Unbelievable
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Unbelievable
AH has not signed the papers. He says why should he do it on my timetable. The clock is ticking in his get out date. He says he will sign them next week. I don’t know how I can enforce the get out date if the court doesn’t have the papers before then. Maybe he knows this and is trying to but time. He is packed and boxes stacked in the garage. His own foo has said they don’t want him, Yesterday, he tried to get intimate! I told him not to do that and he says I want what I can’t have. Crazy. He told me he had a talk with his counselor and said part of his problem was envy over my retirement. I knew it!! I don’t know for sure but I think he might be drinking. He used the stove last night to cook, when I got up this morning one of the burners was still on...I’m assuming all night. Anyone know how I can hold him to the get out date of sept 9?
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I'm sad to hear he has decided to keep dragging his feet hoping he won't have to leave. I'm quite sure he has no place lined up to go yet thinking and hoping he won't have to.
I don't know where you live, and it varies from state-to-state here in the US and I'm sure is different elsewhere in the world. For my late husband and I, we had to provide his son with 30 days written notice to vacate. Jr was not on the mortgage and that written notice still had to be given and filed with the local magistrate. With that done, if Jr decided to hem and haw about leaving, then we could have the police come and escort him and his belongings from the property.
I don't know where you live, and it varies from state-to-state here in the US and I'm sure is different elsewhere in the world. For my late husband and I, we had to provide his son with 30 days written notice to vacate. Jr was not on the mortgage and that written notice still had to be given and filed with the local magistrate. With that done, if Jr decided to hem and haw about leaving, then we could have the police come and escort him and his belongings from the property.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by Seren 
I'm sad to hear he has decided to keep dragging his feet hoping he won't have to leave. I'm quite sure he has no place lined up to go yet thinking and hoping he won't have to.
I don't know where you live, and it varies from state-to-state here in the US and I'm sure is different elsewhere in the world. For my late husband and I, we had to provide his son with 30 days written notice to vacate. Jr was not on the mortgage and that written notice still had to be given and filed with the local magistrate. With that done, if Jr decided to hem and haw about leaving, then we could have the police come and escort him and his belongings from the property.
I don't know where you live, and it varies from state-to-state here in the US and I'm sure is different elsewhere in the world. For my late husband and I, we had to provide his son with 30 days written notice to vacate. Jr was not on the mortgage and that written notice still had to be given and filed with the local magistrate. With that done, if Jr decided to hem and haw about leaving, then we could have the police come and escort him and his belongings from the property.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,414
Call your lawyer when AH isn’t around and find out what you can do legally to get him evicted if he doesn’t sign. “Next week” is a stall, like the whole thing was. He wanted proximity and a comfy place and rehab was never really the serious, life-changing focus it should have been. It was getting you talked around so he could stay. Still is.
Don’t show your hand here.
Don’t show your hand here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
Call your lawyer when AH isn’t around and find out what you can do legally to get him evicted if he doesn’t sign. “Next week” is a stall, like the whole thing was. He wanted proximity and a comfy place and rehab was never really the serious, life-changing focus it should have been. It was getting you talked around so he could stay. Still is.
Don’t show your hand here.
Don’t show your hand here.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Well...you said yourself that his foo does not want him. He said himself why should he do what you want? He is going to make this difficult, you should expect that.
I hope you do make that call to your attorney.
I hope you do make that call to your attorney.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,414
By the way, you see the smoke rings from his latest excuse that he "envys" your retirement. That might be true, but it isn't the reason or in any way legitimizes his choice to binge drink.
And I suspect your spidey sense is correct about the drinking. My mom nearly killed me twice setting the house on fire by leaving burners / oven on when drunk cooking and passing out.
I was upstairs so naturally got the smoke inhalation / toxic chemical from burning plastic when I was kid. I had to crawl below the smoke out of the room one time, and drag her drunk azz out of bed and outside.
Fortunately the neighbors called the fire department, and they got it out before the whole house went up. But it ruined the kitchen and I felt pretty crappy from breathing that stuff for some time.
I guess my point is, sober people will rarely leave a burner on when they cook. If this only happens with him when he's drinking, chances are that is pretty good circumstantial evidence.
Let us know what the lawyer says, but I suspect AH will at minimum get to stay another 30 days once served because you didn't officially serve him outright.
Hang in there, be calm, and recognize what he is doing isn't loving, caring behavior which is sensitive to your needs. It's about you as a resource at this point. His sweet talk, his passes, his BS "reasons" for using are what you said above, "survival skills".
Get your ruthless ninja gear on, hitch those big-girl panties up higher, and know that you will prevail. . .
And I suspect your spidey sense is correct about the drinking. My mom nearly killed me twice setting the house on fire by leaving burners / oven on when drunk cooking and passing out.
I was upstairs so naturally got the smoke inhalation / toxic chemical from burning plastic when I was kid. I had to crawl below the smoke out of the room one time, and drag her drunk azz out of bed and outside.
Fortunately the neighbors called the fire department, and they got it out before the whole house went up. But it ruined the kitchen and I felt pretty crappy from breathing that stuff for some time.
I guess my point is, sober people will rarely leave a burner on when they cook. If this only happens with him when he's drinking, chances are that is pretty good circumstantial evidence.
Let us know what the lawyer says, but I suspect AH will at minimum get to stay another 30 days once served because you didn't officially serve him outright.
Hang in there, be calm, and recognize what he is doing isn't loving, caring behavior which is sensitive to your needs. It's about you as a resource at this point. His sweet talk, his passes, his BS "reasons" for using are what you said above, "survival skills".
Get your ruthless ninja gear on, hitch those big-girl panties up higher, and know that you will prevail. . .
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by trailmix
Just a question, you mentioned he might be envious that you are retired now, have you ever discussed/mentioned it to him before?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Dazed.....rent him a room in the local long term motel.....sell something, if you have to....change the locks while he is gone. Give him the number of the local county social services and the address of the local shelter.....
This is if you are really serious....
The hardest thing is to accept that it is over...for both parties....
This is if you are really serious....
The hardest thing is to accept that it is over...for both parties....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by dandylion
Dazed.....rent him a room in the local long term motel.....sell something, if you have to....change the locks while he is gone. Give him the number of the local county social services and the address of the local shelter.....
This is if you are really serious....
The hardest thing is to accept that it is over...for both parties....
This is if you are really serious....
The hardest thing is to accept that it is over...for both parties....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,617
Originally Posted by Dazedandconfus
oh yes. It was a big convo. For a year before...wait my retirement or his envy?
Good for you for changing the locks. Hold your boundary.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
We will see about that. Spoke with lawyer, he says I can go ahead and submit papers unsigned and get divorced. AH however could come back later and restart the whole thing saying he didn’t sign. This is a mess
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,617
This makes no sense, are you sure your lawyer knows what they are talking about??
(disclaimer: I am not a lawyer lol).
As long as he has been served then there has to be a provision for him refusing to sign (respond), a legal provision.
Unless you live in some backwater without real laws!
- Person files for divorce >> respondent is served papers >> they have X amount of time to respond. If they don't respond you can file that they have not responded and the case proceeds.
Once that is filed there are no "do overs" - it proceeds whether he says he signed it, was thinking about signing it, the dog ate it or he buried it under the sprinkler system.
These laws are in place for situations like yours, otherwise there would be thousands of divorces pending a husband or wife deciding whether or not to sign a piece of paper.
(disclaimer: I am not a lawyer lol).
As long as he has been served then there has to be a provision for him refusing to sign (respond), a legal provision.
Unless you live in some backwater without real laws!
- Person files for divorce >> respondent is served papers >> they have X amount of time to respond. If they don't respond you can file that they have not responded and the case proceeds.
Once that is filed there are no "do overs" - it proceeds whether he says he signed it, was thinking about signing it, the dog ate it or he buried it under the sprinkler system.
These laws are in place for situations like yours, otherwise there would be thousands of divorces pending a husband or wife deciding whether or not to sign a piece of paper.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
