Keep Failing
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 3
Keep Failing
I was 6 months sober on July 4th, which was the longest streak for me in nearly a decade. I had just gotten what I thought was a dream job, and I really thought my life was finally getting back on track. While I was at work on July 4th, my husband called me frantically. Cops showed up at our house and informed him that I had a warrant out for my arrest due to a probation violation stemming from a DUI conviction in 2016. The cops did not know the specifics of it but they urged him to get me to turn myself in. Long story short, I contacted an attorney who advised me to lay low until we could make a court appearance and resolve the warrant.
So what did I do? I left work and drove straight to the liquor store. My husband and I went to a hotel for the night on the advice of my attorney. I had to live in a hotel for 6 days until I could appear in court. I had to go to work and act like I wasn't mortally terrified that the cops would find out where I worked and arrest me. I was drinking heavily. Basically I was drinking like I had never stopped. I was driving to work DRUNK, in all my infinite stupidity. I felt so powerless and kept thinking "what's the point?." I got a DUI and thought everything had been resolved. I thought my life was going to be good, but I felt like I was being punished or like maybe this was some grand sign to be a drunk idiot again. I finally went to court, and we discovered that my community service hours had been logged incorrectly, and I had to pay $100. All of that for a clerical error (this warrant had been out for nearly 2 years and I was none the wiser!). We spent over $1500 in between lawyer fees and staying in a hotel. And once it ended, I kept drinking. By that point, I'd been on a bender for a week and I just did not want to quit.
I kept drinking at home. I kept drinking at work. I was putting vodka in my water bottle just to get through the days at work when I realized that maybe this dream job wasn't so dreamy after all. Here's the fun part: I was a bar manager. Yeah. I have been in the bar industry for years and I've been drunk almost the entire time. Those 6 months I stopped, I was not working at a bar - I was working at a restaurant with no alcohol. Being around alcohol in any form is a HUGE trigger for me, and I feel powerless to stop it. Would I have started drinking at my job had I not almost been arrested? I really don't know and I ask myself this all the time. I cannot stop asking myself "what would have been?" - maybe I wouldn't have been fired for being drunk at work. Maybe I would have stayed strong. But I did not stay strong and I got fired. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed over this.
Now, I am unemployed and have no prospects. I cannot pass a background check for many jobs due to my arrest. I am in my early 30s and I never finished college. Right now, my husband is the sole breadwinner. He is also a bartender, but working with alcohol is not a trigger for him. While he does struggle with drinking (he began drinking again when I did), he never feels the need to drink at his job. I feel like a failure. He does not really understand how paralyzed I feel because of all this. He does not understand fully how hard it is for me to work in bars. It just seems so hard to get myself out of bed in the morning and find anything to look forward to. I realize it's the alcohol that is making my depression even worse, but until today I've basically felt powerless against it.
Today I am reaching out for help because I know I cannot do this myself. I'm glad I've found this forum. Thank you for reading this.
So what did I do? I left work and drove straight to the liquor store. My husband and I went to a hotel for the night on the advice of my attorney. I had to live in a hotel for 6 days until I could appear in court. I had to go to work and act like I wasn't mortally terrified that the cops would find out where I worked and arrest me. I was drinking heavily. Basically I was drinking like I had never stopped. I was driving to work DRUNK, in all my infinite stupidity. I felt so powerless and kept thinking "what's the point?." I got a DUI and thought everything had been resolved. I thought my life was going to be good, but I felt like I was being punished or like maybe this was some grand sign to be a drunk idiot again. I finally went to court, and we discovered that my community service hours had been logged incorrectly, and I had to pay $100. All of that for a clerical error (this warrant had been out for nearly 2 years and I was none the wiser!). We spent over $1500 in between lawyer fees and staying in a hotel. And once it ended, I kept drinking. By that point, I'd been on a bender for a week and I just did not want to quit.
I kept drinking at home. I kept drinking at work. I was putting vodka in my water bottle just to get through the days at work when I realized that maybe this dream job wasn't so dreamy after all. Here's the fun part: I was a bar manager. Yeah. I have been in the bar industry for years and I've been drunk almost the entire time. Those 6 months I stopped, I was not working at a bar - I was working at a restaurant with no alcohol. Being around alcohol in any form is a HUGE trigger for me, and I feel powerless to stop it. Would I have started drinking at my job had I not almost been arrested? I really don't know and I ask myself this all the time. I cannot stop asking myself "what would have been?" - maybe I wouldn't have been fired for being drunk at work. Maybe I would have stayed strong. But I did not stay strong and I got fired. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed over this.
Now, I am unemployed and have no prospects. I cannot pass a background check for many jobs due to my arrest. I am in my early 30s and I never finished college. Right now, my husband is the sole breadwinner. He is also a bartender, but working with alcohol is not a trigger for him. While he does struggle with drinking (he began drinking again when I did), he never feels the need to drink at his job. I feel like a failure. He does not really understand how paralyzed I feel because of all this. He does not understand fully how hard it is for me to work in bars. It just seems so hard to get myself out of bed in the morning and find anything to look forward to. I realize it's the alcohol that is making my depression even worse, but until today I've basically felt powerless against it.
Today I am reaching out for help because I know I cannot do this myself. I'm glad I've found this forum. Thank you for reading this.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,354
Hi and welcome PJ 
I'm sorry for what brings you here but I think the best advice is 'when you're in a deep hole, stop digging'. Stopping drinking is our stopping digging.
You'll find a lot of support and understanding here - some good ideas too
Noone here is a failure
We just have a maladaptive way of dealing with problems that develops into a problem all its own.
When we remove that problem, and find better ways to deal with life, we can get back to being the people we really are
D
I'm sorry for what brings you here but I think the best advice is 'when you're in a deep hole, stop digging'. Stopping drinking is our stopping digging.
You'll find a lot of support and understanding here - some good ideas too
Noone here is a failure
We just have a maladaptive way of dealing with problems that develops into a problem all its own.
When we remove that problem, and find better ways to deal with life, we can get back to being the people we really are
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 188
Originally Posted by pj11 
Now, I am unemployed and have no prospects. I cannot pass a background check for many jobs due to my arrest.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
I can relate. I never worked in a bar, or the restaurant business, I may as well have because I made drinking in bars my business.
No kidding, I spent more time in bars in my twenties and thirties than most people spend at home. I am a alcoholic and that's what this alcoholic did.
So I can understand your situation a little. Hopefully August will see this. I believe she works in the restaurant biz.
You're not alone. I drank on the way to work. I drank at work. I drank after work. I drank every chance I got for over thirty years. How I never got a DUI is beyond me. I had caused three accidents drunk. I never had a car for very long, took away from my booze money. So that helped.
I finally reached out for help. too. I called AA. I went to meetings. It helped. I didn't quit right away, but a seed had been planted.-Here were all these people who drank like I did and they were sober. A seed had been planted. I came here more people who understood.
I couldn't do it myself and I tried for ten miserable years.
So welcome to this place. You'll find support here from people who understand. So I hope you stick around.
Best to you.
No kidding, I spent more time in bars in my twenties and thirties than most people spend at home. I am a alcoholic and that's what this alcoholic did.
So I can understand your situation a little. Hopefully August will see this. I believe she works in the restaurant biz.
You're not alone. I drank on the way to work. I drank at work. I drank after work. I drank every chance I got for over thirty years. How I never got a DUI is beyond me. I had caused three accidents drunk. I never had a car for very long, took away from my booze money. So that helped.
I finally reached out for help. too. I called AA. I went to meetings. It helped. I didn't quit right away, but a seed had been planted.-Here were all these people who drank like I did and they were sober. A seed had been planted. I came here more people who understood.
I couldn't do it myself and I tried for ten miserable years.
So welcome to this place. You'll find support here from people who understand. So I hope you stick around.
Best to you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 519
Thank you for your honesty in your post. I too, worked in the bev industry as a bar manager, and although I never drank at work, I kept my disease behind closed doors and quickly started to lose control at outside events with co-workers. That was the first and last job where that happened. I quit before I could be let go, and never turned back.
Start thinking outside the box on what you would like to do, but FIRST, get yourself sober. If your husband can work a little longer, cover you both, you would really benefit from hitting tons of AA meetings and joining the fantastic community of people there. Use this time to get good , or close.
Rooting for you!
Start thinking outside the box on what you would like to do, but FIRST, get yourself sober. If your husband can work a little longer, cover you both, you would really benefit from hitting tons of AA meetings and joining the fantastic community of people there. Use this time to get good , or close.
Rooting for you!
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
You've taken the first step, pj - welcome!
The good news is that you've had sobriety before, so you know you can do it. Have you stopped yet? If not, when will that be? If I were you, the first step would be to get rid of the alcohol in my home and ask my husband to refrain from bringing any more in.
Unfortunately, it's hard to convey what it's really like to people who don't have our problem. One of the major benefits to me of attending recovery group meetings is simply being in the company of people who totally get it. How did you accomplish your 6 months' sober before July 4?
O
The good news is that you've had sobriety before, so you know you can do it. Have you stopped yet? If not, when will that be? If I were you, the first step would be to get rid of the alcohol in my home and ask my husband to refrain from bringing any more in.
Unfortunately, it's hard to convey what it's really like to people who don't have our problem. One of the major benefits to me of attending recovery group meetings is simply being in the company of people who totally get it. How did you accomplish your 6 months' sober before July 4?
O
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: France
Posts: 3,040
Welcome i too felt like I couldn’t stop 11 days ago, but we can’t keep drinking and going around like a hamster wheel, you must choose now to get back to day 1, things feel terrible now BUT if you continue on this path things will quickly get much worse, when not drinking we can manage our lives a lot better and the day to day challenges we all face, really wishing you the best of luck, you can do this stay close and post here for help 👍
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 591
Hi PJ, I can relate. I have to hide my criminal past from work and now it’s caught up with me and I have to be honest and tell the board about my past. I also had a stupid issue throw me out of wack and drank for two months. I think early 30s, issues with finding work, drinking ......your solution is to work a part time job and finish your degree. Find something you love, a career you see yourself in. Your arrest will eventually be far in the past but your degree will be current and you can find work. All the studying will take away your drinking time too. By the time you are my age your arrest will be far in the past and just be honest with employers. Six months was a great start, you can do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by Obladi
You've taken the first step, pj - welcome!
The good news is that you've had sobriety before, so you know you can do it. Have you stopped yet? If not, when will that be? If I were you, the first step would be to get rid of the alcohol in my home and ask my husband to refrain from bringing any more in.
Unfortunately, it's hard to convey what it's really like to people who don't have our problem. One of the major benefits to me of attending recovery group meetings is simply being in the company of people who totally get it. How did you accomplish your 6 months' sober before July 4?
O
The good news is that you've had sobriety before, so you know you can do it. Have you stopped yet? If not, when will that be? If I were you, the first step would be to get rid of the alcohol in my home and ask my husband to refrain from bringing any more in.
Unfortunately, it's hard to convey what it's really like to people who don't have our problem. One of the major benefits to me of attending recovery group meetings is simply being in the company of people who totally get it. How did you accomplish your 6 months' sober before July 4?
O
My sobriety before was largely due to me getting away from working in bars. In those 6 months, I was working at a fairly low-paying job at a little deli. But I was sober and happy. I really can't say if discovering I had a warrant out for my arrest is what really set me off when I was working in a bar again, or if a relapse was just a matter of time. All I know is that my drinking tends to spiral out of control when working at a bar, so I simply need to step away. My husband was also sober those 6 months and, of course, that was a huge help.
Hopefully things can continue this way. I have not attended a meeting, but online support groups have been a great help so far.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by mariposa
Hi PJ, I can relate. I have to hide my criminal past from work and now it’s caught up with me and I have to be honest and tell the board about my past. I also had a stupid issue throw me out of wack and drank for two months. I think early 30s, issues with finding work, drinking ......your solution is to work a part time job and finish your degree. Find something you love, a career you see yourself in. Your arrest will eventually be far in the past but your degree will be current and you can find work. All the studying will take away your drinking time too. By the time you are my age your arrest will be far in the past and just be honest with employers. Six months was a great start, you can do this.
As of yesterday, I got a part-time job at a local animal rescue and boarding kennel. It's a lot of physical work, but the pay is surprisingly good and this job makes me feel like I'm making a difference. It will be great for when I begin school next semester. I am hopeful that I can stay on this positive track.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,755
Don't just be 'hopeful'. Like Captain Picard always said; Make it so! Be the recovery you hope for yourself. My last relapse I made a vow to stay sober. I don't know what was different then, from all the previous attempts, but I've been sober ever since. I'm coming up on 10 yrs this December. That's pretty amazing, considering how hard it was for me to stay sober for even 10 days...
Make it so!
Oh yeah, your new job at the animal shelter sounds great. You can give them some love and tender treatment. It will be good for both of you.
I'm coming up on 10 yrs this December. That's pretty amazing, considering how hard it was for me to stay sober for even 10 days...Make it so!
Oh yeah, your new job at the animal shelter sounds great.
You can give them some love and tender treatment. It will be good for both of you.
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