My boyfriend ended our relationship to focus on his recovery:(
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Join Date: Oct 2019
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My boyfriend ended our relationship to focus on his recovery:(
Hi all. First time on the site and glad there’s a network of folks that can relate. Long story short, I met a great guy who appeared to have it all together. We had a great connection and things were going well. To my surprise one day after he had been distant (I thought it was due to his friends recent accident) he sends a texts that he not well and has been occasionally taking opioids and that he realized he needs to grow up and work on himself and well you all can fill in the blanks. I was stunned. He said I was the best partner but that he was “too f&cked up” to be w anyone and had to work on getting sober. I had no idea he had been using opioids while we were together. He told me he had used a few times while I was in the house or when he made valid excuses to step out of the house...
anyhow we broke up and I was sad. We had no contact. 2 months later an odd coincidence got us talking. We decided to meet that night( as I had a few things left at his place). He told me he started AA and was working on recovery but making new friends that were sober and most of all that he missed me and had regret for how he ha mistreated me in the past. He asked if we could get back together. I was elated. I missed him terribly and believed what he shared.
so fast forward now 2 months later he has been diligently attending AA daily and meeting w his sponsor and making friendships w his fellowship. We had had a few discussion about out future and he would say let’s take it a day at a time. He ha said “I can’t promise you white picket fences but I’m also not saying I don’t want to be w you. I care for you very much and want us to work out” so after that convo I was a bit emotional distant. Of course I was sad to hear he couldn’t think much past the current day. Anyway (sorry to drag on, just trying to share the experience so you all can provide feedback) we didn’t have arguments but I was a bit snippy a few times after that about things not related to his recovery and we would have talks and share again how we both care and I understood the Moto of “I day at a time”. Our last talk lead him to tears which surprised me. I told him that night I was deeply sorry for getting upset earlier that day about miscommunication w plans which lead to our talk.
anyhow less then a week later he broke it off w me and said he has been thinking about using recently because he doesn’t deal with relationships well and out past convos have caused his to spiral in his thoughts and his sponser and a few folks from fellowships told him it was a bad idea for him to have started a relationship so early into his recovery and to end it if his reaction to common relationship issues are causing cravings, his sobriety could be in jeopardy. He told me he cared for me very much and it wasn’t me but his way of thinking and that he has to be selfish now because it’s life or death for him. He said the ways he uses “could kill him”, and that not only is he in AA but he’s now realizing he’s not equipped for an adult relationship until he works on himself. I tried everything to help him understand I would he supportive and how much I care, but he said he could not be w me or anyone for a long time until he can heal.
It’s day 2 and I’m heartbroken. I thought this was it when we got back together. He’s high functioning and goes to a very professional, demanding career so I had no idea all these thoughts were in his mind. I hate myself for acting out of character the past few weeks that lead him to feel this way. He kept saying it’s not me but his issues, but still...
i miss him terribly. He wants to be friends and we talked about maybe trying when he has a year under his belt but he said he’s not sure how long his recovery will be and I’ll probably be engaged by the time he gets his act together. I packed my things and left without saying by as I was too sad and he was off to a meeting.
No one gets my pain and I hate when friends say “it’s better you get out now, he’s a drug addicted” etc. I know him and his heart. I too am a health professional and believe w time w can change and heal.
Any advice works help! Blessings to you all and your loved ones!!! Thanks guys!
anyhow we broke up and I was sad. We had no contact. 2 months later an odd coincidence got us talking. We decided to meet that night( as I had a few things left at his place). He told me he started AA and was working on recovery but making new friends that were sober and most of all that he missed me and had regret for how he ha mistreated me in the past. He asked if we could get back together. I was elated. I missed him terribly and believed what he shared.
so fast forward now 2 months later he has been diligently attending AA daily and meeting w his sponsor and making friendships w his fellowship. We had had a few discussion about out future and he would say let’s take it a day at a time. He ha said “I can’t promise you white picket fences but I’m also not saying I don’t want to be w you. I care for you very much and want us to work out” so after that convo I was a bit emotional distant. Of course I was sad to hear he couldn’t think much past the current day. Anyway (sorry to drag on, just trying to share the experience so you all can provide feedback) we didn’t have arguments but I was a bit snippy a few times after that about things not related to his recovery and we would have talks and share again how we both care and I understood the Moto of “I day at a time”. Our last talk lead him to tears which surprised me. I told him that night I was deeply sorry for getting upset earlier that day about miscommunication w plans which lead to our talk.
anyhow less then a week later he broke it off w me and said he has been thinking about using recently because he doesn’t deal with relationships well and out past convos have caused his to spiral in his thoughts and his sponser and a few folks from fellowships told him it was a bad idea for him to have started a relationship so early into his recovery and to end it if his reaction to common relationship issues are causing cravings, his sobriety could be in jeopardy. He told me he cared for me very much and it wasn’t me but his way of thinking and that he has to be selfish now because it’s life or death for him. He said the ways he uses “could kill him”, and that not only is he in AA but he’s now realizing he’s not equipped for an adult relationship until he works on himself. I tried everything to help him understand I would he supportive and how much I care, but he said he could not be w me or anyone for a long time until he can heal.
It’s day 2 and I’m heartbroken. I thought this was it when we got back together. He’s high functioning and goes to a very professional, demanding career so I had no idea all these thoughts were in his mind. I hate myself for acting out of character the past few weeks that lead him to feel this way. He kept saying it’s not me but his issues, but still...
i miss him terribly. He wants to be friends and we talked about maybe trying when he has a year under his belt but he said he’s not sure how long his recovery will be and I’ll probably be engaged by the time he gets his act together. I packed my things and left without saying by as I was too sad and he was off to a meeting.
No one gets my pain and I hate when friends say “it’s better you get out now, he’s a drug addicted” etc. I know him and his heart. I too am a health professional and believe w time w can change and heal.
Any advice works help! Blessings to you all and your loved ones!!! Thanks guys!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
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I'm so sorry you are going through this and that it is causing you so much pain.
Sometimes we have to take people at their word. I'm sure it doesn't help, but it sounds as though his intention is to focus 100% on his recovery. Addicts and people in early recovery tend to be selfish and don't make good partners.
It probably seems impossible right now but focusing on yourself and on accepting that he cannot give you what you want right now will see you through this. Spend time with people who care for you, treat yourself well, and know that you deserve much more than this person is capable of giving right now.
Sometimes we have to take people at their word. I'm sure it doesn't help, but it sounds as though his intention is to focus 100% on his recovery. Addicts and people in early recovery tend to be selfish and don't make good partners.
It probably seems impossible right now but focusing on yourself and on accepting that he cannot give you what you want right now will see you through this. Spend time with people who care for you, treat yourself well, and know that you deserve much more than this person is capable of giving right now.
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Join Date: Oct 2019
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Originally Posted by SparkleKitty 
I'm so sorry you are going through this and that it is causing you so much pain.
Sometimes we have to take people at their word. I'm sure it doesn't help, but it sounds as though his intention is to focus 100% on his recovery. Addicts and people in early recovery tend to be selfish and don't make good partners
It probably seems impossible right now but focusing on yourself and on accepting that he cannot give you what you want right now will see you through this.
Spend time with people who care for you, treat yourself well, and know that you deserve much more than this person is capable of giving right now.
Sometimes we have to take people at their word. I'm sure it doesn't help, but it sounds as though his intention is to focus 100% on his recovery. Addicts and people in early recovery tend to be selfish and don't make good partners
It probably seems impossible right now but focusing on yourself and on accepting that he cannot give you what you want right now will see you through this.
Spend time with people who care for you, treat yourself well, and know that you deserve much more than this person is capable of giving right now.
Thanks for your reply!!! I’m trying to find strength. It’s nice to have support from others that truly understand. I’m still so confused. I know this is his own journey but why shut me out if he cared so much for me and said I was the ideal partner. I get it, but I also don’t. It hurts how much I miss him. Who else can relate?
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Location: Chicago
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Sometimes the timing just isn't right, and no matter how much we feel for someone, being with them isn't an option. With addiction and recovery, this is pretty much par for the course. I left my XABF when I finally accepted that he was never going to stop drinking, when I took him for who he actually was rather than who I wished he was.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,635
Addicts make notoriously terrible partners, that's the truth of it. They are unstable, unreliable and self centered.
You may want to check out the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum as well, I think you will find many stories there that you will relate to (you can, of course, post there as well if you like):
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
Some threads that might be helpful:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...oke-up-me.html (My alcoholic fiancé broke up with me)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...y-friends.html (Is it possible to stay friends?)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ning-more.html (Realizations and Learning More)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-emotions.html (How to deal with the emotions?)
It would be a good idea to also read the stickies at the top of the forum, learn as much as you can about addiction, for you, not for him - he is doing his own thing.
Addiction is selfish, recovery is selfish. What he is saying is that he is in no position to handle his life right now, let alone be in a relationship.
I'm sorry you got hurt in all of this.
You may want to check out the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum as well, I think you will find many stories there that you will relate to (you can, of course, post there as well if you like):
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
Some threads that might be helpful:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...oke-up-me.html (My alcoholic fiancé broke up with me)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...y-friends.html (Is it possible to stay friends?)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ning-more.html (Realizations and Learning More)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-emotions.html (How to deal with the emotions?)
It would be a good idea to also read the stickies at the top of the forum, learn as much as you can about addiction, for you, not for him - he is doing his own thing.
Addiction is selfish, recovery is selfish. What he is saying is that he is in no position to handle his life right now, let alone be in a relationship.
I'm sorry you got hurt in all of this.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
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addiction and recovery are VERY serious business. please re-read this statement:
it was a bad idea for him to have started a relationship so early into his recovery and to end it if his reaction to common relationship issues are causing cravings, his sobriety could be in jeopardy. He told me he cared for me very much and it wasn’t me but his way of thinking and that he has to be selfish now because it’s life or death for him. He said the ways he uses “could kill him”,
he needs to have his full focus being on not doing the thing that could kill him. surely by now you have read/heard of the Opioid Epidemic and how many addicts are dying? he doesn't have the luxury of wiggle room or free time, not when the beast of addiction is right at his heels.
this truly has nothing to do with YOU as a person.
it was a bad idea for him to have started a relationship so early into his recovery and to end it if his reaction to common relationship issues are causing cravings, his sobriety could be in jeopardy. He told me he cared for me very much and it wasn’t me but his way of thinking and that he has to be selfish now because it’s life or death for him. He said the ways he uses “could kill him”,
he needs to have his full focus being on not doing the thing that could kill him. surely by now you have read/heard of the Opioid Epidemic and how many addicts are dying? he doesn't have the luxury of wiggle room or free time, not when the beast of addiction is right at his heels.
this truly has nothing to do with YOU as a person.
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I'm sorry you are hurting, but Anvil is right. This is life or death for him, and it is good that he recognizes that fact. If, after he has a year or so of consistent sobriety, things may change, but don't sit around waiting.
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Thanks for all the insight. I completely understand this is about his need to save his life and to stay on the path of sobriety. I know it wasn’t easy for him to change his ways in his 30’s after living w his opioid addiction for so long.
the last time we spoke he said his sponsor and a few folks from his fellowship agreed and seem to have encouraged him to end our relationship and that he shouldn’t have rekindled w me 2 days into his sobriety. (all this is new to me and I has no idea that a year sobriety is recommended) I cant help but feel hurt the encouraged him when they don’t know me or about our connection and how I could have been supportive. He’s a grown man and made the decision, but I can’t help by wonder if they had some influence....
I know it will get better w each day. I never thought I’d be in this position. One of my major deal breakers was never date a smoker and little did I know when we started dating he was hiding an opioid addiction. By the time he shared, I had already developed feelings.
Im not sure when or how we will be friends, but I told him when he feels he has recovered enough to be in a relationship to reach out because we don’t know where we will be in our lives then. I don’t plan on waiting around but no one knows what the future may hold.
i wish he had figured this out before we met. It’s so unfortunate that in my late 30’s I finally meet a great guy I have a connection w but he is battling his own demons and understandably has to be selfish and chose himself over us....
all the best to everyone regardless which end of the spectrum you land on.
Thanks for reading
the last time we spoke he said his sponsor and a few folks from his fellowship agreed and seem to have encouraged him to end our relationship and that he shouldn’t have rekindled w me 2 days into his sobriety. (all this is new to me and I has no idea that a year sobriety is recommended) I cant help but feel hurt the encouraged him when they don’t know me or about our connection and how I could have been supportive. He’s a grown man and made the decision, but I can’t help by wonder if they had some influence....
I know it will get better w each day. I never thought I’d be in this position. One of my major deal breakers was never date a smoker and little did I know when we started dating he was hiding an opioid addiction. By the time he shared, I had already developed feelings.
Im not sure when or how we will be friends, but I told him when he feels he has recovered enough to be in a relationship to reach out because we don’t know where we will be in our lives then. I don’t plan on waiting around but no one knows what the future may hold.
i wish he had figured this out before we met. It’s so unfortunate that in my late 30’s I finally meet a great guy I have a connection w but he is battling his own demons and understandably has to be selfish and chose himself over us....
all the best to everyone regardless which end of the spectrum you land on.
Thanks for reading
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Join Date: Sep 2019
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One of the other posters said something so true about taking him for who he is and not who you want him to be.
I'm going through a break up too after nearly 20 years of waiting for my husband to heal or change. Don't be like me and waste all that time x
I'm going through a break up too after nearly 20 years of waiting for my husband to heal or change. Don't be like me and waste all that time x
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Originally Posted by WifeWakingUp
One of the other posters said something so true about taking him for who he is and not who you want him to be.
I'm going through a break up too after nearly 20 years of waiting for my husband to heal or change. Don't be like me and waste all that time x
I'm going through a break up too after nearly 20 years of waiting for my husband to heal or change. Don't be like me and waste all that time x
I wish you peace and strength
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I cant help but feel hurt the encouraged him when they don’t know me or about our connection and how I could have been supportive. He’s a grown man and made the decision, but I can’t help by wonder if they had some influence....
his recovery isnt about you.the advise given was to save HIS life and you dont know how to support an addict in early recovery- they do. again,ya truly dont know how to support an addict in early recovery.
yes,they had influenc.YEARS of recovery experience. THOUSANDS of addicts go back to usings and MANY die and one thing that ***** them up is relationships.we're a mental mess in early recovery(a year in is stil early). dont know ourselves let alone how to have a relationship.
how long is this relationship been so far?
it would be wise to look at why you want to be in a relationship with a trainwreck.that whole great connection thing- reads like that was determined after one date.
his recovery isnt about you.the advise given was to save HIS life and you dont know how to support an addict in early recovery- they do. again,ya truly dont know how to support an addict in early recovery.
yes,they had influenc.YEARS of recovery experience. THOUSANDS of addicts go back to usings and MANY die and one thing that ***** them up is relationships.we're a mental mess in early recovery(a year in is stil early). dont know ourselves let alone how to have a relationship.
how long is this relationship been so far?
it would be wise to look at why you want to be in a relationship with a trainwreck.that whole great connection thing- reads like that was determined after one date.
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Caligrl
You posted above - He said the ways he uses “could kill him”
I was driving to work last week & I noticed a new billboard. Giant bold letters hard to miss :
"Today in the US your are more likely to die from an opioid over dose than in a car accident."
As Anvil previously said - opioid addiction is an epidemic. I will add to her comment that this epidemic is killing people at an alarming rate.
You posted - I hate when friends say “it’s better you get out now, he’s a drug addicted”
In my case I was very isolated during my relationship with her my addict. It wasn't until after I detached from her that I was told on SR by the same good people responding to you now that she is an addict. I hated hearing that truth. But it was very true.
You sound like a smart woman & have a lot going for you. From what you wrote so far you are heavily emotionally invested with this guy but no other entanglements such as marriage, children, or even living together.
Please do yourself a favor & read online about opioid addiction. Its ugly beyond comprehension. It does nothing but destroy all in its path. You and /or him could be fine one day & the next, this train your on crashes off the tracks. Like how you say? - you & him are in the car driving get pulled over by the police, they notice his pin point pupils & suspect drug use. Car gets searched & they find drugs & paraphernalia. He denies its his. Then guess what - you both get arrested.
Do not go any further down this never ending rabbit hole. Its very deep, dark, & has never ending twists and turns. I know because I went so far down that I totally lost myself. It damn near killed me.
Please take time to think carefully about where you go with this from here. Your BF is not in his right mind. He is an opioid addict. Whether you like it or not its a fact. You cant believe anything he is telling you. It sucks but that's the bottom line truth of it.
I hope you choose to save yourself. A better life awaits for you. A life you deserve. All you have to do is make it happen.
You posted above - He said the ways he uses “could kill him”
I was driving to work last week & I noticed a new billboard. Giant bold letters hard to miss :
"Today in the US your are more likely to die from an opioid over dose than in a car accident."
As Anvil previously said - opioid addiction is an epidemic. I will add to her comment that this epidemic is killing people at an alarming rate.
You posted - I hate when friends say “it’s better you get out now, he’s a drug addicted”
In my case I was very isolated during my relationship with her my addict. It wasn't until after I detached from her that I was told on SR by the same good people responding to you now that she is an addict. I hated hearing that truth. But it was very true.
You sound like a smart woman & have a lot going for you. From what you wrote so far you are heavily emotionally invested with this guy but no other entanglements such as marriage, children, or even living together.
Please do yourself a favor & read online about opioid addiction. Its ugly beyond comprehension. It does nothing but destroy all in its path. You and /or him could be fine one day & the next, this train your on crashes off the tracks. Like how you say? - you & him are in the car driving get pulled over by the police, they notice his pin point pupils & suspect drug use. Car gets searched & they find drugs & paraphernalia. He denies its his. Then guess what - you both get arrested.
Do not go any further down this never ending rabbit hole. Its very deep, dark, & has never ending twists and turns. I know because I went so far down that I totally lost myself. It damn near killed me.
Please take time to think carefully about where you go with this from here. Your BF is not in his right mind. He is an opioid addict. Whether you like it or not its a fact. You cant believe anything he is telling you. It sucks but that's the bottom line truth of it.
I hope you choose to save yourself. A better life awaits for you. A life you deserve. All you have to do is make it happen.
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Join Date: Oct 2019
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All the replies have been eye opening. I think I was blinded by emotions that I wasn’t allowing myself to see the truth and how dangerous his addiction.
Thanks for the harsh truth. May all those affected and all that are suffering find strength (to stay sober)
Thanks for the harsh truth. May all those affected and all that are suffering find strength (to stay sober)
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Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 6
My guy ended our relationship to focus on recovery - I’m shocked
Hi everyone,
seeing some very common themes on here and it’s helping me a great deal. I too am dealing with a breakup that seemed to come out of nowhere and I’m really hurting. My guy was amazing. He only told he was in recovery a few months into our relationship. I was a little shocked but nothing about his behavior seemed off. He was not quite a year into recovery and I was proud he seemed to be handling it so well. (SO WELL!). Has a demanding job that he handles beautifully and is close with his family. Our relationship was intense from the get go. Was that a sign-I truly don’t know. Then one weekend he just fell off the radar. Apparently feelings of him feeling overwhelmed boiled over. He told me he can’t be in this relationship. I’m so sad. Heartbroken. He said he needed to focus on himself. The hard part of all of this is -(tears welling up) he really really cared about me. I’m in shock. I KNOW he needs to focus on himself but it just hurts.. when he was justifying why we should be together he seemed angry. I guess I valued our relationship very highl level I would never have let it go, BUT my life is not on the line either. I am just lost. I’ve read that people shouldn’t date for a year and it all makes sense but -I’m just heartbroken and lost. If you had asked me before this I would have told you he loved me. Some of my friends tell me I should be happy not to go down this road with him as it will always be difficult. Thankful for the posts I’ve read thus far. I just need my heart to stop hurting.
seeing some very common themes on here and it’s helping me a great deal. I too am dealing with a breakup that seemed to come out of nowhere and I’m really hurting. My guy was amazing. He only told he was in recovery a few months into our relationship. I was a little shocked but nothing about his behavior seemed off. He was not quite a year into recovery and I was proud he seemed to be handling it so well. (SO WELL!). Has a demanding job that he handles beautifully and is close with his family. Our relationship was intense from the get go. Was that a sign-I truly don’t know. Then one weekend he just fell off the radar. Apparently feelings of him feeling overwhelmed boiled over. He told me he can’t be in this relationship. I’m so sad. Heartbroken. He said he needed to focus on himself. The hard part of all of this is -(tears welling up) he really really cared about me. I’m in shock. I KNOW he needs to focus on himself but it just hurts.. when he was justifying why we should be together he seemed angry. I guess I valued our relationship very highl level I would never have let it go, BUT my life is not on the line either. I am just lost. I’ve read that people shouldn’t date for a year and it all makes sense but -I’m just heartbroken and lost. If you had asked me before this I would have told you he loved me. Some of my friends tell me I should be happy not to go down this road with him as it will always be difficult. Thankful for the posts I’ve read thus far. I just need my heart to stop hurting.
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Join Date: Oct 2019
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Hi Sparkleleaf,
I can certainly relate. I felt so blindsided and still confused, angry, sad... it's been a few weeks since the breakup and i feel many friends don't understand or pass judgement. I believe we can't help who we fall in love with. I had one person respond to my post that was a bit harsh, given he or she was not part of my relationship, but otherwise the rest of the replies and forums have been helpful.
It's a lot to digest as this isn't just a normal breakup. I can imagine how you feel. I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm just keeping myself busy and reminding myself that as much as i cared for him, i had to let him go so he could heal and fight his demons with no distractions. I've kindly asked friends who have negative comments to please respect what i had with him and not to dump on him.
I hope you're getting better with each day. sending you a warm hug...
I can certainly relate. I felt so blindsided and still confused, angry, sad... it's been a few weeks since the breakup and i feel many friends don't understand or pass judgement. I believe we can't help who we fall in love with. I had one person respond to my post that was a bit harsh, given he or she was not part of my relationship, but otherwise the rest of the replies and forums have been helpful.
It's a lot to digest as this isn't just a normal breakup. I can imagine how you feel. I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm just keeping myself busy and reminding myself that as much as i cared for him, i had to let him go so he could heal and fight his demons with no distractions. I've kindly asked friends who have negative comments to please respect what i had with him and not to dump on him.
I hope you're getting better with each day. sending you a warm hug...
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,635
Caligrl, your feelings are so normal as you are still grieving the end of the relationship - which was harsh.
It can be difficult for people who don't understand addiction to understand how you are feeling as well. It is different in many cases. How many of your friends and family have broken off a relationship with someone who needed to go and focus on their recovery? It's not like a "normal" break up where there are inherent problems with the relationship.
Same with active addiction, it can be a jekyll and hyde situation, which can be hard to deal with (in a nutshell).
So yes, maybe they don't know but most of us don't know much about addiction when we don't have to.
So stick close here, also you might want to check out Al-Anon, great support there.
It can be difficult for people who don't understand addiction to understand how you are feeling as well. It is different in many cases. How many of your friends and family have broken off a relationship with someone who needed to go and focus on their recovery? It's not like a "normal" break up where there are inherent problems with the relationship.
Same with active addiction, it can be a jekyll and hyde situation, which can be hard to deal with (in a nutshell).
So yes, maybe they don't know but most of us don't know much about addiction when we don't have to.
So stick close here, also you might want to check out Al-Anon, great support there.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 695
I am sorry you are hurting but have to say count your blessings. Take that hurt you feel now and times it by 10000 and that is what you had to look forward to. Being in a long term relationship with an addict is a life filled with pain. Again, I am sorry you are hurting but if he feels he needs time for recovery, then give it to him please.
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Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 63
the last time we spoke he said his sponsor and a few folks from his fellowship agreed and seem to have encouraged him to end our relationshipI am not sure if they have some influence on that or not, however in my experience I think my XAF would pick whatever side was favoring him. While his mother was the one calling often wondering how much he was drinking everyday, he would tell me to ignore her cuz she still thinks he is a baby.... when I was sure of how much he drinks I started to get on him about drinking and he ran back to his mom, I was the crazy one. When I told him that his mom once suggested professional help he was against both of us. Of course at the end she took his side by saying I was stressing him out and therefore causing him to drink (denial on her part).
when I told him of how much harm he was causing me, I also told him how much I loved him and asked him to get help cus it was killing me to watch him kill himself a little everyday. He promised he would. He then said the therapist told him to get out of the relationship because it was bad for him. I found out he never went to the appointment we made with this doctor specializes in addiction. So I don’t know how he came up with that. I guess they will blame whoever is convenient at the time. He also said he had to break up because he promised me he would do whatever the doctor told him to do, and he told him to leave me.
I completely understand how you feel, and how hurt and confused you might be. I’m still struggling blaming myself and trying to process everything, but I hope it gives you some insight.
when I told him of how much harm he was causing me, I also told him how much I loved him and asked him to get help cus it was killing me to watch him kill himself a little everyday. He promised he would. He then said the therapist told him to get out of the relationship because it was bad for him. I found out he never went to the appointment we made with this doctor specializes in addiction. So I don’t know how he came up with that. I guess they will blame whoever is convenient at the time. He also said he had to break up because he promised me he would do whatever the doctor told him to do, and he told him to leave me.
I completely understand how you feel, and how hurt and confused you might be. I’m still struggling blaming myself and trying to process everything, but I hope it gives you some insight.
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Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 63
[QUOTE=Nara;7324773]
the last time we spoke he said his sponsor and a few folks from his fellowship agreed and seem to have encouraged him to end our relationship
I am not sure if they have some influence on that or not, however in my experience I think my XAF would pick whatever side was favoring him. While his mother was the one calling often wondering how much he was drinking everyday, he would tell me to ignore her cuz she still thinks he is a baby.... when I was sure of how much he drinks I started to get on him about drinking and he ran back to his mom, I was the crazy one. When I told him that his mom once suggested professional help he was against both of us. Of course at the end she took his side by saying I was stressing him out and therefore causing him to drink (denial on her part).
when I told him of how much harm he was causing me, I also told him how much I loved him and asked him to get help cus it was killing me to watch him kill himself a little everyday. He promised he would. He then said the therapist told him to get out of the relationship because it was bad for him. I found out he never went to the appointment we made with this doctor specializes in addiction. So I don’t know how he came up with that. I guess they will blame whoever is convenient at the time. He also said he had to break up because he promised me he would do whatever the doctor told him to do, and he told him to leave me.
I completely understand how you feel, and how hurt and confused you might be. I’m still struggling blaming myself and trying to process everything, but I hope it gives you some insight.
I am not sure if they have some influence on that or not, however in my experience I think my XAF would pick whatever side was favoring him. While his mother was the one calling often wondering how much he was drinking everyday, he would tell me to ignore her cuz she still thinks he is a baby.... when I was sure of how much he drinks I started to get on him about drinking and he ran back to his mom, I was the crazy one. When I told him that his mom once suggested professional help he was against both of us. Of course at the end she took his side by saying I was stressing him out and therefore causing him to drink (denial on her part).
when I told him of how much harm he was causing me, I also told him how much I loved him and asked him to get help cus it was killing me to watch him kill himself a little everyday. He promised he would. He then said the therapist told him to get out of the relationship because it was bad for him. I found out he never went to the appointment we made with this doctor specializes in addiction. So I don’t know how he came up with that. I guess they will blame whoever is convenient at the time. He also said he had to break up because he promised me he would do whatever the doctor told him to do, and he told him to leave me.
I completely understand how you feel, and how hurt and confused you might be. I’m still struggling blaming myself and trying to process everything, but I hope it gives you some insight.
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