15 days and she is in love with someone else
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15 days and she is in love with someone else
I'm a numbers person so I did the math.
14% of my life I've lived/dealt with an alcoholic and addict.
My sons mother came home 15 days ago. Not technically together, but together enough. She told me she couldnt be in a relationship with me when she got out of treatment. But 15 days later she is in love. 14% vs 15 days
Blindsided. I see her tonight. Do I even try talking to her about it? Is this a lost cause?
14% of my life I've lived/dealt with an alcoholic and addict.
My sons mother came home 15 days ago. Not technically together, but together enough. She told me she couldnt be in a relationship with me when she got out of treatment. But 15 days later she is in love. 14% vs 15 days
Blindsided. I see her tonight. Do I even try talking to her about it? Is this a lost cause?
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Hoody....why would you NOT talk about a subject that is so serious? Communication is a very important thing in any relationship.
How long has she been in treatment....is it outpatient treatment? How long is it till the treatment is finished.
By the way...."treatment" programs are just the beginning of a persons recovery. Addiction is never "cured"...but, it can be put into remission by working an ongoing program of sobriety as a persons first priority....a priority over everything else.
Rehab romances are, unfortunately, very common....for a variety of reasons. Rehab attraction, is, I think, a better word. They are almost always transient and do not end well...
How long has she been in treatment....is it outpatient treatment? How long is it till the treatment is finished.
By the way...."treatment" programs are just the beginning of a persons recovery. Addiction is never "cured"...but, it can be put into remission by working an ongoing program of sobriety as a persons first priority....a priority over everything else.
Rehab romances are, unfortunately, very common....for a variety of reasons. Rehab attraction, is, I think, a better word. They are almost always transient and do not end well...
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Location: Virginia
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Hoody315,
Communication is key to everything. Without it you can not move forward. If you get the truth or not from her you need to be honest on how you feel. Talk calming and be ready for her to possibly say some mean things. If she just started rehab then her mind is still in an addiction state and will do or say whatever to get what she wants. Dandylion is most likely correct with her Rehab attraction comment. It's not a lost cause. It's one that hurt when you hear it, but you can get past it and move foward. I hope your talk goes well and know we will keep you in our thoughts.
Communication is key to everything. Without it you can not move forward. If you get the truth or not from her you need to be honest on how you feel. Talk calming and be ready for her to possibly say some mean things. If she just started rehab then her mind is still in an addiction state and will do or say whatever to get what she wants. Dandylion is most likely correct with her Rehab attraction comment. It's not a lost cause. It's one that hurt when you hear it, but you can get past it and move foward. I hope your talk goes well and know we will keep you in our thoughts.
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Live and let live? Will it do any good? She does 30 days in patient. I take care of her house, our son, her portion of bills. Take time out of work to visit. With our son. Face time every night.
She says no relationships for 1 year and immediately dates someone else. That doesnt sound like someone I could talk sensibly to.
I know they say it increases chance of relapse. I just feel defeated. She kept her distance since she left the program. Shes doing 90 meetings in 90 days now. I'm assuming she met him there. Maybe rehab. I dont know.
She says no relationships for 1 year and immediately dates someone else. That doesnt sound like someone I could talk sensibly to.
I know they say it increases chance of relapse. I just feel defeated. She kept her distance since she left the program. Shes doing 90 meetings in 90 days now. I'm assuming she met him there. Maybe rehab. I dont know.
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Thank you Ironwill (I think we were commenting at the same time). And dandy.
I'll talk to her when she gets out of her meeting as i am babysitting for her. She told me to sell the ring. We were engaged before the addiction became prominent.
I'll talk to her when she gets out of her meeting as i am babysitting for her. She told me to sell the ring. We were engaged before the addiction became prominent.
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Hoody...from what I gather...the two of you live separately...? (I went back and read your other thread from another forum). You say it is her house.
It sounds, to me, from what you have shared, that what the two of you share is a son. I do think it is good to treat your son's mother well....all ways. That is how he learns how women should be treated and whatever benefits his mother, benefits the child.
From what you have shared...I think it would be a good idea to leave her to her own recovery program and her personal relationships....as long as the welfare of the child is always attended to.
You will allways have a connection, due to having a child together.
Other than co-parenting...the best thing that you can do for yourself is to work on your own issues and your personal development, so that you can live your best life and present a good role model for your son......
It sounds, to me, from what you have shared, that what the two of you share is a son. I do think it is good to treat your son's mother well....all ways. That is how he learns how women should be treated and whatever benefits his mother, benefits the child.
From what you have shared...I think it would be a good idea to leave her to her own recovery program and her personal relationships....as long as the welfare of the child is always attended to.
You will allways have a connection, due to having a child together.
Other than co-parenting...the best thing that you can do for yourself is to work on your own issues and your personal development, so that you can live your best life and present a good role model for your son......
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Hoody...I just read your last post.....you didn't mention the engagement, before!! You didn't even call her your girlfriend---you called her "your son's mother".
Well....in any case....it would appear that it would be wise to put plans for a marriage...or not....way off in the future.
Hoody...you are going to have to learn a lot...a LOT...about the nature of alcoholism/addiction. True, genuine recovery...the kind that lasts for the rest of a person's life can take years.....The "early recovery " period is at least one year, and can be 2-3-4-5yrs....depending o who you talk to and the individual involved.
You are going to need as much work on yourself as she does.....work on self discovery.....learning all about addictions....finding out why you have spent 1/4 of your life with an alcoholic/addict. What constitutes a stable, mature relationship.....
If you are interested, I can give you some basics of where to begin....?
for right now....I sure would talk it out with her, by putting your feelings on the table....and see how she responds. You have to deal with what is.
for the immediate future...I wouldn't try to hold on to her...or, d emand that she give up the other person. Just leave it alone and let her deal with all that that situation entails (will probably end, eventually, in a 'crash a d burn")…..Gosh, I hope that she is smart enough to avoid another pregnancy....!
Just concentrate on trying to be a decent co-parent for your child....
I know that this is not what you hoped to hear...but, you are dealing with alcoholism/addiction, here....and it is always a rock road....
Learn all that you can....Knowledge is Power....
Well....in any case....it would appear that it would be wise to put plans for a marriage...or not....way off in the future.
Hoody...you are going to have to learn a lot...a LOT...about the nature of alcoholism/addiction. True, genuine recovery...the kind that lasts for the rest of a person's life can take years.....The "early recovery " period is at least one year, and can be 2-3-4-5yrs....depending o who you talk to and the individual involved.
You are going to need as much work on yourself as she does.....work on self discovery.....learning all about addictions....finding out why you have spent 1/4 of your life with an alcoholic/addict. What constitutes a stable, mature relationship.....
If you are interested, I can give you some basics of where to begin....?
for right now....I sure would talk it out with her, by putting your feelings on the table....and see how she responds. You have to deal with what is.
for the immediate future...I wouldn't try to hold on to her...or, d emand that she give up the other person. Just leave it alone and let her deal with all that that situation entails (will probably end, eventually, in a 'crash a d burn")…..Gosh, I hope that she is smart enough to avoid another pregnancy....!
Just concentrate on trying to be a decent co-parent for your child....
I know that this is not what you hoped to hear...but, you are dealing with alcoholism/addiction, here....and it is always a rock road....
Learn all that you can....Knowledge is Power....
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Originally Posted by dandylion 
Hoody...from what I gather...the two of you live separately...? (I went back and read your other thread from another forum). You say it is her house.
It sounds, to me, from what you have shared, that what the two of you share is a son. I do think it is good to treat your son's mother well....all ways. That is how he learns how women should be treated and whatever benefits his mother, benefits the child.
From what you have shared...I think it would be a good idea to leave her to her own recovery program and her personal relationships....as long as the welfare of the child is always attended to.
You will allways have a connection, due to having a child together.
Other than co-parenting...the best thing that you can do for yourself is to work on your own issues and your personal development, so that you can live your best life and present a good role model for your son......
It sounds, to me, from what you have shared, that what the two of you share is a son. I do think it is good to treat your son's mother well....all ways. That is how he learns how women should be treated and whatever benefits his mother, benefits the child.
From what you have shared...I think it would be a good idea to leave her to her own recovery program and her personal relationships....as long as the welfare of the child is always attended to.
You will allways have a connection, due to having a child together.
Other than co-parenting...the best thing that you can do for yourself is to work on your own issues and your personal development, so that you can live your best life and present a good role model for your son......
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 45
Originally Posted by dandylion
Hoody...I just read your last post.....you didn't mention the engagement, before!! You didn't even call her your girlfriend---you called her "your son's mother".
Well....in any case....it would appear that it would be wise to put plans for a marriage...or not....way off in the future.
Hoody...you are going to have to learn a lot...a LOT...about the nature of alcoholism/addiction. True, genuine recovery...the kind that lasts for the rest of a person's life can take years.....The "early recovery " period is at least one year, and can be 2-3-4-5yrs....depending o who you talk to and the individual involved.
You are going to need as much work on yourself as she does.....work on self discovery.....learning all about addictions....finding out why you have spent 1/4 of your life with an alcoholic/addict. What constitutes a stable, mature relationship.....
If you are interested, I can give you some basics of where to begin....?
for right now....I sure would talk it out with her, by putting your feelings on the table....and see how she responds. You have to deal with what is.
for the immediate future...I wouldn't try to hold on to her...or, d emand that she give up the other person. Just leave it alone and let her deal with all that that situation entails (will probably end, eventually, in a 'crash a d burn")…..Gosh, I hope that she is smart enough to avoid another pregnancy....!
Just concentrate on trying to be a decent co-parent for your child....
I know that this is not what you hoped to hear...but, you are dealing with alcoholism/addiction, here....and it is always a rock road....
Learn all that you can....Knowledge is Power....
Well....in any case....it would appear that it would be wise to put plans for a marriage...or not....way off in the future.
Hoody...you are going to have to learn a lot...a LOT...about the nature of alcoholism/addiction. True, genuine recovery...the kind that lasts for the rest of a person's life can take years.....The "early recovery " period is at least one year, and can be 2-3-4-5yrs....depending o who you talk to and the individual involved.
You are going to need as much work on yourself as she does.....work on self discovery.....learning all about addictions....finding out why you have spent 1/4 of your life with an alcoholic/addict. What constitutes a stable, mature relationship.....
If you are interested, I can give you some basics of where to begin....?
for right now....I sure would talk it out with her, by putting your feelings on the table....and see how she responds. You have to deal with what is.
for the immediate future...I wouldn't try to hold on to her...or, d emand that she give up the other person. Just leave it alone and let her deal with all that that situation entails (will probably end, eventually, in a 'crash a d burn")…..Gosh, I hope that she is smart enough to avoid another pregnancy....!
Just concentrate on trying to be a decent co-parent for your child....
I know that this is not what you hoped to hear...but, you are dealing with alcoholism/addiction, here....and it is always a rock road....
Learn all that you can....Knowledge is Power....
Thank you for the advice. I'll keep our convo light and not force anything. Get a feel for it.
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Hoody......we have an extensive library, here....more than 100 excellent articles on alcoholism and the effects on the loved ones. Enough for you to read one every single day...lol. This library is contained within the "stickies" at the top of the threads, on the main page.
for your introduction...I am going to give you the following direct link.....
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
Since you have been attending alanon...you have probably heard of the book "Co-dependent No More".....if not--it is the most recommended book on this forum. You can get it on amazon.cm or the local library. It is an easy read and I think you will enjoyreading it--a lot of it will probably really resonate with you.
for your introduction...I am going to give you the following direct link.....
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
Since you have been attending alanon...you have probably heard of the book "Co-dependent No More".....if not--it is the most recommended book on this forum. You can get it on amazon.cm or the local library. It is an easy read and I think you will enjoyreading it--a lot of it will probably really resonate with you.
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Hi Hoody,
I'm sorry you're going through this.
Perhaps consider reaching out to others in Al-Anon for help with childcare to expand your options and support. We don't know what we don't know, and sometimes simply reaching out for additional help can open up new pathways.
One of our local 12 step locations no longer has childcare available on site, yet the solution seeming to work better is a childcare center very close by that is providing free vouchers for certain days of the week for people attending recovery meetings.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
Perhaps consider reaching out to others in Al-Anon for help with childcare to expand your options and support. We don't know what we don't know, and sometimes simply reaching out for additional help can open up new pathways.
One of our local 12 step locations no longer has childcare available on site, yet the solution seeming to work better is a childcare center very close by that is providing free vouchers for certain days of the week for people attending recovery meetings.
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Hoody......we have an extensive library, here....more than 100 excellent articles on alcoholism and the effects on the loved ones. Enough for you to read one every single day...lol. This library is contained within the "stickies" at the top of the threads, on the main page.
for your introduction...I am going to give
Since you have been attending alanon...you have probably heard of the book "Co-dependent No More".....if not--it is the most recommended book on this forum. You can get it on amazon.cm or the local library. It is an easy read and I think you will enjoyreading it--a lot of it will probably really resonate with you.
for your introduction...I am going to give
Since you have been attending alanon...you have probably heard of the book "Co-dependent No More".....if not--it is the most recommended book on this forum. You can get it on amazon.cm or the local library. It is an easy read and I think you will enjoyreading it--a lot of it will probably really resonate with you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2019
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Originally Posted by Mango212
Hi Hoody,
I'm sorry you're going through this.
Perhaps consider reaching out to others in Al-Anon for help with childcare to expand your options and support. We don't know what we don't know, and sometimes simply reaching out for additional help can open up new pathways.
One of our local 12 step locations no longer has childcare available on site, yet the solution seeming to work better is a childcare center very close by that is providing free vouchers for certain days of the week for people attending recovery meetings.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
Perhaps consider reaching out to others in Al-Anon for help with childcare to expand your options and support. We don't know what we don't know, and sometimes simply reaching out for additional help can open up new pathways.
One of our local 12 step locations no longer has childcare available on site, yet the solution seeming to work better is a childcare center very close by that is providing free vouchers for certain days of the week for people attending recovery meetings.
Thanks Mango. I'll ask around at the next meeting I go to
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Originally Posted by tomsteve
no relationships in the first year- now THAT is seriously misconstrued.
the suggestion is
no NEW relationships in the first year.
the suggestion is
no NEW relationships in the first year.
One Day At A Time. Gonna make it
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Originally Posted by choublak
Because communicating with an alcoholic/addict is pointless.
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Originally Posted by Hoody315
It just hurts man. We made it work when she was using. Figured we would conquer the world when she got home.
One Day At A Time. Gonna make it
One Day At A Time. Gonna make it
my post was because of
She says no relationships for 1 year.
SHE probably got that at rehab where they said
no NEW relationships.
ya have a great group of support here, hoody.
ive been sober a while now and it frustates me when crap like that no new relationships thing gets mixed up to suit an addict/alcoholics own selfish crap.
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Originally Posted by tomsteve
of course it hurts.
my post was because of
She says no relationships for 1 year.
SHE probably got that at rehab where they said
no NEW relationships.
ya have a great group of support here, hoody.
ive been sober a while now and it frustates me when crap like that no new relationships thing gets mixed up to suit an addict/alcoholics own selfish crap.
my post was because of
She says no relationships for 1 year.
SHE probably got that at rehab where they said
no NEW relationships.
ya have a great group of support here, hoody.
ive been sober a while now and it frustates me when crap like that no new relationships thing gets mixed up to suit an addict/alcoholics own selfish crap.
Congrats on your sobriety btw
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