Posting while hurting
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Posting while hurting
Okay I just realized that I should not be posting.
I'm hurting. And my hurt is bleeding into my posts. I'm physically not feeling well. Not from illness, but from stress.
My face feels like its melting. Ok, that's weird. But I feel like my eyes are puffy and my cheeks hurt or something. I think its from stress.
I'm exhausted for no reason. I'm ready to strike, for no reason. This morning I couldn't do spin class because they were tearing down the dry wall...literally the room was filled with dust and debris and they are like "oh yeah, no worries". Now, not a big deal right? Do something else. No I just turned tail and left. All crabby.
I mean classic restless, irritable and discontent. Classic entitled irritable selfish ********.
I'm not angry. I'm scared and unsure and I don't know what the hell to do with myself. I 'know' what would help but feel like I can't do anything. Now I'm not sitting here curled up in a ball. Yesterday I did a ton of yard work, the day before shampooed the carpets. That's with all the my normal routine. I've applied for jobs. I'm 'doing' but I'm off.
I'm 54, single, empty nester. **** I honestly don't want to go back to work to some BS job. But I have to.
Huge massive sigh. Just did it. Maybe I need to back off for a week. Meditate. Haha. Just shared my thoughts about that in another thread. I'm ok. Set a schedule of AA meetings. Start looking into networking opps. Just chill the **** out. Rome wasn't built in a day.
Maybe some god damned gratitude. I am sitting here in my home , that I own, on an amazing pre-fall day. Staring at all my leaf laden trees that will soon be bare. My pup is by my feet. I just visited my daughter....which actually pisses me off because she always needs me to spend money...so that's another irritant. But that's fixable. Set boundaries.
I am actually reconsidering moving to my parents for 6 months in March to care give. That's a long story I've shared here but I feel purpose-less and that would give me a purpose. And save money. If daughter is stable and health is ok (cancer...sad days. Me not her) maybe I'll do it.
Oh man you guys. Sorry to dump my crap here. I just need to get it out. And yeah, I think of drinking. But in this kind of 'what good will that do?' way. Like, I know in every fiber of my being that it won't help, at all. And I don't even want to. You guys get it. Its just where my brain goes when there is no where else to turn. And OMG I am soooo eternally grateful to you brave souls that share here...your relapses and the very definite fact that no one ever comes here and says "I relapsed! It was grrrreat!'. NEVER.
Oh lord. Deep breaths. Take a shower. Eat something. Just relax. Right? Just meditate! Hahahaha.
And thank you to anyone that just read that
I'm hurting. And my hurt is bleeding into my posts. I'm physically not feeling well. Not from illness, but from stress.
My face feels like its melting. Ok, that's weird. But I feel like my eyes are puffy and my cheeks hurt or something. I think its from stress.
I'm exhausted for no reason. I'm ready to strike, for no reason. This morning I couldn't do spin class because they were tearing down the dry wall...literally the room was filled with dust and debris and they are like "oh yeah, no worries". Now, not a big deal right? Do something else. No I just turned tail and left. All crabby.
I mean classic restless, irritable and discontent. Classic entitled irritable selfish ********.
I'm not angry. I'm scared and unsure and I don't know what the hell to do with myself. I 'know' what would help but feel like I can't do anything. Now I'm not sitting here curled up in a ball. Yesterday I did a ton of yard work, the day before shampooed the carpets. That's with all the my normal routine. I've applied for jobs. I'm 'doing' but I'm off.
I'm 54, single, empty nester. **** I honestly don't want to go back to work to some BS job. But I have to.
Huge massive sigh. Just did it. Maybe I need to back off for a week. Meditate. Haha. Just shared my thoughts about that in another thread. I'm ok. Set a schedule of AA meetings. Start looking into networking opps. Just chill the **** out. Rome wasn't built in a day.
Maybe some god damned gratitude. I am sitting here in my home , that I own, on an amazing pre-fall day. Staring at all my leaf laden trees that will soon be bare. My pup is by my feet. I just visited my daughter....which actually pisses me off because she always needs me to spend money...so that's another irritant. But that's fixable. Set boundaries.
I am actually reconsidering moving to my parents for 6 months in March to care give. That's a long story I've shared here but I feel purpose-less and that would give me a purpose. And save money. If daughter is stable and health is ok (cancer...sad days. Me not her) maybe I'll do it.
Oh man you guys. Sorry to dump my crap here. I just need to get it out. And yeah, I think of drinking. But in this kind of 'what good will that do?' way. Like, I know in every fiber of my being that it won't help, at all. And I don't even want to. You guys get it. Its just where my brain goes when there is no where else to turn. And OMG I am soooo eternally grateful to you brave souls that share here...your relapses and the very definite fact that no one ever comes here and says "I relapsed! It was grrrreat!'. NEVER.
Oh lord. Deep breaths. Take a shower. Eat something. Just relax. Right? Just meditate! Hahahaha.
And thank you to anyone that just read that
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 210
Have you tried Magnesium? Somebody told me about it last week then I noticed it in a news article earlier today. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/a...gised-you.html
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 780
We all have those days. Go for a walk, go see a movie, go take a drive? It’s easy to get in a funk. I’m in a big stress mess myself lately; causing headaches like I’ve never had in my life. But I’m better off than 99% of people in this world! Yeah, the drinking would be a waste of time and something to regret later. Not worth it. Hope things look up soon!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
When I have a day like that, I have to try really had to remember, it's just a day. It won't be like this forever.
You're right to think about the basics like eating, distracting yourself, exercising. And, don't hesitate to post your feelings anytime.
You're right to think about the basics like eating, distracting yourself, exercising. And, don't hesitate to post your feelings anytime.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
I know I have days like that sometimes - and sometimes longer than a day - the fear and anxiety can be literally crippling - but everything really does always end up OK
I think SR is the perfect place to post when you're feeling
I'm sorry you're feeling that way Entropy - but you have a lot of friends here and we're all rooting for you
D
I think SR is the perfect place to post when you're feeling
I'm sorry you're feeling that way Entropy - but you have a lot of friends here and we're all rooting for you
D
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
Originally Posted by Houstin 
Have you tried Magnesium? Somebody told me about it last week then I noticed it in a news article earlier today. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/a...gised-you.html
Just a reminder to you and others who might be new here our medical advice rule actually includes over the counter things like vitamins
10. Medical Advice: No Posts giving medical advice, medication advice, or psychiatric advice. Do not use the forum to give or ask for professional medical or psychiatric advice. If you are a medical professional, please remember the forums and chat are for peer support only and not to be used for distributing professional medical advice and/or using the forum to represent your professional services. Medical and Psychiatric advice includes giving a diagnosis, treatment plan, medication advice and dosage suggestions, over the counter and natural home remedies that should be approved by medical professionals. Detox can be dangerous and life threatening at times. Please consult with your physician.
Personal experience, shared responsibly, is usually fine to share.
My own personal experience with magnesium - I was taking it recently for muscle cramps after a rib injury - is that too much makes you go number twos - a lot.
It stopped my cramps - but I didn't notice any energy or mental health improvements myself.
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 349
entropy,
While running this morning, I had a thought I’ll share. I live near a hilly town, and the combo of walking and running has made me pretty familiar with the challenges of the various routes. I plan my runs accordingly.
Well, there’s this one hill I call The Bastard. I can take it up or down, depending on how I’m feeling on any given day. Yesterday I went up, but had to walk for about 30 seconds near the top. So this morning, I'm kind of tired, so I planned shorter route. But for some reason I took The Bastard uphill again. Today I made it..ran all the way...in part because I know that if I can just make it to the top, there’s a nice downhill and some gentle rises and falls on the other side.
So I thought, this is life. Great big challenges, smaller ones, and some opportunities to just coast along. And The Bastard will be there tomorrow and the next day...just like the trials of life and the ongoing effort to face them all sober. And I'm sure that somewhere in my future there’s a Bigger Bastard, and walking or running, I’ll make it up that one too.
Some days you plod along and take whatever joy may come. Some days you have the strength to take any challenge running. And sometimes, you get to coast along and enjoy the time between peaks.
You’ve had a lot lately with the kiddo, the parents, etc. All big life changes coming at one time. You've got a fantastic sense of humor about it all. Be gentle with yourself...we can’t be strong all of the time.
-my best wishes to you,
bora
While running this morning, I had a thought I’ll share. I live near a hilly town, and the combo of walking and running has made me pretty familiar with the challenges of the various routes. I plan my runs accordingly.
Well, there’s this one hill I call The Bastard. I can take it up or down, depending on how I’m feeling on any given day. Yesterday I went up, but had to walk for about 30 seconds near the top. So this morning, I'm kind of tired, so I planned shorter route. But for some reason I took The Bastard uphill again. Today I made it..ran all the way...in part because I know that if I can just make it to the top, there’s a nice downhill and some gentle rises and falls on the other side.
So I thought, this is life. Great big challenges, smaller ones, and some opportunities to just coast along. And The Bastard will be there tomorrow and the next day...just like the trials of life and the ongoing effort to face them all sober. And I'm sure that somewhere in my future there’s a Bigger Bastard, and walking or running, I’ll make it up that one too.
Some days you plod along and take whatever joy may come. Some days you have the strength to take any challenge running. And sometimes, you get to coast along and enjoy the time between peaks.
You’ve had a lot lately with the kiddo, the parents, etc. All big life changes coming at one time. You've got a fantastic sense of humor about it all. Be gentle with yourself...we can’t be strong all of the time.
-my best wishes to you,
bora
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Originally Posted by boreas
entropy,
While running this morning, I had a thought I’ll share. I live near a hilly town, and the combo of walking and running has made me pretty familiar with the challenges of the various routes. I plan my runs accordingly.
Well, there’s this one hill I call The Bastard. I can take it up or down, depending on how I’m feeling on any given day. Yesterday I went up, but had to walk for about 30 seconds near the top. So this morning, I'm kind of tired, so I planned shorter route. But for some reason I took The Bastard uphill again. Today I made it..ran all the way...in part because I know that if I can just make it to the top, there’s a nice downhill and some gentle rises and falls on the other side.
So I thought, this is life. Great big challenges, smaller ones, and some opportunities to just coast along. And The Bastard will be there tomorrow and the next day...just like the trials of life and the ongoing effort to face them all sober. And I'm sure that somewhere in my future there’s a Bigger Bastard, and walking or running, I’ll make it up that one too.
Some days you plod along and take whatever joy may come. Some days you have the strength to take any challenge running. And sometimes, you get to coast along and enjoy the time between peaks.
You’ve had a lot lately with the kiddo, the parents, etc. All big life changes coming at one time. You've got a fantastic sense of humor about it all. Be gentle with yourself...we can’t be strong all of the time.
-my best wishes to you,
bora
While running this morning, I had a thought I’ll share. I live near a hilly town, and the combo of walking and running has made me pretty familiar with the challenges of the various routes. I plan my runs accordingly.
Well, there’s this one hill I call The Bastard. I can take it up or down, depending on how I’m feeling on any given day. Yesterday I went up, but had to walk for about 30 seconds near the top. So this morning, I'm kind of tired, so I planned shorter route. But for some reason I took The Bastard uphill again. Today I made it..ran all the way...in part because I know that if I can just make it to the top, there’s a nice downhill and some gentle rises and falls on the other side.
So I thought, this is life. Great big challenges, smaller ones, and some opportunities to just coast along. And The Bastard will be there tomorrow and the next day...just like the trials of life and the ongoing effort to face them all sober. And I'm sure that somewhere in my future there’s a Bigger Bastard, and walking or running, I’ll make it up that one too.
Some days you plod along and take whatever joy may come. Some days you have the strength to take any challenge running. And sometimes, you get to coast along and enjoy the time between peaks.
You’ve had a lot lately with the kiddo, the parents, etc. All big life changes coming at one time. You've got a fantastic sense of humor about it all. Be gentle with yourself...we can’t be strong all of the time.
-my best wishes to you,
bora
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 652
Ah Entropy, I hear you.
54 is a difficult age. I am the same age as you and feel anxious/stressed a lot of the time too. I also struggle to find my gratitude. Our lives sound pretty similar. I spin also!
Sometimes I think I am going crazy. But maybe we are just going through a lot of transition and asking some big questions. Maybe we will come out of this more fabulous or maybe we will go so nuts we no longer care.
Either way, we will be okay
Thank you for sharing. I really appreciated your words.
54 is a difficult age. I am the same age as you and feel anxious/stressed a lot of the time too. I also struggle to find my gratitude. Our lives sound pretty similar. I spin also!
Sometimes I think I am going crazy. But maybe we are just going through a lot of transition and asking some big questions. Maybe we will come out of this more fabulous or maybe we will go so nuts we no longer care.
Either way, we will be okay Thank you for sharing. I really appreciated your words.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Vent away! That's what friends are for. This is the exact right time to post.
You have been through and are going through a lot; I think you're entitled to a freak-out from time to time. You're right - take a bath, eat something, be kind to yourself; you deserve it. I doubt anything will resolve itself this evening, so let go...
p.s. I think walking out of the plaster dust was badass.
xo
O
You have been through and are going through a lot; I think you're entitled to a freak-out from time to time. You're right - take a bath, eat something, be kind to yourself; you deserve it. I doubt anything will resolve itself this evening, so let go...
p.s. I think walking out of the plaster dust was badass.
xo
O
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
That was a beautiful post..you write beautifully....I think you should come write your feelings out more...I enjoyed reading about your experience, STRENGTH and you still have HOPE for yourself...
Your post gave me hope for myself...I'm 55...wish I was an emptynester….and similar thoughts and concerns spin in my head.....Me too...I'm an alcoholic....like you.
Thank you for sharing!
Your post gave me hope for myself...I'm 55...wish I was an emptynester….and similar thoughts and concerns spin in my head.....Me too...I'm an alcoholic....like you.
Thank you for sharing!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 534
Great thread. I've had a few annoying days like this too recently.
At a convenience store yesterday, the checkout guy said I had used the wrong cup for my coke, so he was charging me extra. He was incredibly rude.
At first, I wanted to cry. (It had been a BAD DAY, ALL DAY). And I HATE when people use a hateful tone.
I fantasized about throwing the drink in his face. (Too violent, could possibly get arrested).
Or being a smart-a$$ and saying, "Oh, here's a quarter. Keep the extra nickel." (Too hateful, also didn't think of that response until later).
I went home, felt very sorry for myself -which kind of felt good!!- and sent friends detailed, indignant texts about the injustice I had suffered. They were kind enough to agree that I had been GREATLY disrespected and that, yes, they would support me in a boycott of the store, etc. etc.
This morning, I can see the humor in my dramatic texts, appreciate the support from friends who know I've got a LOT going on in my life and realized one rude man can't be the straw that breaks this camel's back.
So, Entropy and everyone else, thanks for the reminder that we are allowed to have bad days, we don't drink AT them and that life will get back to being manageable.
At a convenience store yesterday, the checkout guy said I had used the wrong cup for my coke, so he was charging me extra. He was incredibly rude.
At first, I wanted to cry. (It had been a BAD DAY, ALL DAY). And I HATE when people use a hateful tone.
I fantasized about throwing the drink in his face. (Too violent, could possibly get arrested).
Or being a smart-a$$ and saying, "Oh, here's a quarter. Keep the extra nickel." (Too hateful, also didn't think of that response until later).
I went home, felt very sorry for myself -which kind of felt good!!- and sent friends detailed, indignant texts about the injustice I had suffered. They were kind enough to agree that I had been GREATLY disrespected and that, yes, they would support me in a boycott of the store, etc. etc.
This morning, I can see the humor in my dramatic texts, appreciate the support from friends who know I've got a LOT going on in my life and realized one rude man can't be the straw that breaks this camel's back.
So, Entropy and everyone else, thanks for the reminder that we are allowed to have bad days, we don't drink AT them and that life will get back to being manageable.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Georgia, USA
Posts: 2,229
I hope you feel better today! I'm also in my fifties and wish I was an empty nester. I loved reading your post. I'm so glad you aren't thinking that drinking would help. Be good to yourself. Maybe you should take a rest day? Just get in bed with a really good book and only get up to eat and use the bathroom.
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