Wife of an alcoholic who needs to be connected to people who understand
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 3
Wife of an alcoholic who needs to be connected to people who understand
Hi!
I feel like I am walking in the dark but I guess I have to start somewhere! I am a wife of an alcoholic who has been in detox for 3 days now. I love my husband, I love our crazy family and I am proud of all the things we have accomplished before alcoholism snuck into our life’s! Everyone’s journey is different and I believe everyone’s life has a purpose. Alcoholism has been the biggest battle I ever had to face as it has destroyed many who I had been very close to and I didn’t want it to be true when it came to my husband and I feel I let him down because I should have seen the signs sooner! So here I am trying to find connections with individuals who feel the same way or that actually can give me advice that will actually have meaning to what my husband and I are going through and to help us work together as a team!
I feel like I am walking in the dark but I guess I have to start somewhere! I am a wife of an alcoholic who has been in detox for 3 days now. I love my husband, I love our crazy family and I am proud of all the things we have accomplished before alcoholism snuck into our life’s! Everyone’s journey is different and I believe everyone’s life has a purpose. Alcoholism has been the biggest battle I ever had to face as it has destroyed many who I had been very close to and I didn’t want it to be true when it came to my husband and I feel I let him down because I should have seen the signs sooner! So here I am trying to find connections with individuals who feel the same way or that actually can give me advice that will actually have meaning to what my husband and I are going through and to help us work together as a team!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,494
Hi Crystaa, Welcome, and I'm sorry for your situation. I hope that your husband decides to stop drink and seek help for his alcoholism. Unless he does that, there is little you can do to help him.
However, you can find support for yourself at AlAnon in your city. As well, we have a forum here for Friends & Families:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
However, you can find support for yourself at AlAnon in your city. As well, we have a forum here for Friends & Families:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi and welcome Crystaa 
Its absolutely not your fault. Nothing any of my loved ones did made y drinkign worse, and nothing they could do would stop me until I was ready to stop
We addicts need to take responsibility for our own recovery - thats the only way this staying sober thing works.
Have you heard of AlAnon? Its a fellowship that offers support and a program of recovery for the families and friends of alcoholics/addicts. It might be worth checking out for yourself?
Like Anna said we also have Family and Friends forums here you might also like to look about in.
I hope your husband decides to work on his recovery - best wishes to you both
D
Its absolutely not your fault. Nothing any of my loved ones did made y drinkign worse, and nothing they could do would stop me until I was ready to stop
We addicts need to take responsibility for our own recovery - thats the only way this staying sober thing works.
Have you heard of AlAnon? Its a fellowship that offers support and a program of recovery for the families and friends of alcoholics/addicts. It might be worth checking out for yourself?
Like Anna said we also have Family and Friends forums here you might also like to look about in.
I hope your husband decides to work on his recovery - best wishes to you both
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hello and welcome. I hope you find the answers you're looking for here.
I can't help much as I was the drunk one in the relationships, and I ruined quite a few.
I truly hope your husband decides to get sober for good. He's got a lot of support from you and I think that will help immensely.
But you didn't cause his alcoholism and you, unfortunately, can't stop it.
Best to you both.
I can't help much as I was the drunk one in the relationships, and I ruined quite a few.
I truly hope your husband decides to get sober for good. He's got a lot of support from you and I think that will help immensely.
But you didn't cause his alcoholism and you, unfortunately, can't stop it.
Best to you both.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,628
I think it's nice that you would like to stick by your Husband and help him out, just be careful that you don't sacrifice yourself in the doing?
You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it (the 3 c's).
Unless you are an addiction specialist, this is maybe out of your area of expertise! I wouldn't feel guilty about this for one more moment if I were you, you are not your Husband's keeper.
There is a book that is often recommended here, Codependent no More by Melody Beattie. I'm not saying you are codependent or not but there is a lot of good information in there about boundaries and relationships etc
I do wish you good luck, both of you.
You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it (the 3 c's).
I feel I let him down because I should have seen the signs sooner
There is a book that is often recommended here, Codependent no More by Melody Beattie. I'm not saying you are codependent or not but there is a lot of good information in there about boundaries and relationships etc
I do wish you good luck, both of you.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
Welcome to the family. 
You are not responsible for your husband's choices/behavior. I hope you can find support for yourself, both in real life in your area, and here on the friends and family forums.
You are not responsible for your husband's choices/behavior. I hope you can find support for yourself, both in real life in your area, and here on the friends and family forums. Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 1
Same Here Girl!
My husband just entered rehab too, and just got out of the detox phase. I really dont know what to do either... But I have been researching and I am going to an Al-Anon meeting Friday. Let me know if you would like to chat, I cant send personal messages yet but I'm here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by JennaJeepers 
My husband just entered rehab too, and just got out of the detox phase. I really dont know what to do either... But I have been researching and I am going to an Al-Anon meeting Friday. Let me know if you would like to chat, I cant send personal messages yet but I'm here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by least
Welcome to the family. You are not responsible for your husband's choices/behavior. I hope you can find support for yourself, both in real life in your area, and here on the friends and family forums.
You are not responsible for your husband's choices/behavior. I hope you can find support for yourself, both in real life in your area, and here on the friends and family forums.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
