FreshStartOk

I did get over a month sober, but bought a bottle of wine for the evening, which turned into two more. Two days later and lots of money gone I'm at day one.

It's sort of mad too, because I like being sober more than being drunk. I guess what I'm asking is what makes long term sober people not drink? I suppose I have to admit I'm never going to moderate this.

Dee74

Hi FreshstartOK

A few things for me I guess.

One is I absolutely accept my addiction and I think and act accordingly.

I can't moderate my drinking, no matter what the occasion, place, company or the way I'm feeling.

I believe I will always drink alcohol to the point of self destruction or the point of losing things and people I hold dear.

The second thing is I've built myself a life based and predicated on me being sober, and staying that way.

The third thing is I was emotionally and physically exhausted trying to drink. I didn't want to live that way one more second, and every choice I've made since reflects that desire.

There's no such thing as being a little bit in recovery. for me. I'm either in or out...not a little bit each way.

I am totally committed.

Either my wish to be in recovery informs my every decision, no matter how small...or it doesn't.'

It's not always easy, especially in the first few months - but I threw myself on the collective wisdom and support here a lot of times.

D

decchemist

You did well for the month. Why did it go wrong? You thought you could moderate?

You have to truly believe (and accept) that moderation is impossible. You also need to do something every day to stay sober. It's not onerous and in fact it can be very enjoyable. I really look forward to my weekly recovery group (SMART). I also come on SR every day, sometimes for 10 mins, sometimes a couple of hours. You need to have a plan for you.

doggonecarl

If you want long term sobriety, you have to think long term...like never drinking again. Accepting it. Committing to it. Then doing everything in your power to support that decision.

I've found the longer I'm sober, the more normal "not drinking" is.

FreshStartOk

Yes basically, truthfully I've always got in the back of my mind I can beat it. I just can't though. Robin Williams who talked about his addiction said it's like standing on a cliff with a voice in your head saying you can fly.

I mean no one chooses to be addicted. Another comedian I can't remember the name of said if they could drink they would. I guess I've got to work on rewiring the way I think about it. Thanks all anyway.

Dee74

There is a life after recovery,

Not sure who you were quoting but if I could drink I wouldn't.

I gained so much since finding recovery...and all I have to do is not drink?
Sign me up

I've worked hard to get to that point, but like someone said above it's not an onerous task to work for the life you want and the rewards that come from that. You can do this too FSO

D

entropy1964

I know it won't work. Period. There is no release. There is no fun. There is only darkness and possibly death.

I know I can't moderate. Hell I don't even want to. I drink to get drunk. But whatever it is I'm drinking over or at will still be there, with additional problems, when I'm no longer drunk.

So I can 'think' about drinking. That's kinda what I do. I 'think' about a lot of things, but I don't necessarily act on them. When I teach my addiction that I'm not going to listen to it, it stops piping up. The more times I don't act on impulses, the more I reinforce mentally that I have other options and other ways of coping. I wanted a milk shake last night, but I didn't get one. Its really the same thing.

It takes times. A lot more time than a month.

ColoradoRocky

It sure sounds like it to me. No big deal, though; once you stop fighting it, you're on your way.

Tailai

The realization that you can’t control your drinking, that moderation will eventually lead to drinking all day, every day. That this is no way to live, shaking, feeling awful, looking awful. Isolation. Shattered relationships. Eventual irreversible liver disease. The belief that a better sober life is possible that starts with today & continues each day thereafter. Learning to adjust to inevitable down times with positive thinking, which is much, much easier with the clear head that comes from sobriety.

BeABetterMan

WeThinkNot

As a kid I loved going to the pool in the summertime. I would get to the edge of the pool where the stairs are with the bright hot sun in my face and dip my toe in...yikes how can this water be so frigid when it's so hot outside? So instead of having fun at the pool it would take me forever to dip my feet in...then my legs...then my stomach...then my chest...them my arms...wait about ten more minutes and then dunk my head in.

With that analogy in mind, my opinion is that in sobriety you need to make a sprint and do a cannonball right into that frigid pool.

I have relapsed twice in the past as part of my journey. It wasn't so much that I wanted to stop drinking then but rather that I magically wanted to stop suffering the ill effects while making zero changes to my life. Hanging out with the same people, doing the same things, keeping the same perspective. That's why sobriety didn't stick for me in the past.

When I got sober for the last time I was determined to change absolutely everything in my life. No more dipping my toes it was time to do a cannonball into that mofo. Change is hard, I was absolutely terrified. I've shed many friends from my life, some stretching back from childhood. I've changed my routines and the things that are fun to me today are the things I would have considered lame in the past. Most importantly I've changed my entire outlook on life and this great big beautiful world of ours.

As the days go by and you slowly incorporate changes into your life you begin to find that they become part of your new identity in sobriety. That's what happened for me. The guy I am today is so fundamentally different than the guy I was then that I'm not sure we even share the same DNA.

Things like cravings and triggers are alien concepts to me. Regarding the question "would I drink if I could?" the idea of drinking alcohol is something that doesn't even compute in my brain anymore.

When you jump into that pool it's frigid only for a little bit. Then that water is cool and refreshing.

columbus

"As a kid I loved going to the pool in the summertime. I would get to the edge of the pool where the stairs are with the bright hot sun in my face and dip my toe in...yikes how can this water be so frigid when it's so hot outside? So instead of having fun at the pool it would take me forever to dip my feet in...then my legs...then my stomach...then my chest...them my arms...wait about ten more minutes and then dunk my head in."

Beautiful, beautiful post.

Thanks.

FreshStartOk

What are you guys thoughts on moderation? There are some very controversial school of thoughts and people who teach it.

I tend to unfortunately think once an alcoholic always an alcoholic. It started with AA in early last century, and I think it sticks because it's overwhelmingly true.

Just a thought with long term sobriety in mind.

columbus

"What are you guys thoughts on moderation?"


ain't
gonna
work

WeThinkNot

I suppose there could be a possibility that I would be able to moderate my drinking these days. Unfortunately I am a proud non-drinker so I don't get the opportunity to put the possibility to the test.

dcg

I've tapered many times to avoid withdrawal successfully, so I think I could do it if I really wanted to, but I don't like to just drink one or two - I like to stay lit for several hours for a drinking session and kick it off with 4 shots at once, so just less hassle to abstain.

BackandScared

I am guessing your idea of 'moderation' means binge drinking once in a while rather than a beer 3 times a week. I know this is what I wanted (still would take if available) the many times I tried moderation.

Nobody here wants to drink everyday compulsively. Every person abusing alcohol would like to abuse it moderately (the contradiction is self-explanatory). I don't know anybody with a drink problem who wants to get wasted all the time. Just from time to time.

If your real dream is to drink only one beer, you might be able to work on that dream successfully. I believe everybody can do this. Among other things, because one beer will not get you drunk. If the issue is that you can't take one beer, that the thought of one beer only is worse than no beer at all, you have your answer.

BackandScared

Have reread this several times. Very helpful in many ways.

tomsteve

i have 2 thoughts on it at this moment:
1- I suppose I have to admit I'm never going to moderate this.
2- people that can moderate dont ask other peoples thoughts on it. they dont have a problem and end up on sober recovery.

CupofJoe

How do I manage long term sobriety?
Like others have said, I accept it. I can't drink again, no matter what. Was it easy to get there? No, I fought it for a long time. I finally got beaten down enough to where I had to accept that I had to change or I wasn't going to make it. People can accept this at any point--we all have our own paths, but ultimately, we all came to accept that we can't drink again.

Moderation?
I thought moderation meant drinking to the point where I could still function the next day. I've never been able to moderate. One or two glasses a night? No more than three nights a week? Ha! That was never going to happen.

I wasn't "taught" this by anyone else. I learned it the hard way: through experience. Long before I had tried to find recovery, I had already learned the hard lessons of addiction.

The good news is that through acceptance, a much better world can open up. Occasionally I have thoughts of drinking, but they're like gnats. Annoying but harmless. I am relieved at the idea that I never have to drink again. I truly love being sober. It's liberating.

Best wishes to you.