Sleeping elsewhere - AH still won’t admit he’s wrong
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 10
Sleeping elsewhere - AH still won’t admit he’s wrong
so I’m staying at my mums as he said awful things yet again and I received a message from him saying “ goodbye “ . I know this is dramatics, but I can’t help feel worried and guilty. It’s crazy seeing as an hour ago he was yelling in my face.
Surely im not alone in feeling like this ?
Surely im not alone in feeling like this ?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Sleeper.....No, you are not alone....If you were to count the number of times that this is reported, on this forum....in the thousands, and thousands of stories written by those who have had to leave their relationship with very abusive partners....the words "worried" and "guilty" come up so often they you couldn't even count them!
I think it is human nature to be compassionate about someone that you have cared form at some level, for many years...even if they are too messed up to respond the same way toward you.....
I think it is a natural part of human bonding.....even in extreme cases...it can even be "trauma bonding".....
I think it is human nature to be compassionate about someone that you have cared form at some level, for many years...even if they are too messed up to respond the same way toward you.....
I think it is a natural part of human bonding.....even in extreme cases...it can even be "trauma bonding".....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,986
Glad you got out of the situation Sleeper.
I kept trying to leave my qualifier but couldn't manage to stay away from him. I did finally make it stick. I knew he was headed for a life I didn't want to be part of but man oh man was it tough to leave. Like your AH, my qualifier was an amazing, smart and kind person; he just chose/had to go down a road I didn't want to take.
Hang tough and let us know how you get on.
I kept trying to leave my qualifier but couldn't manage to stay away from him. I did finally make it stick. I knew he was headed for a life I didn't want to be part of but man oh man was it tough to leave. Like your AH, my qualifier was an amazing, smart and kind person; he just chose/had to go down a road I didn't want to take.
Hang tough and let us know how you get on.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello Sleeper,
I'm afraid that no, the treatment you have received is abusive, and you are sadly not alone--breaks my heart!
If you believe he may harm himself, it is always good to call 911 and report it. If he is bluffing, he won't do it again. If he's not, he will receive the care he needs.
I'm afraid that no, the treatment you have received is abusive, and you are sadly not alone--breaks my heart!
If you believe he may harm himself, it is always good to call 911 and report it. If he is bluffing, he won't do it again. If he's not, he will receive the care he needs.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 62
Not alone at all. You have been conditioned to respond to the dramatics. Even when you leave you still get sucked into it. Of course you will worry. Its hard not to when it is someone you care about. Maybe with time it will get easier to remove your emotions from it and see that it is possibly just dramatics to get you to respond. Its a hard road.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
You feel guilty ..........but it's not o.k. for anyone to disrespect you by saying terrible things. It's unacceptable. Alanon was a huge support and taught me to value myself and stop catering to a drunk. I hope you don't expect an admission of guilt, an alcoholic will never give it and only blame you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 93
So right nyc doglvr! It still sucks though. Meanness and abuse are all part of the alcoholic mindset. They have to take it out on us and blame us so they don’t have to deal with the fact that is is them. Then they would have to give up the bottle. And that is the last thing they want. It is a struggle but the best we can do is realize it is them and this awful disease. If they can’t get honest and go into recovery out choice is to continue to tolerate it or leave and save ourselves.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
