3 weeks sober
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 210
Originally Posted by GMA345 
Hardest part is my husband didn’t know about my addiction and now that he found out my marriage is in shambles and the sadness and hurt makes me want to take a pill or drink
3 weeks is great by the way
I'm also 3 weeks sober 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 9
Thank you I wish my husband was more supportive but he feels betrayed bc I hid my addiction really well and he had no idea so he’s hurt. I am proud of myself I went through the withdrawals at home and it wasn’t fun but I’m on my way to a better life now
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Welcome, GMA. I hid my drinking from my husband too. Also, my co-workers & everyone else in my life. Those who judge us just don't understand how complicated it is, and the hell that we go through. That's why I love being here at SR - where everyone understands and tries to help.
Be proud that you recognized the problem and got yourself free. Some never own up to it - and go their whole lives trying to manage it. Congratulations on your hard-earned 3 weeks. We're so glad you're here.
Be proud that you recognized the problem and got yourself free. Some never own up to it - and go their whole lives trying to manage it. Congratulations on your hard-earned 3 weeks. We're so glad you're here.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
GMA, massive congratulations for the 3 weeks alcohol free.
I also hid from my husband. Astonishingly he did not know. I am still trying to digest that fact. How could he not notice? How far away are we from each other? Obviously, I am greatly to blame for the distance. Only distance could help the hiding. Still, I would have noticed if he was getting drunk every night and having blackouts several times in a month. He didn't. So you may feel a bit betrayed too.
However, if my husband had hidden from me something this big I would be really really upset and probably beyond angry. This is worse than a sexual affair in my view. The many lies, the money, the energy... The many travels where he left me in charge of our children trusting he was leaving a responsible adult behind. The two times he has been really worried I had a heart problem/serious health issues due to my crazy anxiety if I exceeded my 'normal' intake... I could go on and on.
I expected him to walk away. He didn't. He has not expressed any anger. I don't think this is very healthy either. While I highly appreciate his support and that he considers my sobriety more important than his feelings, I am expecting this to come up one way or another.
In my view, it is pretty healthy that your husband is showing his own emotions. It is a betrayal, particularly when the person betrayed is not an addict. How can they understand you put your addiction above your most basic instinct of survival (including food or your family)?
Keep focused on not drinking and probably on being honest with your husband, accepting that your relationship might have suffered some damage that needs repairing when you are both ready.
I also hid from my husband. Astonishingly he did not know. I am still trying to digest that fact. How could he not notice? How far away are we from each other? Obviously, I am greatly to blame for the distance. Only distance could help the hiding. Still, I would have noticed if he was getting drunk every night and having blackouts several times in a month. He didn't. So you may feel a bit betrayed too.
However, if my husband had hidden from me something this big I would be really really upset and probably beyond angry. This is worse than a sexual affair in my view. The many lies, the money, the energy... The many travels where he left me in charge of our children trusting he was leaving a responsible adult behind. The two times he has been really worried I had a heart problem/serious health issues due to my crazy anxiety if I exceeded my 'normal' intake... I could go on and on.
I expected him to walk away. He didn't. He has not expressed any anger. I don't think this is very healthy either. While I highly appreciate his support and that he considers my sobriety more important than his feelings, I am expecting this to come up one way or another.
In my view, it is pretty healthy that your husband is showing his own emotions. It is a betrayal, particularly when the person betrayed is not an addict. How can they understand you put your addiction above your most basic instinct of survival (including food or your family)?
Keep focused on not drinking and probably on being honest with your husband, accepting that your relationship might have suffered some damage that needs repairing when you are both ready.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
You say "only" 3 weeks? That is a huge accomplishment...I have about 4 weeks...1 month today....and it is a huge accomplishment....
Never minimize the work that you are doing....Congratulations on 3 weeks!
Never minimize the work that you are doing....Congratulations on 3 weeks!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Welcome to the family. 
Three weeks is a great start. Stay sober and work to be your best self. 
When I started out, my kids hated me and didn't trust me. Now our relationships are better than ever. Time and sobriety can work things out.
Three weeks is a great start. Stay sober and work to be your best self. When I started out, my kids hated me and didn't trust me. Now our relationships are better than ever. Time and sobriety can work things out. Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Congratulations on your sobriety!
Do you have a support plan and/or recovery system to make use of, beyond SR? The greater the support network the stronger my recovery has been. Not alcoholic, simply I relate very much.
Good luck on your recovery journey!
Do you have a support plan and/or recovery system to make use of, beyond SR? The greater the support network the stronger my recovery has been. Not alcoholic, simply I relate very much.
Good luck on your recovery journey!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 9
Thank you all for your support. Tomorrow is my birthday and for the first time in my life I’m not excited about it. Birthdays have always been a big deal in my house I make sure everyone has cake and presents. With my husband barely speaking to me I’m not sure what my birthday will look like this year😥. I know I will be sober and probably sad.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Life changes. Birthday celebrations can, too. What's for dinner on your birthday is a great place to put focus: yummy food, an environment without alcohol and your choice in doing new, healthy things for your life. You deserve this!!
Alcoholism is non-discriminatory. You've started on a journey in awareness, healthy actions and knowing yourself in ways that can benefit you each day. This is great and deserves recognition.
It's your choice to view this as sad or happy.
Kudos to you for choosing recovery!
Alcoholism is non-discriminatory. You've started on a journey in awareness, healthy actions and knowing yourself in ways that can benefit you each day. This is great and deserves recognition.
It's your choice to view this as sad or happy.
Kudos to you for choosing recovery!
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Btw - I've seen and experienced great changes in birthday celebrations. It's much easier with accepting things have to change if I'm going to change my own thoughts, habits and inner beliefs.
To value "this day" greatly each and every day allows new ways of experiencing life.
"With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts. - Eleanor Roosevelt
To value "this day" greatly each and every day allows new ways of experiencing life.
"With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts. - Eleanor Roosevelt
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
It's okay to be sad or whatever you feel. I've spent many birthdays with no one to notice. It's okay.
The only way all of this gets better, from your moods to your husband's acceptance is by staying sober. A pill or a drink won't fix any of this.
Hang on. It's hard but it's worth it.
The only way all of this gets better, from your moods to your husband's acceptance is by staying sober. A pill or a drink won't fix any of this.
Hang on. It's hard but it's worth it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 9
I am committed completely to staying clean from opiates and alcohol it’s just very hard without my husbands support. We have been married 17yrs and together for 20. I have support of friends and my sister but not having his is killing me inside
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