Joe787

I was never drunk at work, but I did get in the habit of making a very strong drink before work in order to stave off shakes (sometimes two, which would lead to a buzz) and I'd have another at lunch to get through the afternoon.

Today was my first time having done neither. There were no shakes, since I've been sober since Thursday, but man did my anxiety go through the roof. I also drank way too much caffeine prior to getting in, which just increased my anxiety. Everyone was so chatty and I kind of retreated into my work. And because the bosses were out of town, and I'm next in line, I was being asked question after question. When lunch time came, it crossed my mind to just get a little in me. But I didn't.

Something stuck out to me in my first thread here since coming back, along the lines of "you have to do something different, man." If I went and got that pint, I just would have bought more after work and it would have started all over again.

And the fact that I got through it possibly made me a little stronger for tomorrow. And eventually I'll just feel comfortable in my own skin. It's a slow process, but I have to face reality and develop a real, strong self to deal with life. Otherwise, I'm no more developed than a baby who always needs his bottle, you know?

One day at a time.

ColoradoRocky

Good start.

I know what you mean only too well.

I also know drinking will kill any ability you have to deal with life, even if it seems it's helping.

Not drinking will do nothing to make you or me stronger or live better; it gives us the chance to do what it takes to get stronger and live better.

I know this from personal experience!

dwtbd

Joe, that right there is it, you got this , keep that post, don’t ever stop listening to that guy.

Bekindalways

"AV howled" and you surfed the craving. Well done.

Zevin

Congratulations!

Dee74

you got though - that's terrific - it will get easier in time Joe

D

Kaily

Well done Joe.

That is exactly how sobriety starts. You have to fight for it, more so in the early days. AV attacks come and go, accept and ignore, they are not you but your addiction calling/demanding for its substance.

Brilliant, keep going no matter what.

Joe787

Well put. I need to put work into this as well.

As my mind re-enters sobriety and I reach some sort of new equilibrium, I will better be able to determine what exactly I need to work on. A lot of it is anxiety and fear, for sure.

RecklessDrunk

For me a drink is an instant cure for anxiety. Problem is it seems to make me pay it back with interest. The hangover the next day and for a while after the anxiety seems to linger and resurface whenever it wants. A few weeks without a drink and it really seems to get more manageable.

Primativo

It works too well, until it doesn't. Then you get caught in a situation where the substance you relied on to quell your anxiety makes anxiety worse, and then you are in trouble.

You're right, it's an instant cure, but only for a very short time, and then you get alcohol withdrawal anxiety on top of the original anxiety when you eventually stop drinking.

It took me many years of battling anxiety with alcohol, many wasted years. Ironically most of the anxiety I've had to deal with as an adult, was mostly caused by alcohol and hangovers. Once I stopped filling my body with poison, my anxiety levels have dropped dramatically. I still get anxious sometimes, but I deal with it and it passes.