Finalcall

I need to start tomorrow afresh.
lesson learnt. Nothing too bad just more solid evidence how quickly **** falls downhill.
I was proud of everyday of hard work I put to get to a place I forgot existed. If I was to draw my thoughts regarding alcohol right it would be right out of a movie where someone is slipping down an icy cliff and swings the ice pick in.
It will be a bit of hard work to climb back up that edge but better than flat out down there.
Life was getting better.
I have to stop again.

Dee74

what are you going to change finalcall?

D

Finalcall

I don't know.
First push through a few sober days.
Then not pretend to myself that a few beers one day will not mean ending up tightrope walking sobriety. Followed by a few more each day.
I don't want be where I am seeing how quickly this will go to that without all of my commitment to abstain.

Dee74

'I don't know' is the usual answer and 'just getting through the first few days' features pretty heavily too

The reason why I bang on about plans so much is without one, you're leaving a lot up to chance - and that element of chance can sometimes mean the other side wins and we drink

think about a recovery action plan - and my advice is to start thinking today - it might seem a lot, but it's really not that much of an ask

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)

Mummyto2

Finalcall

Ill print it off tomorrow it is easier to read then add to my journal structure. Which I haven't added too for some time.

Finalcall

I really can't afford to fall from here. It fkin hurts to think all of my effort can be undone in a few days. I can't let it.

Zucc36

Yeah coming up with a plan helps, even if it may take you out of your comfort zone for a bit. Good luck and glad you made it back.

doggonecarl

I think the lesson I got from my relapses was whatever I was doing wasn't working. And if I kept repeating the lesson, then I wasn't learning anything.

August252015

What Dee said.

I am sorry you chose to drink. I use that verb for the same reason I always do - there is no such thing as a "slip"...and metaphors galore never got me sober.

Acceptance, then action.

We don't get infinite chances. Glad you get another and hope you make it a permanent life of sobriety.

biminiblue

I agree with August. There are no slips, there was a whole string of things you told yourself right before you drank to make it okay.

Dissect it. Journal every thought you had in the two hours before you drank. Whatever you told yourself needs to be changed.

There is nothing, no one, no situation, party, friend, family squabble, event, broken car, disaster, trauma or problem that can make me drink. I no longer celebrate nor drown my sorrows with alcohol.

I made the decision to not put alcohol in my own mouth, no matter what.

Every single action and thought I entertain now has to back that up.

Anna

I agree with figuring out what thought process started the relapse. And, I agree with the advice to change some things and/or add some things. I know from experience that, when you start over without some concrete change, things tend to end up the same. So, be kind to yourself, but make the change you need.

AnvilheadII

It fkin hurts to think all of my effort can be undone in a few days.

we are all exactly ONE bad decision away from taking the dive.
thus a good strong program that is built to defend against that bad decision is imperative.

in AA it's called maintaining a fit spiritual condition.
one could say we need to maintain a fit SOBER condition. stay in contact with our choice for sobriety, feed it, empower it, protect it. set ourselves up to be successfully sober every day.

NerfThis

I agree with comments above. I don't believe in things like 'Messing up' 'Slipping' etc. Drinking is a choice and whenever I went overboard with alcohol consumption, it was always by choice.

The fact you mentioned pretending to yourself about a few beers being ok means you probably still glamorize the idea of drinking. That was one thing I had to stop when I was going through my moderation attempts early last year.

fini

wondering what the lesson is and how it was different from previous ones?
i ask because i'm interested in what you think you needed to learn you hadn't known before.

Finalcall

I thought one day of drinking was a possible break and reward for a few things that have gone well for me as of late.
the lesson is I cannot let the kind of thoughts have value anymore. Given half a chance they take over.

Lucinda2

That is interesting, Finalcall. I too notice that it is when things have gone well or when I have just overcome a big hurdle that the AV is at its loudest. So now I am prepared for that and it doesn't catch me unawares so much. It sounds like you will be prepared for that going forward too.

lessgravity

I don't mean this harshly, but I hope you believe this thought was completely irrational in the face of all that alcohol has put you through. I went back and read your posts from this time last year, I suggest you do the same. Revisiting where I came from was very helpful for me in getting sober.

Your posts last year effected me and I related to much of what you said. I hope that you can find the strength to realize you have to quit for good now.

fini

uh ja, reward for and break from things going well.
makes no sense in soberland, but i sure did the same when looking for stellar reasons to drink

it’s great to see you airing out this kind of thinking.

Purpleman

Yes I agree. I never had a "slip", or a "blip", or hit a "speed bump".....I made a conscious, deliberate decision to drink.