jessieandme2003

So this was my first Thanksgiving after splitting with my AH.

How was it? Very nice indeed.

Yes, as you can expect, there were plenty of mixed emotions. But they were primarily caused by the fact I am still learning how to just enjoy myself, and not have all my time taken up focusing on 'him'. It feels like a gap at first, then slowly becomes a gift. The gift of time.

No fights with him on where we are going, or when. Or how much he drinks before, or how much he plan to bring to drink there. Or that I have to be responsible for making the things we are supposed to bring, while he sits and watches TV.

I didn't miss those feelings one bit. :-)

I enjoyed watching the Macy's parade on the couch under a blanket all morning, and not having him to change the channel, or say how stupid it is to watch the parade. I can't begin to tell you how much I don't miss that self-absorbed lump on my couch.

Jessie and Me were invited to family dinner with my best girlfriend. I was touched by the invite, they are people I've known all my life, so I happily accepted. I was also invited to the family dinner of a new guy I am dating, but chose not to take that step. Yet it warms me to know we weren't in any way going to be alone, we actually had two choices!

I felt pangs of sadness at moments, because I loved my holidays with my in-laws, they are the best people. Change is hard. But I will see those in-laws I love sometime during the weekend, and still get to visit and enjoy, without being there during a 'family' event when my ex should feel welcome there.

Life after my AH is peaceful this Thanksgiving, and the occassional pangs of missing him (yes, all we codies have them) have been slowly turning into moments I can stop and think of a happy time with him. I can enjoy the memory, be glad I had it, and yet also know it wasn't worth the bad. That helps me to not slip into wishing for the past, but yet allowing myself to still enjoy a few memories of it.

Happy Holiday to all.

Gabe

Ah Spunky. Your post made me smile big.
I'm glad you and Jessie and a good holiday.
The gap that becomes a gift, what a great way of looking at things.
Hugs,
Gabe

DefofLov

I too enjoyed Thanxgiving without my Alcoholic Mom for the first time. She is very mad at me and will not speak to me anymore but then I reflect on my relationship with her and realize we never really had one. She has always had some twisted relationship with herself and everyone else is apart of it. I don't know if that makes any sense but what I am saying is that she is extremely selfish. I get tired of being her nurse when I am home. I get tired of no one listening to me and not thinking about how I feel or what I want or what I need.

So, I came to see me sweetheart. I had a nice time. I felt a little guilty from time to time. I called home once and one person talked to me like I wasn't a person, then I talked to my Grandmother and she just said she missed me and I should be home. My mother said she would call me back later but I knew she wouldn't. After the phone call I enjoyed the rest of my time away. In the city I love with the guy I love.

Their Thanxgiving was so much different from mine. They were drinking but none of them were out of control. They were not drinking to be theirselves. You know? They were drinking for the right reasons. Without alcohol my family doesn't know how to be theirselves. No one was trying to control everything. No one was yelling at the children. No one was telling me what I need to do or what I better do. No one made me feel uncomfortable by making me get up and do something for them everytime I sat down. Everyone had a nice time. No arguing, no annoying drunks, no needy drunks, no condescending people. It was really really nice.

*hugs to you, Jessie, and Gabe*