Update on XABF

Old 08-23-2019, 02:59 PM
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Update on XABF

I say X because he is now sitting in county jail looking at domestic battery charges. Monday evening he was drunk, loud, and belligerent and became physical with me, I had no other choice than to call police. While I had him locked out of the house on the patio he threw a patio chair into the pool and attempted to break the patio glass door.

After meeting with the states attorney the recommendation from the state will be “drug court”. I’m fine with that but he will be homeless unless he can find a shelter or halfway house and he will soon be without a vehicle should he not find a job and pay his car payment. I have a temporary injunction to keep him from coming back to my house. The police advised it since he “resides” at my house and Florida law is contradictory with DV charges being heavy handed but tenant rights being soft.

I have packed all all his clothing, shoes, toiletries and office stuff. He will have to come by with a deputy to pick up his belongings and car.

DV arrests with injuries are mandatory 5 days in county jail. Tonight makes it the fifth night.

For any newcomers to this forum please heed the advise given and don’t believe it can’t happen to you, that yours has never shown violent tendencies or it’s only verbal abuse. All I can say is I’m thankful the police nor the state attorney didn’t feel it necessary to have DCF get involved. This is already a mess, with a lot of court dates and paper work and anxiety over not knowing what will become of XABF.

The states attorney did say what becomes of him is his own doing and it is out of my hands now.
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Old 08-23-2019, 03:16 PM
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You said it correctly about escalating abuse. My AH literally broke 4 windows by throwing a concrete stepping stone thru the window then bashed the rest of it. He was verbally abusive but never tgat until this last Binge. Please keep yourself safe. Good on you for getting the injunction. I was simply told “it’s his house he can break the windows if he wants to .” Sheesh. Divorce pending....
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Old 08-23-2019, 04:23 PM
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Oh gosh, Schne, I hope you’re doing okay. Be strong and don’t feel sorry for him. I’m 17 months from having mine removed by the police and went through violations of the restraining order; it was shitful. My state allows a Judge to have an abuser evicted from the residence and that really saved me. Also, if you are asked about a plea agreement and get to have input, don’t be sold by what a prosecutor tells you—lesson learned. Say what you feel and don’t go along just because the prosecutor tells you what *might* happen or what is common. Take care of you..
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Old 08-23-2019, 05:52 PM
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put his stuff IN the car so there is no need for him to step any foot farther on the property or get near you. leave the keys in the potted plant on the porch, unless he has them already. do not confront. go inside, lock the door.

press forward on any and all legal protections at your avail.

i'm sorry this happened. any time someone says - well he never <<fill in the blank>> it is always wise to add YET.

stay safe hon.
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Old 08-23-2019, 06:03 PM
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What a traumatic thing to go through Schne, I hope you are physically ok (I know the mental trauma will take time to heal).

I assume you have changed all your locks etc

Is there a way to make the temporary injunction an actual restraining order?
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Old 08-23-2019, 07:01 PM
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The injunction is a restraining order, barring him from any contact and awarding me with exclusive rights to my house. It’s my house, my mortgage and my bills and utilities, he only gets mail here and his drivers license lists my address. I will never allow anyone to ever move in with me again.

I’m fine, aside from a bit shocked. His stuff is in the very front of garage, once deputies contact me with a day and time he would like to pick up then I will move stuff to his vehicle.

I have no control over the DV charges, Florida states attorney chooses prosecution and penalty, which is a good and bad thing. I see why because enough people must have had lots of change of hearts after the initial cooling off period to want to drop charges.

So all the mixed emotions of guilt, shame, fear and sadness all at the same time over the outcome of his behavior is one for the books I tell ya. Not wanting to have someone’s life jacked by DV charges that will follow him for life but then not wanting to allow someone to physically violate me. Strange emotions indeed.
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Old 08-23-2019, 07:15 PM
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I totally understand that actually. Just because his behaviour was horrendous, does not mean you stop caring about a human being immediately.

Oh if it were that easy.

Having to go to jail, having those charges may well actually be doing him a favour, or if not him, someone else. Maybe, just maybe, next time he feels himself getting enraged he will walk out the front door and scream at the sky, instead of attacking another person. One can hope.

It would have been good if they had also added anger management to the recommendations.

Perhaps these consequences will help him in the long run. I really do hope so.
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Old 08-23-2019, 11:05 PM
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I agree with anvil.
Put his stuff in the car now. Is it possible to leave the keys at the police station and the car somewhere else so its off your shoulders?
You are awesome for being strong and calling the police.
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