I found in my inventory: narcissism
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I found in my inventory: narcissism
Actually, I knew it was there, but I guess I haven't really seen the connection to drinking until now. I have had people tell me that I think I am better than them, and that I make them feel stupid over the years. Also I regularly have narcissistic fantasies turning up when I try to meditate. I don't mean narcissistic as in the personality disorder, I do have a lot of empathy and most of the time behave decently, but I definitely feel special and superior.
My life does not always, however, live up to those expectations. Most of the time I am a very very boring and controlled person. Enter alcohol (and the scenes around it). When I was drinking, I felt like I could be more the "real me", break free from the boring person and life. In some respect it worked.
Notoriety is, however, not exactly what I am looking for these days, whereas I am doing quite a few things sober that I am truly proud of. One of them it not being so attached to a self-image at all anymore. But this is another piece to the pattern that I need to be aware of. I noticed it when someone gave me a compliment that made me feel special and thereafter when I reflected on why I am being drawn in an obsessive way to some people. So adding an N to my HALTS i guess.
My life does not always, however, live up to those expectations. Most of the time I am a very very boring and controlled person. Enter alcohol (and the scenes around it). When I was drinking, I felt like I could be more the "real me", break free from the boring person and life. In some respect it worked.
Notoriety is, however, not exactly what I am looking for these days, whereas I am doing quite a few things sober that I am truly proud of. One of them it not being so attached to a self-image at all anymore. But this is another piece to the pattern that I need to be aware of. I noticed it when someone gave me a compliment that made me feel special and thereafter when I reflected on why I am being drawn in an obsessive way to some people. So adding an N to my HALTS i guess.
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Originally Posted by Tailai 
Yes, excellent self awareness. For me, gratitude was key here.
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reminds me of some lines from the bb
Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help.
good on ya for recognizing one of the problems-
i found insecurities,fears, and low self esteem were major problems- masked in many ways- in every aspect of my life
Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help.
good on ya for recognizing one of the problems-
i found insecurities,fears, and low self esteem were major problems- masked in many ways- in every aspect of my life
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I dont know where I fall into in this category . maybe cause I'm not understanding . I mean I was not selfish .oh wait maybe I was cause anything I did there was the thinking there is a catch to it. I was generous even more when I boozed or folks would come around cause they know I'm boozed I dont know. Even fam and my ex took advantage of me in a sence . why? Cause I didnt care at the moment cause I had booze on the brain. Dont know if I'm in left field with this so correct me if I'm wrong with this concept. ✌
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Originally Posted by tomsteve
reminds me of some lines from the bb
Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness.
Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness.
The illusion of the little individual self, a separate identity, that we mistakenly take for real, is indeed the root of all suffering, in my (and billions of other people's especially within buddhism and hinduism,) opinion. And I believe that there is a lot we can do ourselves to prepare to move beyond that illusion (spiritual practices), but it also takes some grace or luck, so that points us in the direction of important tools such as acceptance, patience, surrender and/or prayer (to a higher power, whatever one would like to call that).
Last edited by Austerities; 09-02-2019 at 06:29 AM. Reason: Imprecise
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3 questions you can ask and answer for youself:
did i ever put drinking ahead of responsibilities?
did i ever put off responsibilities to drink?
did i ever conduct responsibilities while drinking when i should have been sober?
did i ever put drinking ahead of responsibilities?
did i ever put off responsibilities to drink?
did i ever conduct responsibilities while drinking when i should have been sober?
Originally Posted by SoberRican
I dont know where I fall into in this category . maybe cause I'm not understanding . I mean I was not selfish .oh wait maybe I was cause anything I did there was the thinking there is a catch to it. I was generous even more when I boozed or folks would come around cause they know I'm boozed I dont know. Even fam and my ex took advantage of me in a sence . why? Cause I didnt care at the moment cause I had booze on the brain. Dont know if I'm in left field with this so correct me if I'm wrong with this concept. ✌
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