Procrastinating on my Steps
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 519
Procrastinating on my Steps
I have been "all in" for my recover; attending meetings, working with sponsor, fellowship, etc.
I am also not someone who likes to put things off. But I have been TERRIFIED to do the Steps.
I just finished step three in AA and have work to do in Four. I cannot bring myself to start, and it is causing me anxiety.
Just wanted to vent, if anyone would like to share their experiences with step work, I would love to hear it.
Thanks and goodnight
Nic
I am also not someone who likes to put things off. But I have been TERRIFIED to do the Steps.
I just finished step three in AA and have work to do in Four. I cannot bring myself to start, and it is causing me anxiety.
Just wanted to vent, if anyone would like to share their experiences with step work, I would love to hear it.
Thanks and goodnight
Nic
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
I'm not in AA so I have no experience to share but personally I think most of us could benefit from a "searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves"
what have you got to lose really NicLin?
Go for it
D
what have you got to lose really NicLin?
Go for it
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
Going to Step Study meetings help when we
read thru them and discuss them together in
a group. Id go, read and listen to those who
have already work thru the steps and now live
them in their everyday life.
Learn how to clean the clutter in our lives
that we accumulated thru out the yrs before,
during and after addiction, then, thru the
steps, we use them as a guideline to avoid
repeating old behaviors.
I learned a lot from just sitting, listening intentively
in all my meeting to the "old-timers" or experienced
folks that have been there done that already.
They paved the way to help me learn how to live
a healthy, happier, honesty sober life for yrs to come.
Priceless.....
read thru them and discuss them together in
a group. Id go, read and listen to those who
have already work thru the steps and now live
them in their everyday life.
Learn how to clean the clutter in our lives
that we accumulated thru out the yrs before,
during and after addiction, then, thru the
steps, we use them as a guideline to avoid
repeating old behaviors.
I learned a lot from just sitting, listening intentively
in all my meeting to the "old-timers" or experienced
folks that have been there done that already.
They paved the way to help me learn how to live
a healthy, happier, honesty sober life for yrs to come.
Priceless.....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,154
I don't think the steps are anything to strike fear into our hearts, and I think Dee is right with "personally I think most of us could benefit from a "searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."
But the thing wouldn't sound so ominous if it would have just been worded, "Do an inventory of ourselves," which I think is what you should do. You don't need to be fearless, because there is nothing to fear, and for goodness sake's don't make "morality" the center of the the thing. Just take an inventory and learn about yourself, your flaws and your strengths. Define your morality, because it's different for everyone, but don't focus on your alcoholic depravity. The opportunity for self awareness is much greater than that.
Where can you improve? What can you do to make life better? And most of all, what can you learn that you don't already know about yourself? Then if someone asks if you've done your fourth step, you can smile to yourself and think, "Oh, yes! That and more."
Inventories and getting to know yourself may seem terrifying and you will uncover unknowns, but my experience is that the end results of each little "study" is always enlightening and exciting. OK, some areas will be blind alleys, but the ones that do go somewhere unexpected are exciting.
Just turn the thing into something beneficial. Don't think it's just another excuse to bash yourself. It isn't and it won't be.
But the thing wouldn't sound so ominous if it would have just been worded, "Do an inventory of ourselves," which I think is what you should do. You don't need to be fearless, because there is nothing to fear, and for goodness sake's don't make "morality" the center of the the thing. Just take an inventory and learn about yourself, your flaws and your strengths. Define your morality, because it's different for everyone, but don't focus on your alcoholic depravity. The opportunity for self awareness is much greater than that.
Where can you improve? What can you do to make life better? And most of all, what can you learn that you don't already know about yourself? Then if someone asks if you've done your fourth step, you can smile to yourself and think, "Oh, yes! That and more."
Inventories and getting to know yourself may seem terrifying and you will uncover unknowns, but my experience is that the end results of each little "study" is always enlightening and exciting. OK, some areas will be blind alleys, but the ones that do go somewhere unexpected are exciting.
Just turn the thing into something beneficial. Don't think it's just another excuse to bash yourself. It isn't and it won't be.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
I'm personally not going to AA or if step studies or anything like that but I mean like other people stated are you doing it this is for you who cares what anybody thinks you know you done wrong what can you fix moving forward try not to repeat what you were doing before that's all of this is about it's not a bashing contest yes we were boneheads were we were in our booze days. I'm not going to sugarcoat it you know it is what it is I'm an alcoholic I'm in remission I messed up my life now I'm working on fixing it one day at a time
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 259
I am currently working through the steps. A lot of people fear step four and five. What the steps really come down to is admitting alcohol doesn’t work for you, turning your life over to a higher power, looking at your past to get rid of fear and resentment so you can move forward, realizing your character defects so when one creeps up you can identify it, making amends and apologizing to people so you don’t have to carry any guilt, then living your life each day nipping situations in the bud rather than letting them build while also spreading the message and helping other people with this alcohol problem.
My advice would be to find a sponsor that you do not feel stressed about doing steps four and five with. I can relate to your feelings, but when I did the steps they really weren’t that bad. Most sponsors have heard it all from sponsees and can relate their own story.
My advice would be to find a sponsor that you do not feel stressed about doing steps four and five with. I can relate to your feelings, but when I did the steps they really weren’t that bad. Most sponsors have heard it all from sponsees and can relate their own story.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Just do it. Stalling at step 4 is a too common mistake people make, at their peril. There are helpful worksheets online - I used them to get me started. The BB also lays out the simplest formula- one person I know with long time recovery says he directs his sponsees to use the same number of words (I think only 14) with each item, like the examples in the Book.
Also, a thought- talk with your sponsor to explore whether you have really done 2 and 3.
Also, a thought- talk with your sponsor to explore whether you have really done 2 and 3.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Essex
Posts: 411
Sometimes I get confused by the language I hear to describe step 'work'....perhaps as you've suggested in your OP, the work is actually in just getting, and keeping, out of the way....?
The work I did for step 3 was to the read the Big Book, and then get down on my knees with a sponsor to say the step 3 prayer. That was an act that signified my readiness to put aside my pride, self will and self-reliance. I got to (get to) build on that by using the step 3, and serenity prayers in my day to day
Step four really didn't when it came down to it, provide any great revelations...it confirmed what I already knew about myself but would struggle to own up to. The struggle is with myself - do I really want to own up to being self-pitying, angry, or dishonest? Would I prefer to attribute those traits elsewhere? Well, no I didn't, particularly the tendency to self-pity, and to hand the responsibility for my life to others, but it wasn't nearly as painful to own up to it, as it had been to hold on to it.....it is true, what is resisted, persists. There's relief in saying out loud this is actually who I am, particularly when that is met with identification from another person. Powerful, not to be missed. Final thing that was useful, this wasn't an exercise in look what an awful person I am, that too is only ego, it's about telling the truth, that's all, and that can even begin, it did for me at least, with an acknowledgement that I wasn't altogether sure what the truth looked like. But part of that truth will be that we all have both liabilities and assets, no-one is all darkness or all light. A read of step four specifically in the 12x12 is a worthwhile exercise (the whole book is worth reading at some point....) It provides a brilliant overview of the flaws any of us who draw breath are likely to possess. Never alone.....
This started off as a route to not taking a drink. It's become so much more than that. It's such a worthwhile way to live. Highly recommended. Go for it....
The work I did for step 3 was to the read the Big Book, and then get down on my knees with a sponsor to say the step 3 prayer. That was an act that signified my readiness to put aside my pride, self will and self-reliance. I got to (get to) build on that by using the step 3, and serenity prayers in my day to day
Step four really didn't when it came down to it, provide any great revelations...it confirmed what I already knew about myself but would struggle to own up to. The struggle is with myself - do I really want to own up to being self-pitying, angry, or dishonest? Would I prefer to attribute those traits elsewhere? Well, no I didn't, particularly the tendency to self-pity, and to hand the responsibility for my life to others, but it wasn't nearly as painful to own up to it, as it had been to hold on to it.....it is true, what is resisted, persists. There's relief in saying out loud this is actually who I am, particularly when that is met with identification from another person. Powerful, not to be missed. Final thing that was useful, this wasn't an exercise in look what an awful person I am, that too is only ego, it's about telling the truth, that's all, and that can even begin, it did for me at least, with an acknowledgement that I wasn't altogether sure what the truth looked like. But part of that truth will be that we all have both liabilities and assets, no-one is all darkness or all light. A read of step four specifically in the 12x12 is a worthwhile exercise (the whole book is worth reading at some point....) It provides a brilliant overview of the flaws any of us who draw breath are likely to possess. Never alone.....
This started off as a route to not taking a drink. It's become so much more than that. It's such a worthwhile way to live. Highly recommended. Go for it....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Colorado
Posts: 347
Hiya Nic,
My sponsor taught me to avoid all-or-nothing, black-and-white thinking. I had a notebook lying around and started jotting down a few things in pencil now and then, usually over coffee, as memories came to me, over time, no timeline, no BIG breakthrough step WORK, program conformity, uh, oh, am I SEARCHING AND FEARLESS, blah blah blah.
If there's one thing Bill Wilson and some of those other boys were, it was humorless, dogmatic, black-and-white thinkers. Doesn't mean you have to be.
My guess is you could read through some of your posts here and find some starting material.
I guess what I'm saying is, Don't make such a big deal out of it. Let it take it's course.
Best wishes.
My sponsor taught me to avoid all-or-nothing, black-and-white thinking. I had a notebook lying around and started jotting down a few things in pencil now and then, usually over coffee, as memories came to me, over time, no timeline, no BIG breakthrough step WORK, program conformity, uh, oh, am I SEARCHING AND FEARLESS, blah blah blah.
If there's one thing Bill Wilson and some of those other boys were, it was humorless, dogmatic, black-and-white thinkers. Doesn't mean you have to be.
My guess is you could read through some of your posts here and find some starting material.
I guess what I'm saying is, Don't make such a big deal out of it. Let it take it's course.
Best wishes.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
"I have been TERRIFIED to do the Steps."
The steps saved my life. During my step work I learned that fear ruled my life.
How much pain do you like to be in? Do you want to feel freedom? Work those steps. Simple, not easy.
I wrote my 4th step in 4 hours. Early the next morning sponsor and I work the 5th step.
The steps saved my life. During my step work I learned that fear ruled my life.
How much pain do you like to be in? Do you want to feel freedom? Work those steps.
Simple, not easy.I wrote my 4th step in 4 hours. Early the next morning sponsor and I work the 5th step.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
what terrified me about step 4 was that it got me closer to 5 and 9.
i did procrastinate for a couple of weeks on that step, and then it flowed, and then i procrastinated on the “biggest one” again, and the whole step took about five weeks, which was too long.
just do it honestly and thoroughly where you are at, without dragging it out too much.
i did procrastinate for a couple of weeks on that step, and then it flowed, and then i procrastinated on the “biggest one” again, and the whole step took about five weeks, which was too long.
just do it honestly and thoroughly where you are at, without dragging it out too much.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Oh nic, I was sooooooo exactly like you.
I totally procrastinated on step 4. Didn’t know where to start. I had a sponsor, the big book, handy dandy worksheets.... still nothing. Even the blank pages scared the crap out of me.
It’s ok. Just start.
I was really hung up on doing step 4 PROPERLY.... Like scared to death if I forgot a single thing and wasn’t completely searching and fearless and 1000% thorough, vodka was going to miraculously pour itself down my throat or something.
That’s not true. At all.
Once I jumped through the flaming hula hoops of my fear, I learned one of my absolute most valuable things in recovery: we’ve all got to start somewhere. And if we do our honest best, we know we can do no better. For me, that erased all self doubt. I now know I’m always doing my level best. It’s not perfect and never will be, but it’s as good as I’ve got.
You’ve got this. Keep going, do your level best, be free. You deserve this freedom from alcohol.
I totally procrastinated on step 4. Didn’t know where to start. I had a sponsor, the big book, handy dandy worksheets.... still nothing. Even the blank pages scared the crap out of me.
It’s ok. Just start.
I was really hung up on doing step 4 PROPERLY.... Like scared to death if I forgot a single thing and wasn’t completely searching and fearless and 1000% thorough, vodka was going to miraculously pour itself down my throat or something.
That’s not true. At all.
Once I jumped through the flaming hula hoops of my fear, I learned one of my absolute most valuable things in recovery: we’ve all got to start somewhere. And if we do our honest best, we know we can do no better. For me, that erased all self doubt. I now know I’m always doing my level best. It’s not perfect and never will be, but it’s as good as I’ve got.
You’ve got this. Keep going, do your level best, be free. You deserve this freedom from alcohol.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 519
Thank you SO much everyone, this thread has made me feel so much better. I am glad I posted
I agree that my ego is holding me back. I also agree that perhaps I need to redo my 3rd step prayer as I was very disconnected yesterday with my sponsor.
I also want to do this PERFECTLY (one of my defects for sure) and won't allow myself an inch until I can. I beat myself constantly and live in self-loathing. This is one of the biggest hurdles I will be tackling with my work. My sponsor is incredible, I am having a hard week due to life's circumstances and she wants me to wait and be gently with myself until end of week, then get to it.
I am eager to begin the work and interested to see what I uncover, but I can see that I AM ALREADY deciding what it is going to be like for me, and that in turn has me anxious. I must be aware of this sneaky ego at all times.
I feel much more at peace tonight, will meditate and workout and give myself this week to redo the third step prayer with her and get to it. It won't be so bad, and definitely not as bad as drinking.
Thanks so much my SR family, you save the day again and I thank you all for keeping me sober today
Nic
I agree that my ego is holding me back. I also agree that perhaps I need to redo my 3rd step prayer as I was very disconnected yesterday with my sponsor.
I also want to do this PERFECTLY (one of my defects for sure) and won't allow myself an inch until I can. I beat myself constantly and live in self-loathing. This is one of the biggest hurdles I will be tackling with my work. My sponsor is incredible, I am having a hard week due to life's circumstances and she wants me to wait and be gently with myself until end of week, then get to it.
I am eager to begin the work and interested to see what I uncover, but I can see that I AM ALREADY deciding what it is going to be like for me, and that in turn has me anxious. I must be aware of this sneaky ego at all times.
I feel much more at peace tonight, will meditate and workout and give myself this week to redo the third step prayer with her and get to it. It won't be so bad, and definitely not as bad as drinking.
Thanks so much my SR family, you save the day again and I thank you all for keeping me sober today
Nic
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
i heard quite a few people say they got to the 4th and drank. when it occured to me i was crank8n on my 4th and didnt understand, so went to my sponsor.
" i dont get it,tom. im crankin on the 4th yet i hear so many people say they got to the 4th and drank."
he replied," you completed the first 3 steps.."
" i dont get it,tom. im crankin on the 4th yet i hear so many people say they got to the 4th and drank."
he replied," you completed the first 3 steps.."
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
Step 4 looks scary but feels great. Unless you do it, you will never know. You've no doubt heard that it's a "program of action" .... well it's action time.
Up till now you've admitted something, come to believe in something and made a decision. No real action yet.
Step 4 is following through with Step 3, it's how you clean out all the muck to make room for God. If you want God to move in, you gotta kick the old tenants out first.
Up till now you've admitted something, come to believe in something and made a decision. No real action yet.
Step 4 is following through with Step 3, it's how you clean out all the muck to make room for God. If you want God to move in, you gotta kick the old tenants out first.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Originally Posted by NicLin 
Thank you SO much everyone, this thread has made me feel so much better. I am glad I posted
I agree that my ego is holding me back. I also agree that perhaps I need to redo my 3rd step prayer as I was very disconnected yesterday with my sponsor.
I also want to do this PERFECTLY (one of my defects for sure) and won't allow myself an inch until I can. I beat myself constantly and live in self-loathing. This is one of the biggest hurdles I will be tackling with my work. My sponsor is incredible, I am having a hard week due to life's circumstances and she wants me to wait and be gently with myself until end of week, then get to it.
I am eager to begin the work and interested to see what I uncover, but I can see that I AM ALREADY deciding what it is going to be like for me, and that in turn has me anxious. I must be aware of this sneaky ego at all times.
I feel much more at peace tonight, will meditate and workout and give myself this week to redo the third step prayer with her and get to it. It won't be so bad, and definitely not as bad as drinking.
Thanks so much my SR family, you save the day again and I thank you all for keeping me sober today
Nic
I agree that my ego is holding me back. I also agree that perhaps I need to redo my 3rd step prayer as I was very disconnected yesterday with my sponsor.
I also want to do this PERFECTLY (one of my defects for sure) and won't allow myself an inch until I can. I beat myself constantly and live in self-loathing. This is one of the biggest hurdles I will be tackling with my work. My sponsor is incredible, I am having a hard week due to life's circumstances and she wants me to wait and be gently with myself until end of week, then get to it.
I am eager to begin the work and interested to see what I uncover, but I can see that I AM ALREADY deciding what it is going to be like for me, and that in turn has me anxious. I must be aware of this sneaky ego at all times.
I feel much more at peace tonight, will meditate and workout and give myself this week to redo the third step prayer with her and get to it. It won't be so bad, and definitely not as bad as drinking.
Thanks so much my SR family, you save the day again and I thank you all for keeping me sober today
Nic
Seriously, they become apparent when you get there, jumping the gun and guessing will just be confounding and frustrating.
I pretty much do the 3rd step prayer every night, even though I’m not particularly religious. I was a mess on my own, I do so much better letting whatever that hp is take control.
You’re doing great! Keep plugging, don’t drink. You’ll get there.
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