itsmaria

Hey

Just writing bc sometimes it helps me. My uncle has lung cancer, I found out yesterday. It has hit me really hard, bc I grew up in an abusive family and he was one of the few bright spots in my childhood.

I'm dealing with it alone, my whole family is dysfunctional so we dont support one another very well. And I'm pretty isolated so I dont have anyone to lean on.

I seem like a sad sack. Normally I'm ok, I get by in pretty good spirits. But this is getting to me along with some other life stuff and work pressures.

I've been just letting myself cry and trying to stay healthy and on track in all respects- good food- exercise. But man it's tough not to drink. I just want to drink til I can't anymore.

I can't bear how I feel. I;m just slogging through the day, everything seems meaningless. It's like depression. I guess I'm not thinking clearly. This is not all because of my uncle, I was dealing with some tough personal stuff before this, so it's probably just the compound effect.

I just found out yesterday. I need to give myself more time. I will get through this. I won;t always feel this bad.

Thanks for reading, I'm just hanging on by my fingernails. I haven't had a drink in 2 or 3 weeks I think. i think this is the third week.

I just have to write it out somewhere. Hope you all are well.

PhoenixJ

Maria- it is sad about your uncle. You have been mindful that feelings and emotions come and go and over time they calm down. Great also you have 2-3 weeks not drinking. I understand only too well the want of using alcohol to seek oblivion, but there is life waiting after such episodes, and in my experience- what ever it was I tried to block out seems louder, more insistent than before. I also empathise about a dysfunctional family of origin. Posting here is a great thing to do. I find journal writing helps me. Meetings are a safe way to socialize (with out necessarily sharing our life stories, just to be around humans). Remember the HALTS anacronym- if you are
Hungry- eat
Angry- diffuse the emotion, go for a walk, talk to someone, distract, do mindful breathing, journal...
Lonely- meet someone for coffee (meetings also have this), post here, go to a shopping centre and just walk around- where there are humans
Tired- rest or
Thirsty- hydrate (not just coffee or fizzy drinks- water)
Sad or Stressed- again mindful breathing, meditation

It is easy to forget to care for ourselves when stressed. Even just having a shower, cleaning the home, making the bed, washing the dishes- small things that have an immediate outcome.

Also perhaps see a counsellor to talk about how you feel/think, or a doc if you are concerned about depression.

Support to you.

least

I'm sorry about your uncle's diagnosis. Best thing you can do for him and for yourself is to stay sober.

Hevyn

itsmaria - It was a good idea to post. I think it helps a lot to share our pain with those who understand. Be proud of yourself for realizing taking a drink would do nothing but add to the already difficult things you're dealing with. It never gives us the results we count on.

Congratulations on your weeks of sobriety - that is wonderful.

SoberRican

Sorry to hear about your uncle by all means post on here as much as you want just don't pick up that first drink. This is a learning experience embrace it and you will be proud of yourself I promise you if you don't drink

gypsytears

Sorry to hear of your uncle’s lung cancer diagnosis. It’s a hard thing to learn about someone you love. You’ve expressed some good insight and Phoenix gave good advice about HALT. I’m glad you posted. Stay close to SR but closer to your uncle.

Dee74

I'm sorry to hear about your uncle too itsmaria.

Your inner addict wants you to drink - it will tell you drinking will help you deal with things - but it won't.

It won't make you feel better. This is a terrible situation - but you can be there, sober for your uncle.

It won't help you manage things. It will make things more difficult to handle.

Use this time well, make some memories with your uncle - and realise that you're stronger than your addiction is letting on.

Remember we're here for support

D

Atlast9999

itsmaria

Thanks for the support. Reading through the posts helped me. I'm making it through.

daisy1

I have three step daughters whom I love very much, and have always had a good relationship with their mother. Five months ago we got the news that she was dying from a brain tumour and I found that and my step daughters grief very difficult to deal with, so hit the bottle. What happened was I was incapable of helping them or her in any way, she died and I was in hospital detoxing on the day of her funeral. I absolutely hate myself for that. I couldn't change her prognosis but my actions affected my step daughters experience of her death which can never be changed now - it was a chance for me to be there for them during the worst time of their lives and I wasn't. I will never forgive myself, so please try and endure what's coming sober no matter how difficult x

itsmaria

daisy1 sorry for your loss, and that you had such a difficult experience.

I feel slightly better today...although I'm probably shutting down a little bit. But I made it without drinking, and I have to go to work tomorrow so that will help me stay focussed today.

I am reacting like it's terminal, but my uncle is fighting, and I feel kind of bad about my reaction. But my aunt died of lung cancer a few yrs ago, and the reality is it's a very aggressive serious cancer. So I think it's just a matter of time. They can't do surgery so he is having chemo, and hopefully it won't make him too sick and he can enjoy some time.

He retired a few years ago and he and his wife like cruises so they did some travelling around. I'm glad he had those experiences.

Anna

I'm sorry to hear about your uncle, but I think you're right to try to remain positive and hope for a good outcome. I think it's good that you're taken some time to get used to the idea. Of course, staying sober will help you to be available to your uncle and aunt should they need you.