going away on a break but still struggling
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 36
going away on a break but still struggling
I'll be away this weekend for another break. My AH is accusing me of abandoning him and says I'm the last person he thought would do this to him, especially knowing how much loss he's suffered in his life. Oh, well. It's slightly easier to walk away because I know I'll be relaxed but still feeling a teensy bit guilty, but am not letting him manipulate me so this is just a little rant so I can remind myself what he's doing.
The hardest part is the lies, almost worse than the drinking. He said he wants to get sober and work on the marriage but continues to drink. The last couple days he's been obviously drunk but denies, denies, denies. (I know it's not helpful to snidely say, "drunk again, are we?" When I walk in the door, but I can't seem to stop myself). He looks me straight in my eyes and says he's telling the truth, that I am projecting my frustration on him and I am picking on him unfairly and that I want him to fail. Actually told me that maybe it's left over alcohol in his system from weeks ago that "makes him appear drunk" when he's not. Nice try. It's so frustrating. I am trying not to react to the stupidity (but only 85 percent successful).
I know I shouldn't be surprised by the lies but for some reason it hits me like a brick wall every time. I'm glad I'm going away.
The hardest part is the lies, almost worse than the drinking. He said he wants to get sober and work on the marriage but continues to drink. The last couple days he's been obviously drunk but denies, denies, denies. (I know it's not helpful to snidely say, "drunk again, are we?" When I walk in the door, but I can't seem to stop myself). He looks me straight in my eyes and says he's telling the truth, that I am projecting my frustration on him and I am picking on him unfairly and that I want him to fail. Actually told me that maybe it's left over alcohol in his system from weeks ago that "makes him appear drunk" when he's not. Nice try. It's so frustrating. I am trying not to react to the stupidity (but only 85 percent successful).
I know I shouldn't be surprised by the lies but for some reason it hits me like a brick wall every time. I'm glad I'm going away.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
sheepherder.....around here, we call that kind of ridiculousness coming from the alcoholic's mouth...."Quacking".....I will help you, if every time it happens....picture him like a little duck quacking it's head off!...….
We actually have a thread called "Quackers"......lol.....
It is good that you are not letting the false guilt keep you from the things that you need to do for yourself.....
Trust what you know...not what he says......
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
Sorry sheepherder, I know how every little lie feels like a stab in the heart and a nail in the coffin of the relationship.
Eventually those kinds of lies broke the last fragile tie of my marriage. I couldn't take having a spouse I couldn't trust. I became a woman I barely recognized and didn't like when I reacted to his ridiculousness. I didn't want to get down there in the mud with him but sometimes it was just so damn hard not to! Learning to erect and enforce my boundaries helped in many ways, one of which was regaining my dignity.
I am glad you are going for a get away. Distance helps too. Getting out of the chaos and breathing in some tranquility helps to clear out the fog. Good for you for not allowing him to manipulate you out of it. I'm glad that you could see see his self centered reasoning for what it was and didn't fall prey to it. You should never feel guilty about doing something that is good for your own health.
I hope you have a fabulous weekend!
Eventually those kinds of lies broke the last fragile tie of my marriage. I couldn't take having a spouse I couldn't trust. I became a woman I barely recognized and didn't like when I reacted to his ridiculousness. I didn't want to get down there in the mud with him but sometimes it was just so damn hard not to! Learning to erect and enforce my boundaries helped in many ways, one of which was regaining my dignity.
I am glad you are going for a get away. Distance helps too. Getting out of the chaos and breathing in some tranquility helps to clear out the fog. Good for you for not allowing him to manipulate you out of it. I'm glad that you could see see his self centered reasoning for what it was and didn't fall prey to it. You should never feel guilty about doing something that is good for your own health.
I hope you have a fabulous weekend!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Virginia
Posts: 469
Sheepherder,
It is the lies that hurt me the most also. Them saying one thing, but us knowing it's not true . makes you want to scream. Alcoholics are manipulators. They want you to feel guilty. They want to do every thing they can do to bring you under their control. That way they can keep doing what they want.
I'm glad you are being strong. You deserve to get away. I hope you have a great time and forget about all the sad stuff that you are going through right now. Have fun and know you have friends here if you need us.. Have a beautiful day.
It is the lies that hurt me the most also. Them saying one thing, but us knowing it's not true . makes you want to scream. Alcoholics are manipulators. They want you to feel guilty. They want to do every thing they can do to bring you under their control. That way they can keep doing what they want.
I'm glad you are being strong. You deserve to get away. I hope you have a great time and forget about all the sad stuff that you are going through right now. Have fun and know you have friends here if you need us.. Have a beautiful day.
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