Just stupid and redicilous
Sick n tired
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 509
Just stupid and redicilous
Went to a meeting took a diazepam before hand felt disconnected went to store straight after drank half Bacardi n red bull. Pretended to feel better drankbit all. All gone now escape over feel like crap. Insanity what a **** I am eh
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'm sorry you drank Eve.
For some of us we have to keep adding to the recovery tool box - do you have people to call from AA of you find yourself in trouble.
If not, get some numbers from your next meetings and force yourself to use them next time you feel vulnerable maybe?
Also - post here before you drink - we've changed many a mind, if you give us the opportunity to
are you taking the diazepam as directed? Maybe the disconnected feeling is something to talk over with your Dr?
D
For some of us we have to keep adding to the recovery tool box - do you have people to call from AA of you find yourself in trouble.
If not, get some numbers from your next meetings and force yourself to use them next time you feel vulnerable maybe?
Also - post here before you drink - we've changed many a mind, if you give us the opportunity to
are you taking the diazepam as directed? Maybe the disconnected feeling is something to talk over with your Dr?
D
If you get thoughts of drinking again, come here and post instead of drinking. We'll try to talk you out of it. 
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
I hope you weren’t driving after drinking. Or even after taking the diazepam. Drink some water, go to bed and start over in the morning. No use beating yourself up over it tonight. A new day, resolve and reflection will help. And hitting a meeting too. Feel better.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
Been there. Went to a meeting and decided to buy alcohol afterward. The guilt was so overwhelming it was one of the worst drunks I ever had.
From your title it sounds like you had a similar experience. Hopefully this will be a blessing in disguise for you. Alcohol simply isn’t fun like it use to be.
During that time period when I decided to consume booze after an AA meeting, I wasn’t ready to quit yet. I just wanted the negative consequences to stop but not give up the booze. I kept trying to rationalize how I should be able to avoid the negative stuff and still keep my booze. Unfortunately you can’t have your cake and eat it too.
Im not sure if this is what is going on with you but for me I wasn’t able to quit and stay quit till I truly wanted to be done with drinking. Nothing anyone could have said could have gotten me to stop. I couldn’t stop till I actually wanted to stop for myself.
Are you ready?
From your title it sounds like you had a similar experience. Hopefully this will be a blessing in disguise for you. Alcohol simply isn’t fun like it use to be.
During that time period when I decided to consume booze after an AA meeting, I wasn’t ready to quit yet. I just wanted the negative consequences to stop but not give up the booze. I kept trying to rationalize how I should be able to avoid the negative stuff and still keep my booze. Unfortunately you can’t have your cake and eat it too.
Im not sure if this is what is going on with you but for me I wasn’t able to quit and stay quit till I truly wanted to be done with drinking. Nothing anyone could have said could have gotten me to stop. I couldn’t stop till I actually wanted to stop for myself.
Are you ready?
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Just stupid and ridiculous
Alcoholism isn't stupid or ridiculous. But it is baffling.
You mention going to a meeting. I assume AA. Is that the extent of your recovery? Your "tool box" as Dee put it? No sponsor? Not working the steps?
Alcoholism isn't stupid or ridiculous. But it is baffling.
You mention going to a meeting. I assume AA. Is that the extent of your recovery? Your "tool box" as Dee put it? No sponsor? Not working the steps?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,408
Drink and drugs don’t work anymore for alcoholics/addicts. There’s no happy ending there. The only way is to stay sober and learn to live sober. Sounds easy and of course it’s not but that’s the reality. There is a solution 🙏
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Nothing stupid or ridiculous about being an addict or addiction. A person that isn't an addict might see it that way, but I think the people here understand how what you did can happen. Beating yourself up won't help you to move forward. The important thing is what you do now to keep that from happening again. Work hard, stay determined and don't accept defeat and you will get there. John
Sick n tired
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 509
Thank you all. I went to bed and spent day today on the sofa watching films trying to eat and drink myself better. I can’t believe I did that all I can say is that I had anxiety in my stomach just because it was a Friday and I did not enjoy the Aa meeting. That’s the first time I have not enjoyed oneas I usually get a lot out of it. No sponsor at moment she became poorly and iv not been able to get another not many female sponsors in my area. Feel so guilty and although I’m not drinking now just the fact that I failed again is redicilous I mean I really really want to stop this thanks all going to bed sober tonight
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Originally Posted by eve123 
Thank you all. I went to bed and spent day today on the sofa watching films trying to eat and drink myself better. I can’t believe I did that all I can say is that I had anxiety in my stomach just because it was a Friday and I did not enjoy the Aa meeting. That’s the first time I have not enjoyed oneas I usually get a lot out of it. No sponsor at moment she became poorly and iv not been able to get another not many female sponsors in my area. Feel so guilty and although I’m not drinking now just the fact that I failed again is redicilous I mean I really really want to stop this thanks all going to bed sober tonight
Sick n tired
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 509
Dee I have tried as over and over been going to meetings for over 5 years not as regular as I should because of commitments and lack of childcare. I have had sponsors more than 4 but I never seem to get this. I do well for a few weeks months then fall off again. Just sick of it now. Maybe I’m one of the hopeless ones that will never get true long term sobriety. I will try post here more often so here is to day two AGAIN 😢
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Hey Eve,
As a fellow AA'er do you mind of I ask you some questions? Have you worked through any of the steps yet? How is your step 1? Do you believe that you are powerless over alcohol and is your life unmanageable? Do you have Higher Power? Before you drank this time did you 1. Pray to your Higher Power? 2. Call another alcoholic in the fellowship to tell them you wanted to drink? 3. Get straight to another meeting and share ?
Also, are you prescribed diazepam and are you taking it as prescribed? And if you are prescribed it does your GP know that you are an alcoholic? Because valium for me is like alcohol in tablet form.
🙏❤
As a fellow AA'er do you mind of I ask you some questions? Have you worked through any of the steps yet? How is your step 1? Do you believe that you are powerless over alcohol and is your life unmanageable? Do you have Higher Power? Before you drank this time did you 1. Pray to your Higher Power? 2. Call another alcoholic in the fellowship to tell them you wanted to drink? 3. Get straight to another meeting and share ?
Also, are you prescribed diazepam and are you taking it as prescribed? And if you are prescribed it does your GP know that you are an alcoholic? Because valium for me is like alcohol in tablet form.
🙏❤
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Hi Eve, I been there, done that. What seemed stupid was truly insanity. Where my stupidity came out was when I got to AA and stupidly followed suggestions because I was too stupid or stupified to argue. I just wanted the misery to stop and was willing to do anything within my power. I recovered as the result.
One power I didn't have was to overcome the insanity of the first drink. Most of the time I never saw it coming. To an outsider it looks like I made a series of wrong choices culminating in my arm pouring a drink down my own throat.
In reality I could not see what was about to happen, consequences did not come to mind. If there was any thought at all it was along the lines of this time will be different. When the obsession returned, the last thing I would to do was call someone who would try to talk me out of it.
And when it came to acting on solutions, I had similar blind spots. It is called denial, but it really was an inability to see the true nature of my condition. As a consequence I did not see the need to take all of the action suggested, and only took some, things that were not too uncomfortable or difficult.
There came a point where the blind spots were removed and I was faced with the shocking realization that I was actually dying of a terminal illness. This could have been a point where stupidity might have tripped me up in relation to what action I was prepared to take. I mean if I was diagnosed with a serious medical condition it would be kinda stupid to get picky about what parts of the treatment I would accept. But thankfully my ego was sufficiently smashed to realize there could be no half measures.
One power I didn't have was to overcome the insanity of the first drink. Most of the time I never saw it coming. To an outsider it looks like I made a series of wrong choices culminating in my arm pouring a drink down my own throat.
In reality I could not see what was about to happen, consequences did not come to mind. If there was any thought at all it was along the lines of this time will be different. When the obsession returned, the last thing I would to do was call someone who would try to talk me out of it.
And when it came to acting on solutions, I had similar blind spots. It is called denial, but it really was an inability to see the true nature of my condition. As a consequence I did not see the need to take all of the action suggested, and only took some, things that were not too uncomfortable or difficult.
There came a point where the blind spots were removed and I was faced with the shocking realization that I was actually dying of a terminal illness. This could have been a point where stupidity might have tripped me up in relation to what action I was prepared to take. I mean if I was diagnosed with a serious medical condition it would be kinda stupid to get picky about what parts of the treatment I would accept. But thankfully my ego was sufficiently smashed to realize there could be no half measures.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by eve123
Dee I have tried as over and over been going to meetings for over 5 years not as regular as I should because of commitments and lack of childcare. I have had sponsors more than 4 but I never seem to get this. I do well for a few weeks months then fall off again. Just sick of it now. Maybe I’m one of the hopeless ones that will never get true long term sobriety. I will try post here more often so here is to day two AGAIN 😢
One question: Are you willing to go to a big book meeting, raise your hand, ask for help, and follow the instructions of the person that is willing to help you?
If you are, then you are ready.
Willingness, that is what is required to recover. Until then, you're just holding your breath until you need to breathe again. Sorry to be blunt, but I'm trying to save your life.
So, are you willing?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Gainesville, Fl
Posts: 435
Originally Posted by eve123
I have tried as over and over been going to meetings for over 5 years not as regular as I should because of commitments and lack of childcare.
And I've seen children of varying ages at AA meetings. I could damn near guarantee that if you asked, they would be fine with you bringing your kid(s) to a meeting if it meant getting sober. They are there to help.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Gainesville, Fl
Posts: 435
Originally Posted by Dee74
I wouldn't question anyones parenting unless I knew their story really well, abgator.
hows it going Eve?
D
hows it going Eve?
D
Is there a single person here who can honestly say they've never been drunk around their child or if the child is old enough, they didn't know something was off or wrong? There is no better reason to get sober than for your kid(s).
Sometimes people need tough love or you might as well be enabling them. Or is it only ok to tell the parents of addicts who come here for help to show tough love, because that happens all the time....Just sayin...
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