Relapsed
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 76
Relapsed
Hi, I got to 93 days sober and then relapsed. That was 11 days ago.
my sober period was great. I got really fit and healthy and lost loads of excess weight. Mentally I felt quite strong and had a good routine etc.
Outside of that I've had money troubles and have been feeling stressd as currently out of work. I had a bad week where it felt nothing was working out for me. I got stressed out and thought sod it, I'm going to go and get drunk. It turned into a heavy session with a friend and lasted all night. Since then I've been drinking regularly again, pretty much everyday, just a couple of drinks and a couple of heavier sessions. I feel like crap again and am getting back on the wagon as of now.
I think I could see this all coming tbh. I was having thoughts for a few weeks about maybe having a drink when I got to day 100. Thinking, oh maybe I can moderate this time or just have a drink here and there and all that crap you tell yourself but already, I'm drinking again daily. So I'll be getting sober again and hopefully this time around I'll reach 100 days. I've almost given up on serious longterm sobriety as an option for me. Maybe it will happen but if I have a blowout for a week every 100 days or so at least it's better than drinking everyday. Of course, I am aiming for longterm/lifelong sobriety. Good to be back here but sad I still haven't found a way to make this work for me.
my sober period was great. I got really fit and healthy and lost loads of excess weight. Mentally I felt quite strong and had a good routine etc.
Outside of that I've had money troubles and have been feeling stressd as currently out of work. I had a bad week where it felt nothing was working out for me. I got stressed out and thought sod it, I'm going to go and get drunk. It turned into a heavy session with a friend and lasted all night. Since then I've been drinking regularly again, pretty much everyday, just a couple of drinks and a couple of heavier sessions. I feel like crap again and am getting back on the wagon as of now.
I think I could see this all coming tbh. I was having thoughts for a few weeks about maybe having a drink when I got to day 100. Thinking, oh maybe I can moderate this time or just have a drink here and there and all that crap you tell yourself but already, I'm drinking again daily. So I'll be getting sober again and hopefully this time around I'll reach 100 days. I've almost given up on serious longterm sobriety as an option for me. Maybe it will happen but if I have a blowout for a week every 100 days or so at least it's better than drinking everyday. Of course, I am aiming for longterm/lifelong sobriety. Good to be back here but sad I still haven't found a way to make this work for me.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by bodhi01 
Hi, I got to 93 days sober and then relapsed. That was 11 days ago.
my sober period was great. I got really fit and healthy and lost loads of excess weight. Mentally I felt quite strong and had a good routine etc.
Outside of that I've had money troubles and have been feeling stressd as currently out of work. I had a bad week where it felt nothing was working out for me. I got stressed out and thought sod it, I'm going to go and get drunk. It turned into a heavy session with a friend and lasted all night. Since then I've been drinking regularly again, pretty much everyday, just a couple of drinks and a couple of heavier sessions. I feel like crap again and am getting back on the wagon as of now.
I think I could see this all coming tbh. I was having thoughts for a few weeks about maybe having a drink when I got to day 100. Thinking, oh maybe I can moderate this time or just have a drink here and there and all that crap you tell yourself but already, I'm drinking again daily. So I'll be getting sober again and hopefully this time around I'll reach 100 days. I've almost given up on serious longterm sobriety as an option for me. Maybe it will happen but if I have a blowout for a week every 100 days or so at least it's better than drinking everyday. Of course, I am aiming for longterm/lifelong sobriety. Good to be back here but sad I still haven't found a way to make this work for me.
my sober period was great. I got really fit and healthy and lost loads of excess weight. Mentally I felt quite strong and had a good routine etc.
Outside of that I've had money troubles and have been feeling stressd as currently out of work. I had a bad week where it felt nothing was working out for me. I got stressed out and thought sod it, I'm going to go and get drunk. It turned into a heavy session with a friend and lasted all night. Since then I've been drinking regularly again, pretty much everyday, just a couple of drinks and a couple of heavier sessions. I feel like crap again and am getting back on the wagon as of now.
I think I could see this all coming tbh. I was having thoughts for a few weeks about maybe having a drink when I got to day 100. Thinking, oh maybe I can moderate this time or just have a drink here and there and all that crap you tell yourself but already, I'm drinking again daily. So I'll be getting sober again and hopefully this time around I'll reach 100 days. I've almost given up on serious longterm sobriety as an option for me. Maybe it will happen but if I have a blowout for a week every 100 days or so at least it's better than drinking everyday. Of course, I am aiming for longterm/lifelong sobriety. Good to be back here but sad I still haven't found a way to make this work for me.
You did 93 days sober?? FANTASTIC! Then you started to think about drinking at 100 and just started a few days early? Well, it seems like you found yourself smack dab in the middle of active alcoholism again. Okay, well, the good news is that the results of your experiment are crystal clear: it is not safe for you to drink. You have an allergy to it which makes you compulsively drink and only think about drinking once you have started drinking.
I ran the same experiment as you. I drank after 4 months sober and I kept drinking for about a year. Ugh, what a waste. I am now five and a half months sober. I find it now much more enjoyable to be sober then it is to be an active drinker. I am living, not just surviving. The getting sober part SUCKS, but the staying sober part is, for the most part, great.
Shoot for 100 again. Make yourself no promises other than when you reach it to remind yourself that you’ve already run the experiment and to shoot for 100 more. Then I know how happy and relieved you’ll be. You can do this. You already did.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Oakland
Posts: 561
Thank you for sharing this. it sounds just like me. I get some bit of time and then life goes to s*** and I get it back East the f*** it. I have about 40 days now and I'm really committed to staying sober no matter what. I don't believe my determination means Marcelo. What does matter is that I got a meeting a check with my sponsor and try to follow somebody else's direction beside my own. I so want you to get this because if you could do it I can do it too.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
I’m glad you came back. The first time I got sober for a long stretch I did the same thing as you. I was just over the 90 day mark and was on vacation and thought, I can have one glass of wine. Of course it wasn’t one glass, and I was right back to where I was before.
I spent the next three years vacillating between periods of sobriety, and failed attempts at moderation. Finally on December 31, 2015 I had my last drink. I am getting close to four years sober, and my biggest regret is that I didn’t do it sooner.
I can tell you it is so much easier to be sober than to attempt moderation, it just doesn’t work, at least it never did for me.
I found posting and reading here daily and to be very helpful, I also read lots of books about recovery, went for walks, journaled, and just tried to focus on healthy habits across the board. Even during difficult days, and there were many I stayed sober.
You can do this, and I can promise the job search will be much easier if you are sober.
Keep checking in!
I spent the next three years vacillating between periods of sobriety, and failed attempts at moderation. Finally on December 31, 2015 I had my last drink. I am getting close to four years sober, and my biggest regret is that I didn’t do it sooner.
I can tell you it is so much easier to be sober than to attempt moderation, it just doesn’t work, at least it never did for me.
I found posting and reading here daily and to be very helpful, I also read lots of books about recovery, went for walks, journaled, and just tried to focus on healthy habits across the board. Even during difficult days, and there were many I stayed sober.
You can do this, and I can promise the job search will be much easier if you are sober.
Keep checking in!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 534
I've been down this road too. It's one reason I quit counting sober days. I'm not white-knuckling sobriety...it feels like some sort of test that my brain sets me to fail or something. Can't describe it. I'm really just better with One Day at a Time.
Thanks for sharing.
Sending us ALL support.
Thanks for sharing.
Sending us ALL support.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
welcome back Bodhi.
I learned drinking does nothing for stress - if anything it makes it worse cos you have shame guilt and a depleted bank balance to deal with,
There are other ways to deal with stress and things that challenge us
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...f-respite.html (Relief and Respite)
I learned drinking does nothing for stress - if anything it makes it worse cos you have shame guilt and a depleted bank balance to deal with,
There are other ways to deal with stress and things that challenge us
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...f-respite.html (Relief and Respite)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 519
Hey there that is amazing that you made it to 93 days in the first place!
I agree that One Day at a Time is the best way to go, thinking too far into the future is tricky on the mind and a sure fire way for the ego to rear it's ugly head. I think that the second you told yourself you might drink at 100 days, you were already there mentally and your AV got the best of you.
Stick with it, take it daily, break it into small bits and stay close to the puke. Keep this feeling fresh, cause you never have to feel it again.
I agree that One Day at a Time is the best way to go, thinking too far into the future is tricky on the mind and a sure fire way for the ego to rear it's ugly head. I think that the second you told yourself you might drink at 100 days, you were already there mentally and your AV got the best of you.
Stick with it, take it daily, break it into small bits and stay close to the puke. Keep this feeling fresh, cause you never have to feel it again.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
Look fam no worries dust your knees off and get back at it. Thats all. Face the reality and know you cant booze anymore. And then do it. Stick around here. Thats what I do and so far so good. Hang in there friend its worth it. ✌
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 76
Thanks everyone. Really positive messages giving me lots of hope. I've never fallen off the wagon and then attempted to get back on so quickly so that shows me something has changed. I felt so ill last night but already waking up today with a new sober head is a great feeling. I agree with all the suggestions on not counting days and focussing on one at a time. I think that could work really well for me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,327
Well done for getting back here quickly, and the good thing is you know you can do it for a good while already - there must be a sober routine in place which is a massive start I think!
Also Dee I'm not sure I can handle all these avatar changes
Also Dee I'm not sure I can handle all these avatar changes
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 743
The disease is like a guerrilla. You fought so hard to put him in his cage. Then after he is in the cage for a while he is well behaved, smiling at you. I'll be a good guerrilla, see how I'm behaving just let me out of the cage for a little while. Then once you let him out you again have the task of trying to cage a wild animal.
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