Feeling of shock and serenity
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 94
Feeling of shock and serenity
I've been reading Lundy Bancroft's book, "Why Does He Do That?", and listening to "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans; both are fantastic.
Evens was just talking about feeling shock and serenity. There are so many things to be shocked about and not just with my current marriage. I see a pattern within myself where I have not taken heed to red flags and instead justified them. Each time things became progressively worse and I found myself a victim of someone else's behavior.
The difference this time is that I'm aware. This is where my serenity comes in because I have the power to not allow someone else to dictate who I am and how I feel. This is all over simplified but makes much sense to me. I'm thankful that I've recognized what is happening in my home, who is responsible (NOT ME!) for the behavior and what I can do to change my circumstance, and hopefully not repeat it again.
I've set up an appointment with a therapist who specializes in abusive relationships. I'm going to a friends home tonight that was formally a therapist to have dinner. My husband will come home and there will be no dinner made because we need to eat the leftovers or fresh juice for him in the refrigerator. I know this could be something that sets him off, but his anger and negative controlling behavior is not my problem.
I'm done crying. I'm done being told I'm a typical hysterical woman. I'm done being told I'm an overly sensitive ball of wires. I'm done thinking that if I could just rephrase what I'm saying that he will get it because he won't and attempts to get him to understand me only fuel the crazy making. He understands. All of my crying, being upset, yelling back, blah, blah, blah, are his thrill.
Instead, I will pack a bag and my dog and go to my dad's. This is bull. I'm over the shock and I feel serene because I know who I am.
Evens was just talking about feeling shock and serenity. There are so many things to be shocked about and not just with my current marriage. I see a pattern within myself where I have not taken heed to red flags and instead justified them. Each time things became progressively worse and I found myself a victim of someone else's behavior.
The difference this time is that I'm aware. This is where my serenity comes in because I have the power to not allow someone else to dictate who I am and how I feel. This is all over simplified but makes much sense to me. I'm thankful that I've recognized what is happening in my home, who is responsible (NOT ME!) for the behavior and what I can do to change my circumstance, and hopefully not repeat it again.
I've set up an appointment with a therapist who specializes in abusive relationships. I'm going to a friends home tonight that was formally a therapist to have dinner. My husband will come home and there will be no dinner made because we need to eat the leftovers or fresh juice for him in the refrigerator. I know this could be something that sets him off, but his anger and negative controlling behavior is not my problem.
I'm done crying. I'm done being told I'm a typical hysterical woman. I'm done being told I'm an overly sensitive ball of wires. I'm done thinking that if I could just rephrase what I'm saying that he will get it because he won't and attempts to get him to understand me only fuel the crazy making. He understands. All of my crying, being upset, yelling back, blah, blah, blah, are his thrill.
Instead, I will pack a bag and my dog and go to my dad's. This is bull. I'm over the shock and I feel serene because I know who I am.
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by Teehee 
I've been reading Lundy Bancroft's book, "Why Does He Do That?", and listening to "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans; both are fantastic.
Evens was just talking about feeling shock and serenity. There are so many things to be shocked about and not just with my current marriage. I see a pattern within myself where I have not taken heed to red flags and instead justified them. Each time things became progressively worse and I found myself a victim of someone else's behavior.
The difference this time is that I'm aware. This is where my serenity comes in because I have the power to not allow someone else to dictate who I am and how I feel. This is all over simplified but makes much sense to me. I'm thankful that I've recognized what is happening in my home, who is responsible (NOT ME!) for the behavior and what I can do to change my circumstance, and hopefully not repeat it again.
I've set up an appointment with a therapist who specializes in abusive relationships. I'm going to a friends home tonight that was formally a therapist to have dinner. My husband will come home and there will be no dinner made because we need to eat the leftovers or fresh juice for him in the refrigerator. I know this could be something that sets him off, but his anger and negative controlling behavior is not my problem.
I'm done crying. I'm done being told I'm a typical hysterical woman. I'm done being told I'm an overly sensitive ball of wires. I'm done thinking that if I could just rephrase what I'm saying that he will get it because he won't and attempts to get him to understand me only fuel the crazy making. He understands. All of my crying, being upset, yelling back, blah, blah, blah, are his thrill.
Instead, I will pack a bag and my dog and go to my dad's. This is bull. I'm over the shock and I feel serene because I know who I am.
Evens was just talking about feeling shock and serenity. There are so many things to be shocked about and not just with my current marriage. I see a pattern within myself where I have not taken heed to red flags and instead justified them. Each time things became progressively worse and I found myself a victim of someone else's behavior.
The difference this time is that I'm aware. This is where my serenity comes in because I have the power to not allow someone else to dictate who I am and how I feel. This is all over simplified but makes much sense to me. I'm thankful that I've recognized what is happening in my home, who is responsible (NOT ME!) for the behavior and what I can do to change my circumstance, and hopefully not repeat it again.
I've set up an appointment with a therapist who specializes in abusive relationships. I'm going to a friends home tonight that was formally a therapist to have dinner. My husband will come home and there will be no dinner made because we need to eat the leftovers or fresh juice for him in the refrigerator. I know this could be something that sets him off, but his anger and negative controlling behavior is not my problem.
I'm done crying. I'm done being told I'm a typical hysterical woman. I'm done being told I'm an overly sensitive ball of wires. I'm done thinking that if I could just rephrase what I'm saying that he will get it because he won't and attempts to get him to understand me only fuel the crazy making. He understands. All of my crying, being upset, yelling back, blah, blah, blah, are his thrill.
Instead, I will pack a bag and my dog and go to my dad's. This is bull. I'm over the shock and I feel serene because I know who I am.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
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Good for you!
Just be very, very careful. You might want to run this by the DV people...maybe better to just do it all at once and leave rather than have him go all angry tonight?
You know him...you know how threatened he is by the thought you might leave. An act of what he may perceive as defiance may tip your hand?
Again, I would ask the experts. Please keep your phone close at hand at all times, yes?
Be safe, above all else.
Just be very, very careful. You might want to run this by the DV people...maybe better to just do it all at once and leave rather than have him go all angry tonight?
You know him...you know how threatened he is by the thought you might leave. An act of what he may perceive as defiance may tip your hand?
Again, I would ask the experts. Please keep your phone close at hand at all times, yes?
Be safe, above all else.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
I worry for you tonight as well.
That aside, I'm really relieved. I was definitely concerned about you teehee.
Yes, you can do this and I am so glad you are. You are a courageous person and he just pushed you to your breaking point.
And you have set up an appointment with a therapist! Actions, just amazing. Well done.
Stay safe and keep us in the loop. We are here for you too.
That aside, I'm really relieved. I was definitely concerned about you teehee.
Yes, you can do this and I am so glad you are. You are a courageous person and he just pushed you to your breaking point.
And you have set up an appointment with a therapist! Actions, just amazing. Well done.
Stay safe and keep us in the loop. We are here for you too.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Sending you loads of support! Good for you! I am SO GLAD that you will be seeing a therapist to help you through this maize of feelings. You are strong, and you deserve more!!!
We are here to walk this with you. Stay safe!
We are here to walk this with you. Stay safe!
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