Why I won’t drink this weekend
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Why I won’t drink this weekend
So this weekend, it looks like I will be home by myself all day Saturday until mid afternoon on Sunday. That’s right, no husband and kids. The guys will be off doing some guy thing, eldest will be heading out of town, little one has a sleepover. It’s going to be GLORIOUS. My house is going to be so clean, I can watch whatever stupid movie I want, or maybe I’ll just read the whole time.
But this is where my AV decides to insert itself into my thoughts:
— I should go on and drink because wouldn’t it be nice to watch that movie with a big glass of wine (keeping the rest of the bottle within reach)?
— no one would know
— after 9 sober months, what is one night?
— maybe I was overreacting about my drinking and I don’t really have a problem. After all, I’m doing so well...
But the smart part of my brain says:
— what if Bonnie Jr #3 gets scared at the sleepover and I have to go get her?
— I don’t really want to drink. Like when I really, really think about it I realize I don’t want to. Wanting a drink is just an old habit that resurfaces from time to time. It’s not rooted in any real desire or need.
— I want to actually enjoy my “me time” and remember it on Sunday
— I don’t want to have to hide anything
— previous experience tells me that YES, I do have a drinking problem; stop being stupid, Bonnie.
— I might not be able to stop
— remember hangovers?
— I might miss my Sunday morning cycling class. Which doesn’t sound that bad, but if I miss a workout I want it to be due to laziness, not a hangover.
— the pooch needs his walkies
— yeah ....... I really don’t want to drink. Now that I think about it, it doesn’t even sound good.
Anyway, I started thinking about drinking a lot today, and it worried me because those thoughts have a tendency to become more insistent. But telling on myself helps. When I type it all up, it clearly makes no sense to drink and I don’t even want to.
But this is where my AV decides to insert itself into my thoughts:
— I should go on and drink because wouldn’t it be nice to watch that movie with a big glass of wine (keeping the rest of the bottle within reach)?
— no one would know
— after 9 sober months, what is one night?
— maybe I was overreacting about my drinking and I don’t really have a problem. After all, I’m doing so well...
But the smart part of my brain says:
— what if Bonnie Jr #3 gets scared at the sleepover and I have to go get her?
— I don’t really want to drink. Like when I really, really think about it I realize I don’t want to. Wanting a drink is just an old habit that resurfaces from time to time. It’s not rooted in any real desire or need.
— I want to actually enjoy my “me time” and remember it on Sunday
— I don’t want to have to hide anything
— previous experience tells me that YES, I do have a drinking problem; stop being stupid, Bonnie.
— I might not be able to stop
— remember hangovers?
— I might miss my Sunday morning cycling class. Which doesn’t sound that bad, but if I miss a workout I want it to be due to laziness, not a hangover.
— the pooch needs his walkies
— yeah ....... I really don’t want to drink. Now that I think about it, it doesn’t even sound good.
Anyway, I started thinking about drinking a lot today, and it worried me because those thoughts have a tendency to become more insistent. But telling on myself helps. When I type it all up, it clearly makes no sense to drink and I don’t even want to.
The cravings to drink will diminish in time. I found that after a year sober I didn't think about it much. 
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Great post! Good for you on 9 months. I have not read one post on this site that spoke about the joys of continuing to drink after a period of sobriety. Instead they are always quite awful and remind me it is absolutely not worth it!
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
But this is where my AV decides to insert itself into my thoughts:
it is wise to recognize the voices immediately and then shut them down. do not argue, debate, defend, rationalize or justify.
reaffirm that you do NOT drink. period. at all. no matter what.
then get on with living.
it's like discovering a leak under the washing machine with a load going.
we have two choices.
-hit the STOP button on the washer and stop the water flow.
-let the cycle run to completion and watch the water get ankle deep, seeping into the wall boards and causing further damage and go back to the netflix movie.
the longer we engage in "why drinking might be a good idea" the farther away we get from our unshakable promise to ourselves that drinking is not an option, EVER. for that is what the commitment to sobriety really is...........our pact with ourselves to eradicate alcohol as an excuse or salve or solution. because it is none of those things.
find me one post here on SR that says different.
find me one post that says I started drinking again and my life is FANTASTIC.
it is wise to recognize the voices immediately and then shut them down. do not argue, debate, defend, rationalize or justify.
reaffirm that you do NOT drink. period. at all. no matter what.
then get on with living.
it's like discovering a leak under the washing machine with a load going.
we have two choices.
-hit the STOP button on the washer and stop the water flow.
-let the cycle run to completion and watch the water get ankle deep, seeping into the wall boards and causing further damage and go back to the netflix movie.
the longer we engage in "why drinking might be a good idea" the farther away we get from our unshakable promise to ourselves that drinking is not an option, EVER. for that is what the commitment to sobriety really is...........our pact with ourselves to eradicate alcohol as an excuse or salve or solution. because it is none of those things.
find me one post here on SR that says different.
find me one post that says I started drinking again and my life is FANTASTIC.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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I liked the title to your thread. It must be a bugger when that AV comes to tell you a drink might work out. I was never able to put up much of a fight after that kind of thinking was upon me.
So I got to thinking I am unlikely to drink this weekend because it is many years, in fact it goes back to my first few days sober, since that kind of thinking appeared in my mind. Strange, but it just never occurs to me to drink. It is like the problem was removed, my mind just naturally goes to other thoughts.
It is remarkable too because no one can control what the next thought that comes into their head will be, yet the thought that a drink would be okay has never come. I hope it never does, and if I keep doing what I am doing, there is no reason to think that it will.
So I got to thinking I am unlikely to drink this weekend because it is many years, in fact it goes back to my first few days sober, since that kind of thinking appeared in my mind. Strange, but it just never occurs to me to drink. It is like the problem was removed, my mind just naturally goes to other thoughts.
It is remarkable too because no one can control what the next thought that comes into their head will be, yet the thought that a drink would be okay has never come. I hope it never does, and if I keep doing what I am doing, there is no reason to think that it will.
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Originally Posted by Gottalife 
Strange, but it just never occurs to me to drink. It is like the problem was removed, my mind just naturally goes to other thoughts.
Nowadays the thoughts are more fleeting, and not really powerful enough to even call it a craving. Just a realization that I could have a drink, or a memory of how I used to enjoy drinking, followed by me reminding myself of all the reasons I don’t actually want to do that.
Im getting better at making my AV shut up. Posting or just reading here helps.
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Originally Posted by SoberRican
For me its like why test the waters. I'm sure boozing is not your first rodeo. Let me tell ya booze is one bucking bronco. Might buck you so hard you might not get up . just saying. Again this is my view of it.
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Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
I really love how you wrote this all out...and came up with more cons than pros..I especially identify with "What if Bonnie Jr #3 is scared at the sleepover"...because when I drink I always pray nothing happens at my Dads house that I have to be present for in the middle of the night.....
You got this! Congratulations on 9 months Bonnie!
You got this! Congratulations on 9 months Bonnie!
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Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by Bonniefloyd
Anyway, I started thinking about drinking a lot today, and it worried me because those thoughts have a tendency to become more insistent. But telling on myself helps. When I type it all up, it clearly makes no sense to drink and I don’t even want to.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by Bonniefloyd
It must be nice to have beaten it with such ease. It’s like when my dad quit smoking, he just decided to quit, and that was that. I wish I could have quit drinking so easily, but for me it took several day ones, and I had to learn how to put my AV in its place. I’ve had to realize that having thoughts about drinking is okay, and just because I think something doesn’t mean I have to do it.
Nowadays the thoughts are more fleeting, and not really powerful enough to even call it a craving. Just a realization that I could have a drink, or a memory of how I used to enjoy drinking, followed by me reminding myself of all the reasons I don’t actually want to do that.
Im getting better at making my AV shut up. Posting or just reading here helps.
I do remember some occasions where I set out to drink, and the thoughts that were in my mind at the time. One occasion was minutes after I had had a major scare (in court) about the consequences of my drinking. I got out of court, looked across the road at a bar, and the thought came that I would (I never could do this) just have a couple to relax after my court experience. I was aiming for that good feeling that used to come after two or three drinks when I first discovered alcohol. That was always what I aimed for but I always overshot. All I wanted to do was feel ok for a while, yet later that night I was arrested again. I couldn't believe it. I did not set out to do that. The point is my memory failed to protect me.
To me it is amazing, in a good way, that you can spot the thought and resist it in a logical and sane way. I could never do that. I ended up following a program in which one of its promises is the the problem will be removed and will no longer exist for me, and so it has proved to be. I didn't come to stop drinking BTW, I was beyond connecting those dots, I just wanted the misery to stop.
I also had a rehab experience which came from that court business. I was in a group of ten fairly hopeless cases. I was the youngest. Two of the group went to AA when they were discharged, and they are both still sober today. By the time I got to AA about a year later, the seven others were all dead.
Just a bit of my story which in summary makes the point that for me I didn't have a hope of fighting the thoughts, instead I was put in a position where I didn't have to because they never came. In this way, though I lost the power of choice, the whole concept of choice in respect of alcohol has been made redundant because the question never comes up.
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Thank you for sharing that, Gotalife; I get where you’re coming from now. You’ve been through some harrowing stuff, and I’m so glad you’re sober and doing well now. I think we’re all headed down the same path; some just get off the path at different points while others drink themselves to the grave. I wish I had recognized my alcoholic tendencies earlier and turned things around years ago, when I was just becoming a nightly drinker, or even before that, when I first started having thoughts like “I need a drink.” Oh well, I’m here now. Anyway, I really appreciate your story; thank you.
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Posts: 652
Hi Bonniefloyd,
Your post made me smile because I posted this around 2 weeks ago when my husband was going away;
"I am around 70 days and my AV has been telling me that I didn't really have a problem and never drinking again really doesn't sound much fun. My husband is going away for a week this coming Thursday and I will be home alone for the first time since I quit. Home alone was one of my favourite ways to drink and my AV has been going nuts. It has been telling me that I can crack open a bottle of wine Saturday night, dispose of it in a bin in the park and no-one will ever know about my little lapse.
Right there in that thinking, I know that drinking is not for me. I mean that is crazy right? It is not even thinking that I can have a nice glass of wine or two. I am thinking bottle and then the disposing of it in a dog poo bin!"
Anyway, I made it through Bonniefloyd, albeit with a bit of white-knuckling at times. Something about your post tells me that you will do just fine too.
Your post made me smile because I posted this around 2 weeks ago when my husband was going away;
"I am around 70 days and my AV has been telling me that I didn't really have a problem and never drinking again really doesn't sound much fun. My husband is going away for a week this coming Thursday and I will be home alone for the first time since I quit. Home alone was one of my favourite ways to drink and my AV has been going nuts. It has been telling me that I can crack open a bottle of wine Saturday night, dispose of it in a bin in the park and no-one will ever know about my little lapse.
Right there in that thinking, I know that drinking is not for me. I mean that is crazy right? It is not even thinking that I can have a nice glass of wine or two. I am thinking bottle and then the disposing of it in a dog poo bin!"
Anyway, I made it through Bonniefloyd, albeit with a bit of white-knuckling at times. Something about your post tells me that you will do just fine too.
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Originally Posted by Lucinda2
Right there in that thinking, I know that drinking is not for me. I mean that is crazy right? It is not even thinking that I can have a nice glass of wine or two. I am thinking bottle and then the disposing of it in a dog poo bin!"
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