Nara

Milano58

Jesus.. They're not your mates if they don't support you when your world fell apart. Reach out, god dammit do not isolate yourself right now. Now is the time for hugs, cuddles and that loving look from a friend who's so relieved you got away from that pissant. You'll find out very soon who is actually a friend. But you may find some mates drift away. Sometimes it's too close to the bone. Sometimes they're not ready to deal with your issues cos they're still denying theirs.

I've got closer to strangers and lost some of my dearest. You change when you say no more to something. You start to expect better. You'll find new friendships now perfectly aligned with you getting better.

And you have us. And we've all been through it. You're not alone my love. You'll get through this.

{Virtual hugs, hot chocolate, cookies, ice cream, spa, massage, manicure, walk in the forest, laughing so hard you wet yourself.**

ironwill

Nara,

You need to contact your friends, Just be honest with them and don't worry that you think your using them for support. I have a friend I hadn't called in years and was also nervous to him for help. But when I did reach out to him and told him the issues I was going through he didn't blink an eye and wanted to help me even if it was just to listen to me vent. You will feel a lot better just talking with someone. If you ever need someone to talk to you can always come here. We are here for you. Be strong.

FarmhouseGal

righttheship

I'm in the same boat (or ship!), and haven't been able to share what's been going on with any of my friends. I'm just embarrassed, I guess. But it was liberating finally telling my family. It was like a weight came off. And it was really lovely to see them step up, roll up their sleeves, and help however I needed it. Of course my family did that; that's what people who love and respect each other do. And that's the thing--living with my AH, I became conditioned not to expect support, not to get support, basically I didn't count at all. I didn't realize how much I missed and needed real emotional support. And it's been great to have that in my life again. But it wouldn't have come unless I had sucked up my pride and been honest about what was going on. Now, if I could only do that with my friends! Baby steps, I guess. Maybe pick one person you trust, and start there? You will feel a little bit better, I promise. And you deserve that!

Dazedandconfus

Thlayli

I was just telling my mother about this. I'm still reeling a bit from AH leaving but I'm realizing how much I wasn't living my life because of him. I've been lucky because my friends still invite me places - but I would do what you did and just not go to support my non-drinking husband or just go briefly and come home so I could be with him. I've started accepting invitations and sometimes asking people what they're doing and if I can pile on. I've never been shy about what's going on with anyone in my social circles and have found that people are very open and want to be there for support.

And like Milano said...if they don't, they're not your mates. Which reminds me of a funny bit from The Full Monty which I'm pasting here b/c it makes me laugh. It's a great movie if you need a bit of distraction.
Dave : [discussing possible means of suicide] I know. You could stand in middle of road and have a mate run smack into you right fast.

Lomper : Haven't got any mates...

Gary 'Gaz' Schofield : Listen to you, we just saved your ******* life so don't tell us we're not your mates, all right?

Lomper : Really?

Gary 'Gaz' Schofield : Yeah.

Lomper : Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Dave : Yeah, me and all, I'd run ya down as soon as look at ya.

Lomper : Oh aye? Cheers.

Now go call your friends/mates and keep us posted

trailmix

It can be hard to come out of that isolation. Start with your safest connections, your family then work your way out as you start feeling more comfortable.

People are much kinder than you imagine (not all, but most). The fact that they are your friends means that they like you and most of all that you like them - so they must be good people right?

Reverse the situation, what if one of your girlfriends was in a messy relationship and kind of dropped out of all social things for a couple of years and then called you out of the blue today. Would you stop and listen to her and welcome her back in to the world or would you hold some resentment?

Personally I would be happy to hear from the person and know they had their freedom from the isolation. No need to spill all the beans in the first phone call - maybe a simple, that relationship was much worse than I talked about - would suffice. Then when you meet up for dinner or whatever you can have a discussion.

So, perhaps don't think so negatively about your friends and family, they care about you.

Healingbegins

I did the exact same thing. I put my long time friends off, made a ton of excuses to not do things with them. Eventually they quit asking me. As soon as I moved, I apologized to them for shutting them out. Each and every one understood. Just let them know you need them.

Healingbegins

And, in a month, with my gained confidence, I have actually made a couple of new friends. You would be surprised how many people want to connect with you. Just have to open up.