MJP73

Hello all. I have been brousing the forum for a while now and decided it was a good place to help with getting sober. I am a 42 year old husband to an absolutely amazing women and father to two boys and two girls who are great kids. I am lucky enough to have a great job as well. None of this is going to matter if i stay the path i am on. I dont drink before work but two miles down the road the little store owner knows me well. I have started drinking an hour or so after getting up over the last year on my days off. I have learned to hide all of this very well. I can sometimes go through a case of beer pretty easily. I am not sure how i ended up here but i am very ashamed of myself for letting myself get so out of control. I finally broke down last night, literally, and told my wife i cant do this anymore. She is willing to be by my side through this thank god. Im cramping up a lot and my stomach is rolling constantly. It is time. Sorry for being so long winded but thanks for listening. Today is day one.

CRRHCC

If I understand you correctly, you drink on your days off but not when you have to work. This is exactly what I used to do. During the week I would allow the stress of life to build up, knowing that on the weekend I would get wasted. I escaped my helpless, trapped, feelings by getting drunk on my days off. What I was actually doing was regaining control of my feelings, empowering myself, escaping the trap of life's stressful circumstances, by choosing to get drunk on the weekends.

I've learned that all addictions are caused/driven by one underlying emotion: intolerable, overwhelming, helplessness (When one feels helpless, they feel trapped, powerless and out of control). Alcoholics, have learned to regain control of their emotions with a quick fix or mood changer of alcohol. Non alcoholics empower themselves and regain control of their emotions by facing them directly or replacing them with some other high value behavior. Once I understood the psychology of addiction, it became much easier to master my behavior, rather than become a slave. "No man is free until they master themselves." Epictetus

Anna

Welcome! I'm glad that you are ready to stop drinking and it's good that your wife is supportive.

It's always a good idea to have a plan in place to help you stop drinking and to remain sober. For example, you said you drink on your days off, so it might be helpful to come up with idea for things to do on your days off that don't involve drinking.

I'm glad you found us.

Ghostlight1

Hello and welcome. I'm glad you decided to post.
Congratulations on day one. We gotta start some day, right? And today's a good day.
It's great that your wife is supportive, that should be a big help.
Best to you.

pscirish

Welcome and congratulations on a deep realization. If I may make a suggestion, please seek out a local AA meeting and ask someone to take you through the steps. They are ancient, sacred teachings that when taken thoroughly, will rocket you into a dimension of existence perhaps you are not familiar. The dimension of happy, joyous, and free.

Lucinda2

Welcome. That was a brave and honest post MJ.

Stay close.

DreamCatcher17

Welcome and congrats to the best decision of your life

ColoradoRocky

That's a good first step, maybe critical.

It sounds to me like you've crossed the line of no return where you can't control your drinking except to not drink at all.

But it doesn't matter what I think. Do you, yourself, deep down, believe that you are at the point where you can't drink at all anymore?

If you believe that, I suggest you start immediately with AA. Start there. It may or may not be for you, but start there. Just get a start.


I'll give you the life-saving advice my dad gave me exactly thirty years, two weeks, and one day ago: Get to an AA meeting now. Go with an open mind. Ask for help.

I never looked back, and I certainly wish you nothing but the best.

MJP73

Thank you all for the support and encouragement. I had my wife take the beer, that just bought mind you, and a unopened bottle of bourbon out of fridge in the man cave last night after our discussion. She took it with her this morning when she left for work. I have been doing good for the most part today. Little edgy this morning but ok. Watching movies and drinking lots of water. Im just tired of feeling like garbage both inside and out. I have missed out on way to much of my family because of that poison. Time to make that up. Wife and i are going to discuss counceling options tonight and i have been looking at AA meeting locations near our area. Probably go next town over for embarrasement sake. Our family is pretty know in our small town. I know that probably shouldn't matter. Thanks again for the help. I'll probably lean pretty heavily on this site for support.

MJP73

Thanks CRRHC. Oh, i would drink. Just after work, matter of fact it would be on the way home. Really not proud of my actions there. But it would not be like the weekends. 6-10 beers after work. Sometimes more or less. I recently changed positions in the company so my schedule is drastically changing. Straight 8 hour days to 12 hour days on a rotating shift. This will help i think. A new start either way. I started the same thread in the "newcomers" forum so not sure i should have two going or if they can move it. Thanks again.

MJP73

I also plan on starting a walking routine again. I was a decent college athlete so lets see if i can wake him up again. It's a shame to see how far i have fallen.

abgator

I stopped caring about anyone knowing that I'm alcoholic. Hiding it is what helped prolong it for the time I did. I don't advertise it, but I have no problem admitting it and don't care who knows. I feel better for it.

johntrevy

You have come to the right place if you want help with talking back control of your life. Are you attending any meetings? Have you seen a doctor for further advice?

Hevyn

Welcome MJP! Be proud of yourself for coming to this realization and taking charge of your life. Walking is a good distraction - staying busy is key in the early days. Congratulations on your Day 1 - you can get free.

MJP73

Iam looking into meeting locations in my area. Iam going to schedule time with an addiction counselor as well.

MJP73

Thanks abgator and Hevyn. I am going to start some projects i could never do cuz there was too much beer to drink. I just chilled out today and might do some running around tomorrow. Just hope some of the anxiety subsides. My wife and i were at the dinner table when she noticed my hands shaking a little bit. Told her it was part of the deal when i chose to quit. It will subside as well.

zjw

Good job on day 1 and reaching out for help. I white knuckled it the first year and should not have. At least pop into aa or something and check out this site.

leanabeana

Congrats on taking the first step MJ. Your pattern sounds like my partner before he got sober. Definitely seek help from a doctor and meetings because we can't do this alone.

MJP73

Thanks zjw and leanabeana. I have been viewing this site for the last couple of years. Finally built up enough confidence to actually post. I've had an account for a while now. Just never used it. Thanks again.

Dee74

Hi MJP

I merged your two identical threads. Less confusing that way
Welcome aboard

D