Elliemae219

AS relapsed again. The only time we receive a phone call is when this happens because once again life is in a turmoil. Received a promotion at his work and then relapsed a few weeks later due to women issues... Same old thing always - Never follows recommendations to stay out of a relationship for a year, never goes to AA meetings, etc. In and out of treatment both inpatient and outpatient for the past 10 months and still won't follow what he is taught. Has a sponsor but only reaches out when relapses and never meets with him. So, we were good enough for a call to let us know his life is **** again. Had to miss work and will be short on rent. Still has job though
Talked to me via phone after doctor visit and that was the last time now back to texting... husband called 2x's and has left messages and no return calls. Seriously only calls when his relapse causes issues. Otherwise will just drink but when his luck runs out and he crashes, we get the call.
Gave me attitude through a text because I made a mistake on something for him so I gave it right back... haven't heard from him since. Possibly could be back to drinking -silence usually means back to booze.
Just tired of how we are only good enough when his life is **** and he wants us to help him with something. We stopped enabling these last 8 months and now here we are again being asked to help with the rent.
Complains of all his bills and how no one helps- we tell him those were the result of his drinking and then we get "I don't need you to remind me I am trash, I know it."
Ask why he drinks, "to escape reality, because my life sucks and I have nothing but debt"
Never asks about his grandparents. Honestly, don't know if I should tell him about his grandfathers health issues. I feel I should just come out and say it but don't want to through a text.
Anyone else deal with adult children and alcohol- advice

AnvilheadII

he can call, text, send a letter. you are not obligated to bail him out. or even listen to his tale of woe. nor his attempt to blame you for his life circumstances.

he doesn't "get" it. he may never get it. it's very sad, and very hard for parents, regardless of how old the "child" gets. but he is not a child today. he is a full grown adult. and he can live exactly as he deems fit. we all get that right.

you have done a great job of no longer enabling. stay strong. now that you know his motives for the latest contact, you no longer have to engage.

as far as his grandparents? don't bother. or do. but don't think for a moment it will CHANGE anything.

Mango212

It all sounds very typical of advanced alcoholism. There is hope. People do recover, get healthy, fill their lives with good and help others who go through similar things. Knowing many alcoholics in real recovery is a cool thing. Some never make it, and some take a long, very bumpy route.

Same for us, the friends and family members who also become "unwell" from this disease. As we choose our own recovery, life is bound to have very good changes.

Al-Anon and Celebrate Recovery provide programs of recovery. https://www.al-anon.org/

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. You're not alone. I'm glad you're here.

seekingcalm

Thank you for posting, I am sorry for what brings you, but this is a wonderful place, and I am glad you have found us.
There is a great post on another one of the forums for families here titled, "The Battle Isn't Yours to Fight". I have found great strength and hope in reading it, and I actually read it quite often.

My adult son is still very high functioning when it comes to his career. He and I are no longer in touch, and I expect that I will not hear from him until he has found recovery from alcoholism. He is still in denial, and so far I am the only family member that I know of who has even suggested that his behavior is a problem, and therefore I had to be removed from his life.
I believe with all my heart that the only way my son will get well is completely on his own, and that any consequences that he may suffer will only serve to get him there sooner. I will not help him in his life while he is an active alcoholic. I just won't. If he ever needs my help while in a program of recovery for any reason, I will be there for him.

In the meantime, I do a lot of reading, I post and read here, and I have just begun to attend Al-Anon meetings, which are a great source of peace and friendship in my life. Everyone there speaks the same language...everything that makes sense in dealing with an alcoholic child is so counter-intuitive to every natural parental instinct I ever had before, it was almost impossible to get my head around. But I have.
I have to be happy no matter what he does, that is my first priority. I love my son more than I can say, and my heart hurts even typing this, but I believe with all that I am, that he stands a better chance of getting well if things begin to fall apart in his life, so I am getting out of the way right now.