Erza

It's been 7 days and hasn't gotten any easier. He is still saying he doesn't love me anymore. That he was unhappy with me. That he is 27 and has the rest of his life. And that he is happy without me.

All of this hurts. He is so cold. No emotions in his words. I am left in our apartment with our 20 month old trying to keep myself together. I have no strength for the days. I am an emotional state.

I will be moving to my moms. I need to.

He is with my daughter today while I am at my moms. Doesn't want to be near me. Just like something's switched in his head one morning when he work up after a night out. I really thought he would want go come back by now. Now I am left with thoughts that maybe it was me. Maybe he was genuinely unhappy with me. Maybe I made him miserable?

He also wants to go through with the divorce as he says we will never get back together. I think it makes me mad because I wasn't the one to walk away. He was! How can he be so miserable after everything he has done to me?
I can't seem to cope...

AnvilheadII

no one can MAKE another miserable. if he is miserable, it's due to his own choices, his own lifestyle. he's got a drinking problem and that is a miserable place to be.

in AA they call it the Easier, Softer Way. easier to bail on the marriage and being a grown up and keep partying like a rock star. he went thru three jobs in short order for the same reason. he is unable or unwilling to commit to anything or anyone.

it's never been GOOD for you guys........has it? hasn't it always been one dang thing or another with HIM? has he ever suited up and showed up and acted like an ADULT? nope it's all lies and excuses.

you are better off without the dead weight dragging you down.

Mango212

He has no wise counsel around him. No support. Only the lies of his drinking buddies who tell him to leave me.

I ask for prayers, please.




Hang in there. You can be the sober, sane parent in recovery. We have this choice. It's okay to have focus on the life we can create for child (children) and self.

What support do you currently have in-person for recovering from this family disease of alcoholism? It's a long journey, not a short sprint. There are many new skills and tools we gain along the way.

Prayers are with you and your daughter.

trailmix

Hi Erza, it's a really painful time for you, I know and it's not going to be easy but you will get through this and it will get better. You will not always feel this low and confused and sad.

What you wrote above. Yes, you probably carried the load of the family, you put up with his bad treatment and drinking and abusive ways and now he is saying he was miserable. Well, one really has nothing to do with the other. Your view of a happy, content home life may not be his and it makes him miserable.

In your view (you know him) what does he want? You mentioned he struggled with trying to quit and was not successful. So, you know, he gave up. He just gave up.

Alcoholism is a beast and right now your AH wants to drink, more than anything. It doesn't make much sense to people who are not alcoholics, but it's true.

What are you doing to take care of yourself? I hope your family is supportive?

suki44883

Your pride has been hurt, Erza. You can't believe he left you instead of you leaving him. I know that hurts because it has happened to me. But, you really don't have time to worry about that. You have a toddler to worry about.

Get the divorce and child support started. Moving to your Mom's is a good idea. You will probably have to get a job before long. These are practical things you need to be thinking about.

dandylion

ERZA...….you are in what I like to call the "active bleed" part of grieving over the relationship. The pain can be so bad that it is hard to believe....
You must feel sooo rejected....and, with so many emotions....anger, fear, sadness.....so many thoughts and questions swirling in your head.....
Right now, in this stage...it is a victory for you if you can just manage to put one foot in front of the other...and, just get the necessities done....like--taking care of your daughter and getting your teeth brushed...lol...
You wanted soo much more out of the relationship and he ghosted you...that is a lot to adjust to....
It is a blessing, I think, if you can move to your mother's....at l east, until you can get on your feet....(which you will, in time)…..Just having one other person around, does help....
This has happened to so many other women....and, they were able, in time, to reverse their circumstances....and go on to a better and happier life....
You will, also.....

ERZA...it might help, some, right now, to go back and read over your threads and the responses that you have gotten....they have been written by those who have already walked in your shoes...one way or another....

Keep posting....