Joe787

I've been thinking a lot about how I've used alcohol in my life.

I mentioned in another thread that "alcohol has helped me in many ways", and of course I also acknowledge that that's ultimately not really true. What I meant was that my drinking gives me an energy and ability to face things that I'm otherwise afraid to face. So it's really just "helped" me put off many internal issues which then pile up. So now not only do I have these issues to face, but I've added the new one of alcoholism.

The title of this thread comes from a blog post I read about narcissism. But I was very easily able to relate it to drinking. In the last few years, I've been able to finagle my way in and out of various levels of success. Part of it I credit to impulsive decisons made with a vodka buzz. But all that did was give me a reward for bad, unhealthy behavior which has helped prolong the cycle. And if I made an excel sheet of my "wins" versus my "losses", I'd likely have a much different perspective. In fact that might be a good idea.

I wish you all a healthy, sober day.

lessgravity

May I ask how old you are? I know that I engaged in this kind of magical thinking about alcohol earlier in my drinking career. I also was aware at the same time I was telling myself these stories that they were just that stories and lies. And then of course those stories and lies became impossible to tell myself as I sat in the car before work drinking a fifth of vodka.

Anyhow seems to me that you have a sense that this kind of thinking ends up either being backwards or showing itself to just be lies to perpetuate the drinking. Welcome to SR. There's a better life out there for you.

Dee74

I didn't think so at the time, but I'm glad now I drank past the point where I could delude myself that alcohol was still something positive for me.

You don't have to drink to that point - you can be smarter than I was

I needed to face the reality that I was destroying myself, and my life, with my drinking,

I accomplished a lot as a drinker. I crashed and burned a lot too. Based on my recovery time and my productivity now, I can only imagine how much I could have accomplished sober.

I really urge you to think about alcohol and the role it plays in your life. Get out a piece of paper or do that excel thing if you need to.

Do a pros and cons thing.

I'd be surprised if the pros get anywhere near the cons Joe.

DriGuy

A guy I skied with long ago told me that during one of the 60's Olympics, the French Downhill Ski Team members would each take a shot of whisky two minutes before their run. While they didn't win any medals that year, they were reported to be the most fearless skiers on the course.

I don't know if this was true, and I had doubts that it was, but it makes a good point. In my case, whisky always gave me the confidence to go ahead and make a complete ass out of myself. Now that's being fearless!

However the Frenchman, Jean-Claude Killy, came onto the scene in the late 1960s Olympics and won gold medals in all three alpine skiing events, making him the most successful athlete in the Olympics that year. I don't think he drank whisky before each event.

nez

I can so relate to this as a long time hard core skier and downhiller.

I have about equal amount of time skiing before recovery and after recovery. My experience is that I actually ski faster and more fearlessly in recovery because I am more acutely aware physically and mentally which makes me better able to push my limits more before crashing and burning.

The imagined fearlessness of my skiing before recovery turned out to be an illusion. I had fears but masked them with alcohol. In recovery, I don't really have fear or at least if I do, I confront it and work through it; which is how I get to the other side of it and freedom.

I will never know but can't help wonder if they might have medaled had they passed on the shots. :~)

wiscsober

great thread!

NewOne

Drinking does make me fearless, but because it frees me from all and any sound judgement. The added bonus is as you get worse at everything, your confidence sky rockets too.

Some people may get more out of it than they give away, but I doubt any problem drinkers do. In between one and two beers is a sweet spot for being a God at pool, but I guess if we could stick to that limit we wouldn't be here.

brighterday1234

Callas

Yes I know this reasoning. Played some of my best rounds of golf hungover/drunk. I still ended up with withdrawal, shakes, nausea, heart palpitations and horrible anxiety. I guess in the early days of heavy drinking one can sort of get away with it. Long term no-one can.