Juliebb

I have not posted for a long time but would like to hear from all those like me I.e.sober for 2 years? How do you feel? I have no desire to drink at all but have developed a preoccupation of worrying about people's health. Really weird. I lost my Mum to pancreatic cancer last year which probably has got something to do with it. I worry incessantly about everybody's health now especially my daughter who is only 25 and my husband.

Dee74

Congratulations on 2 years Julie
I'm sorry for the loss of your mum - I'm not a therapist but maybe that's the catalyst here rather than a recovery issue?

Have you thought about talking about it with a professional?

D

Juliebb

I have shared ad nauseam with my AA group. I worry about them too. I keep worrying about people having things that they don't yet know they've got. It's quite irrational really and I know that. Maddening actually because life is pretty wonderful otherwise.

Dee74

grief and loss is one of those life changing events.

Friends and lay people are good - but sometimes speaking with a professional counsellor or therapist can help.

Just a suggestion.
Hope you make your way through however you do it, Julie

D

Juliebb

Thanks. I think you have given wise advice. I will look into it.

Anna

Congratulations on 2 years of recovery.

I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. It sounds as if you are having trouble coming to terms with the loss. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross has written two excellent books on the subject "On Death and Dying" and "On Grief and Grieving". Maybe these could be helpful to you.

least

Two years sober is great! I was already seeing a counselor when my mom died, five years ago, and it was good to be able to open up to her about how I was dealing with mom's death.

I hope you can find a way of dealing with your worries.

Mummyto2

Juliebb

Thanks Everyone who took time to post. I will take your advice and hopefully be able to move on. I feel guilty too you see as I didn't believe Mum was ill for ages. She became something of a hypochondriac at about 60 and it ended up being a case of cry wolf. Anyway, I miss her terribly but I am still sober. She was so proud when I got to one year. Thanks again and good luck to you all.

PhoenixJ

Congrats, 2y is great. At that stage- my emotions truly started to 'wake up'.

Juliebb

Do you know I think you are right? It is quite recently really that I have been experiencing a lot of emotions about lots of things. AA - which I have attended twice a week since leaving rehab 2 years ago - would probably view me as a dry drunk. I have not done the 'steps'. I don't want or crave alcohol but I do not seem to have attained the spiritual peace with myself that many AA people seem to have. All I seem to think/worry about is other people's health. Not my own at all. I am so grateful to be sober so why am I not happy?

Meatball2

Dont pull a meatball. Get drunk, visit your favorite neighbor, and make them hate you.

Juliebb

Sounds like you are drunk. I feel so sorry for you.

Juliebb

Actually, I am not going to post anymore. I got some good advice but that last 'message' from 'meatball' was horrible. Thank you to everyone else though - I am not inclined to drink. I have worked too hard on this. I just need to pay more attention to my emotions now.

boreas

Julie,
I believe Meatball was referring to an incident which happened to him when he drank again after a stretch of sobriety. The way it is phrased is easy to misinterpret, but I think he meant to say, “Don’t do what I did”.

I agree with Phoenix in the sense that, a bit over 2 years in, I continue to process emotional responses and develop new and improved ways to cope. Incessant worry as you describe must be exhausting, and your “dry drunk” comments may have merit. I’m not an AA’er, but I am a firm believer that I could not just be “bora minus booze”. Drinking was a coping mechanism for life, good and bad, for so long that it was mandatory that I find other ways to deal with things.

Pancreatic cancer is awful. I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. Please do continue to post if you feel it will benefit you. I am also an infrequent poster but gain a bunch from the fellowship here.
-best wishes,
bora

Juliebb

Reread the message from Meatball. Yes, different meaning now since your post Bora so I really apologise for being so stupid. Talk about being super-sensitive!!!! Anyway, I do realise I am somewhat emotional at present but I honestly understand and at last accept that alcohol will not help. I always used it for everything...good, bad, happy, sad, you name it. I think I am grieving for Mum who I miss terribly. I am going to seek some professional help as AA meetings etc are not enough right now. My family are so wonderfully supportive but none are alcoholics. Nobody understands a drunk like another drunk but getting past the grief over Mum is probably more than just staying off the booze. Anyway, thanks for even bothering to post to me. I really appreciate it.

PhoenixJ

Julie- AA is for support with booze, not to get advice from well meaning people about non booze stuff. While there are very cluey people in meetings, there are also some walking disasters when it comes to handing out free advice on life. Good to see you posting again, and I get it about the message too. So maybe we are all over sensitive. Bound to happen when suppressed emotions find their way to the surface. I get teary at happy families in supermarket ads.

Juliebb

And you are right Bora. Pancreatic Cancer truly is a horrible death. It was absolutely awful for Mum. At the end I wanted her to die to put an end to her suffering. Feel bloody guilty about that too.

boreas

Julie,
My MIL also died of pancreatic cancer. It was terrible for my ex and his siblings. I think Phoenix is spot on (again!). Drinking is such a monumental problem in our lives we tend to think that if we just kick that, everything else will get better. And everything does get better, but that’s not to say that life doesn’t throw us curveballs where we need additional support just like the non-drinkers among us. Your plan for professional help sounds like a good one.

I hate it that you feels so much guilt associated with your mom’s passing. Mother/daughter relationships can be very difficult with lots of baggage and history. I think it is very natural to regret all of the things we don’t have the chance to say or make right, but I try to remember that relationships are built over a lifetime, and love is communicated over that time even if the final months and moments were not quite what we would have wished.

Congrats on two years! Every day of sobriety makes you stronger, more ready, and more capable of dealing with this pain and coming out the other side a better person. Don’t lose site of that accomplishment.
-bora

boreas

To me, this is true love. I’ve been in this spot, and the willingness to let someone go is a gift you give them. Nothing to feel guilty about, IMO.
-bora