrong we tend to look for the cause within ourselves. The important thing is that you are sober now, and your ongoing sobriety is absolutely the best gift you can give your little one.
Try not to worry. Being a mom is tough stuff. I hope your upcoming visits go well.
-bora
I used to work with young children with developmental delays. Sometimes we knew the cause, often not. Often cause was less important...the main purpose of the program was to intervene early and support the child in every way in their development.
Research shows that intervention in the birth-3 window and beyond can help kids to “catch up” and/or maximize their abilities in areas where they need support. There are scores of therapies and strategies available, and developmental screenings have become a routine part of health care and early schooling for that reason.
It’s great that your doctor is making this referral to open the door to assistance that may be needed. As parents, I think we all tend to worry that we didn’t do everything perfect, and when something is wrong we tend to look for the cause within ourselves. The important thing is that you are sober now, and your ongoing sobriety is absolutely the best gift you can give your little one.
Try not to worry. Being a mom is tough stuff. I hope your upcoming visits go well.
-bora
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 349
Honestly, info about another child’s experience would be useless because all kids are unique with their own special abilities and needs. A caring doc like your pediatrician will consider your little one and proceed accordingly. That’s why it’s so important for parents (myself included) to go easy on the google searches and not try to project too much into the future. Easier said than done, I know.
Kids are such a gift. But the truth is, as parents (and as people), all we can do is our best, and try to do a little better tomorrow.
-bora
Kids are such a gift. But the truth is, as parents (and as people), all we can do is our best, and try to do a little better tomorrow.
-bora
hello newhope,
as others said, feelings of guilt and selfblame come with parent territory, esp. when drinking was involved. (i, too, drank until i knew i was pregnant)
no wonder you have tons of questions. the ones to concentrate on are the ones about how to facilitate her ongoing development and growing/learning, what you can add, what you need to learn to help her and/or what support you can get with this.
looking into the past is not useful for that.
so good to hear you will be seeing a specialist and sounds like you have a doc you can trust to talk with and give you the right help.
as others said, feelings of guilt and selfblame come with parent territory, esp. when drinking was involved. (i, too, drank until i knew i was pregnant)
no wonder you have tons of questions. the ones to concentrate on are the ones about how to facilitate her ongoing development and growing/learning, what you can add, what you need to learn to help her and/or what support you can get with this.
looking into the past is not useful for that.
so good to hear you will be seeing a specialist and sounds like you have a doc you can trust to talk with and give you the right help.
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
Sending hugs your way. Being a mom is such a tough job. I harbor my own mom guilt about drinking and smoking while pregnant. I quit drinking when I found out I was pregnant (about 6 weeks) and cut down on smoking. My son has issues. Is my behavior the cause of his issues? Possibly.
Im working very hard to not let that guilt get in the way of what I need to do for him. My job now is to take care of him. It’s hard though and I get where you are coming from. You are taking all the right steps to help your daughter. A sober, caring mom will be the best thing for getting her needs met.
Im working very hard to not let that guilt get in the way of what I need to do for him. My job now is to take care of him. It’s hard though and I get where you are coming from. You are taking all the right steps to help your daughter. A sober, caring mom will be the best thing for getting her needs met.
Thanks everyone for your support! It’s helps to know that I’m not alone with the guilt.
I took my little one to a Halloween bash hosted by my city and then to her cousins birthday party and everyone was fawning over her. They kept commenting on how alert she was and how well behaved for a 9 month old. I didn’t answer their questions on whether she was crawling or standing up on her own yet.
All the ladies were passing her around as she smiled and cooed. She loved the attention. No stranger danger with this baby.
This morning my husband brought her into my room and laid her on the bed and propped her up on a pillow. He turned on PBS kids and she got so excited she pulled herself up into a sitting position! That was a first. My doctor is hoping she is still just one month behind and if that’s the case, she should be pulling herself to stand and sitting up on her own in a few weeks.
I’ll post an update after we see a neurologist. I’m sure she’s fine. I was a late bloomer too. I didn’t learn how to read till I was in the first grade and then got published when I was in college. Of course, I was neglected and left alone all the time so I’m sure if I had more human interaction I probably wouldn’t have been a late bloomer. But who knows?
Anyway, I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing and wait to see what the neurologist suggests.
I took my little one to a Halloween bash hosted by my city and then to her cousins birthday party and everyone was fawning over her. They kept commenting on how alert she was and how well behaved for a 9 month old. I didn’t answer their questions on whether she was crawling or standing up on her own yet.
All the ladies were passing her around as she smiled and cooed. She loved the attention. No stranger danger with this baby.
This morning my husband brought her into my room and laid her on the bed and propped her up on a pillow. He turned on PBS kids and she got so excited she pulled herself up into a sitting position! That was a first. My doctor is hoping she is still just one month behind and if that’s the case, she should be pulling herself to stand and sitting up on her own in a few weeks.
I’ll post an update after we see a neurologist. I’m sure she’s fine. I was a late bloomer too. I didn’t learn how to read till I was in the first grade and then got published when I was in college. Of course, I was neglected and left alone all the time so I’m sure if I had more human interaction I probably wouldn’t have been a late bloomer. But who knows?
Anyway, I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing and wait to see what the neurologist suggests.
Update
Turns out my little one has hypotonia. But it should be corrected with physical therapy. She also was referred to a food therapist to help with her refusal to eat any solids.
The neurologist assured me that it’s nothing I did or didn’t do and that her condition will likely resolve within 3 months of physical therapy.
I have to take her for a blood draw for FIVE tests!! I don’t know how they plan to get that blood. Should prove to be fun..🙄
The neurologist assured me that it’s nothing I did or didn’t do and that her condition will likely resolve within 3 months of physical therapy.
I have to take her for a blood draw for FIVE tests!! I don’t know how they plan to get that blood. Should prove to be fun..🙄
I’m falling victim to dr. Google and don’t like what I’m reading.. looks like this could be permanent if it doesn’t resolve itself in therapy.
Starting to let it sink in and I’m not too happy about any of this.
My poor baby.. I wish there was something more I could do then wait for the referrals to be processed.
Starting to let it sink in and I’m not too happy about any of this.
My poor baby.. I wish there was something more I could do then wait for the referrals to be processed.
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