He can snap out of it
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He can snap out of it
I've been confiding in AH's ex-best friend for over a year now ( I say ex, as that friendship is seriously on the rocks too).
It's been really helpful and we have a clear understanding about confidentiality. And im not at all interested in him if you're wondering. He said to me he thinks AH could just snap out of this and get his drinking under control if he really wanted to.
if a miracle occurred and lightning struck and he did snap out of it, I'm just not sure I want to be around for the recovery phase. Oh wait...there wouldn't be the need for one!! Yippee!!
just glad all of you understand, when others don't always know how complex A is. I wanted to say how grateful I am for your support. 💛
It's been really helpful and we have a clear understanding about confidentiality. And im not at all interested in him if you're wondering. He said to me he thinks AH could just snap out of this and get his drinking under control if he really wanted to.
if a miracle occurred and lightning struck and he did snap out of it, I'm just not sure I want to be around for the recovery phase. Oh wait...there wouldn't be the need for one!! Yippee!!
just glad all of you understand, when others don't always know how complex A is. I wanted to say how grateful I am for your support. 💛
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Wombaticus, I'm glad you have someone to confide in. The only way AH he will snap out of it is if he wants to get help. Lighting might help but the odd are not in you favor. I'm glad we can be here for you.
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Certainly sounds like your AH and my AH have the same exBF.... Also, even though there were no bad intentions, our talking turned into a nightmare for both of us! But seriously, once I asked my AH friend "what happens next" and he said you let him come home, sleep it off and carry on like you always do.
ouch.
This is when I realized that it was ME that needed to change. I am still working that out (and failing daily but still learning).
ouch.
This is when I realized that it was ME that needed to change. I am still working that out (and failing daily but still learning).
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Trailmix, you said some words in D&C's post (about being sent to Nepal ), that I tried to copy to here so I didnt derail that conversation, but couldn't copy.
You talked about the long term changes alcohol has on a person and that's why the 'snap out if it' scenario won't work. That's why the comment for AH's exBF was difficult to hear - because not everyone out their understands, and I don't want the job of educating others about alcohol. That's what public health organisations are for
I just dont know if I have the energy for the coming years with AH, even if he stops drinking and hops on the road to recovery ...for those reasons you said. 'For better or worse' doesn't mean 'any manner of s@^& that people choose to fling at you'. I love him, i care for him, and I worry for him. But I can't fix him.
You talked about the long term changes alcohol has on a person and that's why the 'snap out if it' scenario won't work. That's why the comment for AH's exBF was difficult to hear - because not everyone out their understands, and I don't want the job of educating others about alcohol. That's what public health organisations are for
I just dont know if I have the energy for the coming years with AH, even if he stops drinking and hops on the road to recovery ...for those reasons you said. 'For better or worse' doesn't mean 'any manner of s@^& that people choose to fling at you'. I love him, i care for him, and I worry for him. But I can't fix him.
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There is also the "love, honour, cherish" part, is that what you feel you receive?
No, you can't fix him and yes, you only need to read Dazed and Confused's thread to see the reality of it.
There are no guarantees, even in sobriety, of anyone really changing, like in teehee's threads. Other things can come out, you just don't know.
Frankly - and I mean this. Of the alcoholics I have known, they were actually nicer when they were drinking than when they were "sober".
Now I do want to put in a disclaimer here to anyone who is an alcoholic and reading this. That is just my experience, that does not mean I think all alcoholics should remain drinkers forever so they can be "nice". It's just my experience and nothing more.
I only say that to back up the "no guarantee" thing. Now, maybe if any of them had gone on to recovery, I wouldn't be saying that, but I have never seen anyone actually get in to recovery successfully.
But I also think there are options, it's not all black and white. I think separation can be an option, no need to be in the fire (or actually go to Nepal) while someone is attempting recovery, they don't need a front row cheering squad and that is not your responsibility anyway.
Patience is required, a see how it goes outlook.
It's not ideal, but neither is alcoholism.
No, you can't fix him and yes, you only need to read Dazed and Confused's thread to see the reality of it.
There are no guarantees, even in sobriety, of anyone really changing, like in teehee's threads. Other things can come out, you just don't know.
Frankly - and I mean this. Of the alcoholics I have known, they were actually nicer when they were drinking than when they were "sober".
Now I do want to put in a disclaimer here to anyone who is an alcoholic and reading this. That is just my experience, that does not mean I think all alcoholics should remain drinkers forever so they can be "nice". It's just my experience and nothing more.
I only say that to back up the "no guarantee" thing. Now, maybe if any of them had gone on to recovery, I wouldn't be saying that, but I have never seen anyone actually get in to recovery successfully.
But I also think there are options, it's not all black and white. I think separation can be an option, no need to be in the fire (or actually go to Nepal) while someone is attempting recovery, they don't need a front row cheering squad and that is not your responsibility anyway.
Patience is required, a see how it goes outlook.
It's not ideal, but neither is alcoholism.
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Join Date: Jan 2019
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Originally Posted by trailmix 
There is also the "love, honour, cherish" part, is that what you feel you receive?
No, you can't fix him and yes, you only need to read Dazed and Confused's thread to see the reality of it.
There are no guarantees, even in sobriety, of anyone really changing, like in teehee's threads. Other things can come out, you just don't know.
Frankly - and I mean this. Of the alcoholics I have known, they were actually nicer when they were drinking than when they were "sober".
Now I do want to put in a disclaimer here to anyone who is an alcoholic and reading this. That is just my experience, that does not mean I think all alcoholics should remain drinkers forever so they can be "nice". It's just my experience and nothing more.
I only say that to back up the "no guarantee" thing. Now, maybe if any of them had gone on to recovery, I wouldn't be saying that, but I have never seen anyone actually get in to recovery successfully.
But I also think there are options, it's not all black and white. I think separation can be an option, no need to be in the fire (or actually go to Nepal) while someone is attempting recovery, they don't need a front row cheering squad and that is not your responsibility anyway.
Patience is required, a see how it goes outlook.
It's not ideal, but neither is alcoholism.
No, you can't fix him and yes, you only need to read Dazed and Confused's thread to see the reality of it.
There are no guarantees, even in sobriety, of anyone really changing, like in teehee's threads. Other things can come out, you just don't know.
Frankly - and I mean this. Of the alcoholics I have known, they were actually nicer when they were drinking than when they were "sober".
Now I do want to put in a disclaimer here to anyone who is an alcoholic and reading this. That is just my experience, that does not mean I think all alcoholics should remain drinkers forever so they can be "nice". It's just my experience and nothing more.
I only say that to back up the "no guarantee" thing. Now, maybe if any of them had gone on to recovery, I wouldn't be saying that, but I have never seen anyone actually get in to recovery successfully.
But I also think there are options, it's not all black and white. I think separation can be an option, no need to be in the fire (or actually go to Nepal) while someone is attempting recovery, they don't need a front row cheering squad and that is not your responsibility anyway.
Patience is required, a see how it goes outlook.
It's not ideal, but neither is alcoholism.
My eyes are open.
I stood up for myself earlier this week, telling him i felt like he was pushing us away, and he didnt seem to like us being around. Response: stone cold silence for about 2 mins, then a question about why i had got upset in a cafe 3 months ago. And during this very heated discussion, i could think very clearly, and i was not afraid to speak up. I no longer have anything to lose.
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