I'm having a bad day, so HE drinks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 316
I'm having a bad day, so HE drinks.
So I got fired today, 9.5 years working remotely/from home for my boss and owner of the company. Something about him 'cleaning up financials' so he can make the company look good to sell and I make too much for a part time employee and he needs to let me go. No warning signs, no negative feedback, nothing. I was completely blindsided.
My AH has been super supportive since I got the email (yes email) over lunch today. He comes home, says he has to put some things away in the garage, and when he comes in our room to sit and watch a movie with me which is all I wanted to do I can tell he's been drinking. I simply said 'you didn't drink in the garage, did you' and he said 'I did.' No idea how much, I don't care. After 4.5 weeks of not drinking because he knows I'm serious about separating if he does, he chooses today of all days to drink. I told him to get away from me, that I'd rather be alone. He comes in maybe 30 minutes later wanting to hang out and I told him to leave and he acts surprised and left. Today of all days, a day when I need him the most.
This changes things for me financially being able to just up and leave easily. Thankfully my kids are away for the week at my in-laws, I have some time to think. But this really sucks.
My AH has been super supportive since I got the email (yes email) over lunch today. He comes home, says he has to put some things away in the garage, and when he comes in our room to sit and watch a movie with me which is all I wanted to do I can tell he's been drinking. I simply said 'you didn't drink in the garage, did you' and he said 'I did.' No idea how much, I don't care. After 4.5 weeks of not drinking because he knows I'm serious about separating if he does, he chooses today of all days to drink. I told him to get away from me, that I'd rather be alone. He comes in maybe 30 minutes later wanting to hang out and I told him to leave and he acts surprised and left. Today of all days, a day when I need him the most.
This changes things for me financially being able to just up and leave easily. Thankfully my kids are away for the week at my in-laws, I have some time to think. But this really sucks.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
i'm so sorry for the sudden job loss. that had to be rattling!!!
however....as you go forward, your AH showed you EXACTLY what and whom are HIS priorities. whatever you have to do next, do not rely upon him for anything. he cannot and apparently will not be a supportive structure in your life.
you will figure this out. it may turn out to be some strangely wrapped gift. it may move you to take actions that you had heretofore resisted. godshot or wake up call. or just a firm nudge from the universe.
however....as you go forward, your AH showed you EXACTLY what and whom are HIS priorities. whatever you have to do next, do not rely upon him for anything. he cannot and apparently will not be a supportive structure in your life.
you will figure this out. it may turn out to be some strangely wrapped gift. it may move you to take actions that you had heretofore resisted. godshot or wake up call. or just a firm nudge from the universe.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,617
First of all, I'm sorry about your job. I hope your ex employer at will at least have to give you severance pay.
This all really sucks.
Yes, his priorities are on full display now, but it's not like you didn't know. That isn't very comforting I'm sure.
You made a boundary for a reason. We can't allow people to tromp on our boundaries because it's inconvenient to us, or because it hurts us to enforce them. ugh - if it were just easier.
As Anvil said - maybe this is a push in the right direction.
This all really sucks.
Yes, his priorities are on full display now, but it's not like you didn't know. That isn't very comforting I'm sure.
You made a boundary for a reason. We can't allow people to tromp on our boundaries because it's inconvenient to us, or because it hurts us to enforce them. ugh - if it were just easier.
As Anvil said - maybe this is a push in the right direction.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 296
Been there. Its such a shocker, no warning at all. Felt like a piece of dirt by my former boss. On the plus side I'd already kicked out my EXAH so didn't have to be let down by him being emotionally unavailable. My real friends rallied round. Trust me... There is something brighter looming on the horizon and it probably has a lot to do with financial security, a new boss who has lived your life. Something is a foot!!
Nows the time to list out what you want in a job, life etc. Raise that bar!!
Nows the time to list out what you want in a job, life etc. Raise that bar!!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
fwn…...I am so sorry....that really sucks...the way your boss delivered this kind of news to you!! I know how that feels like a punch to the gut.
I am going to assume that this dark turn will open opportunity for an even better job, in your future....
I would ask him for a glowing letter of reference.....he owes you that!
This is a bump in the road.....
I am going to assume that this dark turn will open opportunity for an even better job, in your future....
I would ask him for a glowing letter of reference.....he owes you that!
This is a bump in the road.....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 36
Wait, aren't you pregnant and due next month? And your employer fired you? That's suspicious. I know you have A LOT on your plate, but you may have very good grounds for challenging this termination.
You don't need any additional stress right now. I'm so sorry.
You don't need any additional stress right now. I'm so sorry.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Southern US
Posts: 510
Fortworth, I'm really sorry about the abrupt job loss. That's pretty low of your employer to do that. And over email, no less....
As far as your AH goes...sending you ((((hugs))))
I have no sage advice. I'm in a mess with my AH tonight myself. All I can say is I'm thinking about you and praying for your situation.
As far as your AH goes...sending you ((((hugs))))
I have no sage advice. I'm in a mess with my AH tonight myself. All I can say is I'm thinking about you and praying for your situation.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
I am so very sorry this happened FWN.
I'm not surprised it happened...everything you shared with us had me knowing that it would. I wish I had been wrong.
I don't have anything else to offer than what has already been said to you, but I do agree with the others. When a door closes, a window opens. I hope you still qualify for maternity leave while you sort out what to do next.
Again I am so sorry he fell off the wagon. My AXH always seemed to do the same damn thing whenever it was that I needed him the most. It was a very lonely feeling to know I was going through something and wanted the support of my life parter...but he was snuggled up to his "russian mistress" (vodka) It sucked, but the good thing that came from it was that I eventually I grew enough strength that I didn't NEED him anymore. I knew I had to look after me because he was not capable. We no longer functioned as a unit...we were functioning on different frequencies. It's not OK that they expect us to agree to live with what they consider "normal" and comfortable for them, when to us it is a living hell. Jerks.
I know you will get through this and do what is best for you and your kids. I have faith gainful employment will come along after you have settled in with the new baby. Please accept all the help your family wants to give.
I'm not surprised it happened...everything you shared with us had me knowing that it would. I wish I had been wrong.
I don't have anything else to offer than what has already been said to you, but I do agree with the others. When a door closes, a window opens. I hope you still qualify for maternity leave while you sort out what to do next.
Again I am so sorry he fell off the wagon. My AXH always seemed to do the same damn thing whenever it was that I needed him the most. It was a very lonely feeling to know I was going through something and wanted the support of my life parter...but he was snuggled up to his "russian mistress" (vodka) It sucked, but the good thing that came from it was that I eventually I grew enough strength that I didn't NEED him anymore. I knew I had to look after me because he was not capable. We no longer functioned as a unit...we were functioning on different frequencies. It's not OK that they expect us to agree to live with what they consider "normal" and comfortable for them, when to us it is a living hell. Jerks.
I know you will get through this and do what is best for you and your kids. I have faith gainful employment will come along after you have settled in with the new baby. Please accept all the help your family wants to give.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Virginia
Posts: 469
FWN, I'm sorry to hear about you firing. It's no fun. I've been there before. Just when you need your AH there for support the Alcohol takes over again. You did the right thing by sending him way. Way to be strong. Hang in there and we are here for you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 395
I’ve been there too. I’m so sorry! I was fired from a job during the worst year living with my alcoholic x girlfriend. But somehow when you need sanity and to save your life... you’ll find any way possible to get out! There’s hope!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
