JennyK

My husband is an alcoholic and has been for a long time. He has tried to stop drinking many times and can not. He recently got stopped for DUI and is going to court in 2 weeks and will not be able to drive for 3 months. That alone totally sucks. After that incident he stopped for a week, then started again.

On top of that, he own his own business in which he needs to drive and will be going out of business soon. He is trying to sell it, but is having no luck.

We are also in grave debt...due to stupid decisions.

I have been on the research end of what to do for over a year. I know the good practices about detachment and Alanon (which I can not attend due to a variety of reasons)...but I do read online all the time. I feel that I am reacting in the appropriate way. I do not nag, argue, fight, guilt, blame or shame him. I do love him and praise him for the amazing person that I know he is inside. It took a great deal for me to get over the "But HOW will he know he screwed up if I do not tell him" hump...but I did it.

The amount of stress on my little family is so huge that I feel I can not breath and I can only imagine how my DH is feeling. I sob for him and for me every night.

I am being kind to him...as I do love him so much. With all of his faults and mistakes and addications...he has a good heart and is a loving person.

He attends couseling 2x a week and really WANTS to quit drinking. I have an appointment for conseling set up for next week.

What I really need is permission, from SOMEONE who has BTDT...as we have told NO ONE in real life about our situation...that is it OK to breath and to laugh and to play.

I feel consumed by the stress of what is happening to my husband and myself and to our family. I feel guilty if I don't think about it and obsess about it. Bankrupcy and forclosure are looming and there is no escape. We are smart and well educated people. I teach elementary school. We have 2 very young children and my husband is my best friend.

I can't breath tonight and I need some help.

Thank you

Jenny

JT

Hi and welcome!

You not only have permission to laugh...it is required! I learned to laugh again in recovery and it sounds like you are getting that. White knuckling life does not help one thing.

As terrible as the things you are going through are, you must believe that we are given what we need when we need it. What do we really NEED anyway??

Hugs and Happy Thanksgiving!
JT

brightlight

My husband and I had to do the bankrupcy thing and it does end. I have a friend that just did it and her husband makes good money, but they are always helping their kids. I wish now I had done what you have done and not blamed my husband for things, called names, yelled, and acted like an idiot. I have found that little things I do that are nice help. My kids want me happy and doing little things like make homemade pizza or cookies helps. Anything to take stress away. My husband at least quit going to the bar right now, but he is drinking at night. I think he is drinking 2 to 5 beers each night, but he is being good and I am not yelling, but I know he has a problem and he does too. I am not sure how he is going to stop. Keep trying

Rainy

Hi Jenny, sometimes it takes losing it all to wake up the addict and force him/her to reach out for help.

Today, I believe that your H is so grateful to have YOU in his life, you are a wonderful person!

Take care of you, keep the focus on you, learn to let go and let him truly own his actions (detachment).

Keep reading and posting and sharing your thoughts here, we do understand and we do care.

Take a moment each day to jot down a couple things you are grateful for--you'll be surprised how much you still have to smile about.

Happy Thanksgiving

((hugs))

JennyK

I truly am a very positive person with a firm belief that all will be OK in the end.

It was a stressful Thanksgiving, but I was able to find my blessings and say Thanks.

I am running my manta through my head endlessly...

"You can not rationalize with an irrational person"

"I did not cause this and I can't control it"

I visual taking all of the things in my life that I can not control and just letting them go...away in a balloon. Out of my life and worry.

I need to sit down and make a list of the things that I can control and what I cam going to do about it. One step at a time. As a whole package it is too overwhelming.

I will not be a stranger here. I think that I need you all.

Thank you,

Jenny

Magichappens

Hi Jenny,
It sounds like you are doing a lot of positive things in your life to be able to love your alcoholic. It just sounds like you need to vent, and share. You sound lonely. So this forum is a great place to get some of what you are needing right now. There is so much support here and very few here are judgemental. I hope that being here helps you to find some relief. I know that you have much to share here yourself. Hugs, Magic