lessgravity

This just might be the most rewarding, meaningful and motivating aspect of my sobriety. I'm out early this morning at a sporting event for my son. I have all the patience and space and energy for him and for myself that I can ask for. I can't imagine being able to do what I'm doing today being the drunk parent I was for so many years. The truth is that I just wasn't. I wasn't the parent that I am now. It was an impossibility for me to drag my nauseous, shame filled and shaking hungover self out of bed on a weekend morning and do something positive for my kid. Although I can make myself feel sad for the years I lost in that selfish haze, I'm focused on what I can do with the life that I have now. Now that I can be a truly responsible parent and now that I am, I'm just so so so grateful.

Those of us who have children are, in some ways, are lucky in terms of sobriety. Although the pain that we cause our children when we continue to choose alcohol over them is immeasurable and can lead to great regret, our children can also be the North Star in our quest to get sober. Happy weekend everybody.

Mummyto2

August252015

So true, less. I'm a step-parent and came in relatively "late" in the game when the kids were 14 and 18, and our younger (my step daughter) lived with us for a year. That NY Day when she texted from her friend's house to see if her dad or I could come get her is a memory I cherish - she knew we'd be awake, and sober, and we had gone to bed knowing we'd be ready for her even at 6am

Definitely a blessing, and my husband treasures being sober for her whole high school experience.

BackandScared

Nice post lessgravity.

I was a good mother, even drinking. It must be the only think I am 100 per cent sure I have been good at. Drinking was removing the sheer enjoyment of sharing time with my kids, even if that time was a good time. I would spend time with them, play with them, go to the movies, train for races they wanted to compete at, drive them everywhere, cook with them, share hot chocolates after getting drenched playing football. All that, with a hungover first and thinking about how many hours left to wine time, after.

Once the day ended it was all about drinking as fast as possible. And of course, I was not a safe pair of hands from that moment. Every night, for years, my children have slept in a house with a parent who was incompetent to make any decision or look after them if things went wrong.

I am too engrossed in my newly acquired sobriety to be completely present for them yet. But I am a total reliable pair of hands.

abgator

Excellent post. I know we're supposed to forgive and love ourselves before we can fully heal, but I'm blatantly honest with myself and therapist that I would not be sober right now if it wasn't for my daughter. I simply don't like myself enough to really are what happens to me. Only what I can do for my daughter, which is to be a good dad.

Atlast9999

NessunDorma

The truth is I gave up drink because I would otherwise have lost my wife and children who were toddlers back then. The gift of desperation although of course it does not feel like a gift at the time.

As everyone, we had struggles as parents, especially with the childrens' health, but bringing up the kids with my wife has been the best and most meaningful thing in my life. It just couldn't have happened if I was still drinking,

My parents gave me alcohol every day from the age of 12, "teaching me to drink" in a way liberal parents did in the 70s, A huge mistake. My wife and I did not bang on about drink but did act as role models for sobriety and healthy living with our children.

Now they are grown up and have left home, but we all get on great. We are very proud of them both, I did a sports thing just yesterday with my daughter. She is very happy and successful and has never drunk alcohol in her life.

shortstop81

Thank you for this post. I have lots of shame and guilt that I process as a parent. Thankfully my son is still relatively young, so I have many more years to be a fully responsible and present parent for him.

MyLittleHorsie

Great post!

My kids are a huge reason I got sober and I cherish every second with them.

You mention sports, we travel obviously a lot for sporting events, the horses I could always find something else to do, but hockey and dance, the drinking culture is prevalent, whether dinners out or back at the hotels. Last year we found out there had been bed bugs at the one hotel we were all booked into, that sent us moms looking elsewhere. We ended up in a great bnb and got to enjoy the city on our off time, getting together for a meal. So this year, I decided we're only staying once with the team, that one is a resort, the rest Airbnb. Other families are doing the same, less money and more autonomy.

DreamCatcher17

I am so glad my child will never have to know the "drunk mom" I used to be. I quit 2 months after he turned 2.
Such a blessing for him that I was able to stop the cycle. Now I pray he doesn't go down the same path

Anna

I agree completely, LG.

abgator

Same. My daughter is 8. I think she's only seen me truly in a bad way a few times, I was almost to stay sober or mostly sober when I had her. But she still knew there was something "off" and that I wasn't as active or I tended to be "sick" if one of those bottles was on the counter. She knows I had some kind of problem or "health issue" that would cause me to miss time with her sometimes. She knows I was in rehab for a week. But she's still young enough that the impact of that doesn't fully sink in or what it truly means. She knows just enough that when I take her to the gym's day care because I "need" to get in my cardio, that I need to do it to "stay healthy". And not because of weight. Otherwise I wouldn't leave her in the daycare.

I'm thankful I'm working this out before she gets any older.

Delilah1

I think about this often. I still was there for my kids while I was drinking, but I know there were times I wasn’t as present as I should have been. I love every minute of my time with my kids now. I feel very grateful for my sobriety.

Glad you had such a great time with your son!

Hevyn

Wonderful to read of your happiness & optimism, lessgravity. So happy you made it.

ClearPath64

I have also regained the ability to provide guidance and discipline to my kids. When I was drinking, I felt like a complete fraud. Who am I to tell anyone else how to conduct their lives, even my kids, when I am living a life that I despise, and am trying to hide from them?

Thanks less, as always.