I ****** up big time need advice! 😭
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 40
I ****** up big time need advice! 😭
I ****** up really bad I was almost 3 weeks clean I’ve NEVER been able to get this far and BAM I let someone make me so upset I got High. I feel worthless and stupid and I feel like I’m not sure if I can make it threw this again I tried so hard, SOOOO hard to stay clean I was feeling so good about myself and now I feel like an idiot that deserves to be stuck in this **** hole. I am starting a job soon and I can only imagine how ****** I’m going to feel. Going threw withdrawals the first time was HELLL I can’t believe I was almost a month clean and I ****** it up the day before my 3 weeks started. Lord help me I don’t know if I can do this I really am freaking out about not being able to sleep again and having horrible cold sweats, why am I so ******* stupid and why can’t I just be normal and not addicted to ****!!! I’m sorry I sound like such a psycho but I’ve never felt lower about myself. I’m now stuck in the “ I gotta take a little so I don’t feel like ****” phase and I’m absolutely hating myself right now .... I’m sorry to complain but I need support or advice to keep going or I’m going to end up back like I was before, god help me.������
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,465
I'm sorry you decided to drink again. It only makes things worse and you're suffering for it now, but you can get past this. Stop drinking now and get rid of the alcohol. Yes, you will have to go through withdrawals again, but thee is no way around it. And, you can do it. Remember, you will never have to do this again.
Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself and make a plan as to how you will react when someone makes you upset again. Because it will happen, and you will be prepared.
Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself and make a plan as to how you will react when someone makes you upset again. Because it will happen, and you will be prepared.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Posts: 348
Jj2518.
Sometimes we need to watch ourselves one more time.
It's the pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization that I never want to experience again.
I got sober through AA. They told me if I was willing to do a few simple things that I didn't have to live that way anymore. Resentments are our number one offender.
Hang in there and try again. Not everybody gets it the first time.
Sometimes we need to watch ourselves one more time.
It's the pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization that I never want to experience again.
I got sober through AA. They told me if I was willing to do a few simple things that I didn't have to live that way anymore. Resentments are our number one offender.
Hang in there and try again. Not everybody gets it the first time.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Jj2518 
I’m now stuck in the “ I gotta take a little so I don’t feel like shit” phase ....
Stop now and muscle through. And save some of that energy you are using to kick yourself while you're down.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Originally Posted by djlook
Jj2518.
Sometimes we need to watch ourselves one more time.
It's the pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization that I never want to experience again.
I got sober through AA. They told me if I was willing to do a few simple things that I didn't have to live that way anymore. Resentments are our number one offender.
Hang in there and try again. Not everybody gets it the first time.
Sometimes we need to watch ourselves one more time.
It's the pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization that I never want to experience again.
I got sober through AA. They told me if I was willing to do a few simple things that I didn't have to live that way anymore. Resentments are our number one offender.
Hang in there and try again. Not everybody gets it the first time.
I had to feel this low before I finally, and unequivocally, asked for help.
Most of us have felt this way before.
In AA, we call it surrender.
I had fought and lost my battle with alcohol.
The bottle had won.
I saw no way out.
I would lose all if I continued drinking.
Only then did I ask for help.
For me that was treatment, followed by working the AA program ever since.
The day I walked dejectedly into the treatment center was the last time I've had a drink or drug.
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
How many times have you used during this relapse? If it was once I don’t think withdrawals will be as severe but I don’t have experience with oxys and suboxone. You should call your doctor or go to the ER if the symptoms are unmanageable. It sounds like some F2F support would help. NA or AA, Refuge Recovery, SMART etc. The only way to not feel like this is to stop abusing yourself and get through it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Take it easy. We are addicts and for some of us relapse is part of this journey. It’s important to get you ass back on that horse. You know that using just a little to get you through runs a high risk of turning into using a lot. And you’ve been through these withdrawals and you know you can survive them. What do you say you put a stake in the ground and say you’re done with this cycle and commit to pushing through these withdrawals? It won’t be easy, but listen to yourself now. Do you really want to be back st this point tomorrow or in another week or month?
Either way hang in there. And keep posting and don’t isolate.
Either way hang in there. And keep posting and don’t isolate.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Colorado
Posts: 347
Okay JJ, you are in the saddle of the too-familiar self-loathing, self-hatred horse on the merry-go-round. No big deal. It will let up.
I have a question for you, and I think I know the answer: Are you still alive? If the answer is Yes, then the past is behind you and you still have a chance to get off the merry-go-round and find a better ride.
Start now and go for it!
I have a question for you, and I think I know the answer: Are you still alive? If the answer is Yes, then the past is behind you and you still have a chance to get off the merry-go-round and find a better ride.
Start now and go for it!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Colorado
Posts: 347
Originally Posted by SoberCAH
I agree completely.
I had to feel this low before I finally, and unequivocally, asked for help.
Most of us have felt this way before.
In AA, we call it surrender.
I had fought and lost my battle with alcohol.
The bottle had won.
I saw no way out.
I would lose all if I continued drinking.
Only then did I ask for help.
For me that was treatment, followed by working the AA program ever since.
The day I walked dejectedly into the treatment center was the last time I've had a drink or drug.
I had to feel this low before I finally, and unequivocally, asked for help.
Most of us have felt this way before.
In AA, we call it surrender.
I had fought and lost my battle with alcohol.
The bottle had won.
I saw no way out.
I would lose all if I continued drinking.
Only then did I ask for help.
For me that was treatment, followed by working the AA program ever since.
The day I walked dejectedly into the treatment center was the last time I've had a drink or drug.
The only thing that CAH left out, probably because he naturally assumes it as a given, is that asking for help means doing what you're told (for me, it took me until I was 35 years old to do what I was told; but at least now I'm not dead).
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,408
We've all definitely been there. I remember a time when just one day clean seemed like a miracle. Then I did a week. Then a month. Then 6 months. Then 7.
I'm still having a hard time, just like you, but I think I'm getting better at going easy on myself; picking myself and dusting myself off. I bet you will, too.
Glad you're here.
I'm still having a hard time, just like you, but I think I'm getting better at going easy on myself; picking myself and dusting myself off. I bet you will, too.
Glad you're here.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 652
Hi Jj2518,
Glad you are doing okay today.
I have been where you are both with opiates and more recently with alcohol. Simple analogies help me - ones about not slapping myself around the head with a wet fish and ones about falling off bicycles, brushing off and getting back on again.
Sounds like you might be applying these. Stay close.
Warm wishes
Lucinda
Glad you are doing okay today.
I have been where you are both with opiates and more recently with alcohol. Simple analogies help me - ones about not slapping myself around the head with a wet fish and ones about falling off bicycles, brushing off and getting back on again.
Sounds like you might be applying these. Stay close.
Warm wishes
Lucinda
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