Misssy2

relapse.....That was stupid....Look at all the time you HAD....You drank over something silly like that?

I told about 3 people in real life today that I had a strong urge to drink today when I lost something. .None of the people I told were alcoholics.

Their responses were proof.

NO, that is not anything to drink over...
Your just looking for an excuse...
That would be stupid after almost 60 days...
Wouldn't you feel terrible about yourself?...

Dismissive...dismissive and more dismissive no acknowledgement, love or concern regarding the emotional and somewhat physical strain I was going thru today of coping with my panicky feelings on a sober level.

But when I come on websites like this as I did this morning..that is where the support is...because the alcoholic will say....

Of course this is hard for you because you are used to numbing your feelings...

And you did a great job today getting thru your cravings!

When you are struggling wanting to drink....over something that is 'seemingly" minor to others....

You usually won't hear those types of comments from someone who is non alcoholic only will hear that stuff in these forums .

Thanks to all that posted today when I was struggling...I am better now and I found my FREAKING TEETH!

SoberRican

It takes one to know one. Nothing is minor for us sick folks. Thus thats the reason for a response like that from one of us. 😃 if that makes any sense to ya

D122y

I don't talk about drinking much outside of here. Unless the person gave up drinking like I did.

The whole topic is pointless with an active addict or a drinker yet to realize their problem.

Only addicts can relate.

Thanks.

Hodd

Misssy2

So true!

Misssy2

I would ask her why she wants you to try a glass of wine? That's like another X boyfriend of mine...thinking I could have one...but I think he liked me better drunk...that is why....I didn't care about anything.

When I got sober....I started with boundaries and rules..lol

AnvilheadII

but don't each of the responses HAVE merit?

Their responses were proof.

NO, that is not anything to drink over...<<true. there is nothing worth drinking over.
Your just looking for an excuse...<<also true, we want some reason, i mean excuse to drink.
That would be stupid after almost 60 days...<<true again! you have worked your tushy off to get those 60 days. now is not the time to mess up all that hard work!
Wouldn't you feel terrible about yourself?...<<well......wouldn't ya?

i get that no one understands an alcoholic like another alcoholic, but that does not mean that non-alcoholics don't have some common sense?

Hodd

G00SEM00SE

tomsteve

its not just non alcoholic response. ive said and typed similar and read it hundreds of times here.
theres truth in every response,too.

is something as small as what you had occur drink worthy?
been proven here and in the rooms that alkies would.
did you ever use an excuse to drink?
been proven here and in the rooms that alkies would.
wouldnt it be stupid to drink over something so frivolous?
been proven here and in the rooms that alkies would.
would you be happy about drinking??
been proven here and in the rooms that alkies wouldnt

reads like yer lookin for a pity party here with

Dismissive...dismissive and more dismissive no acknowledgement, love or concern regarding the emotional and somewhat physical strain I was going thru today of coping with my panicky feelings on a sober level.

i read love in all 4 replies. not everyone is into giving kudos for doing what you,or we, should have been doing our entire lives. people can also care enough to call ya on your BS.


missy, ya typed a month ago about having the "gift" and a change of psyche. any chance that was a pink cloud,it burst, and not the rubber hit the road? what does the program say to do? remove them and look at yourself?

MantaLady

Have to agree with tomsteve, I have seen those phrases used here many times and used them myself. It’s pretty harsh to say that someone who uses those phrases without some big speech on how hard it is is insensitive, uncaring and dismissive. To say that is a dismissive, insensitive and uncaring statement in itself.

Maybe rather than judging, try to understand why you feel this way. Sounds to me that you felt one of your needs wasn’t being met and your reaction to it not being met is to blame the other party. It’s what alcoholics and addicts do, we’re good at it but thinking this way and not taking accountability for how we feel is how we all ended up here in the first place.

I’d say this experience is an opportunity for growth! x

August252015

Non-alcoholics don't get it. Period.
Plenty of alcoholics don't "get it" according to what WE want them to get.

It's completely beside the point. Find people who do support - NOTE: not endorse- your progress. And see if you have what they want.

For me, you better be able to listen when I say things like "why did you drink?" "no is a complete sentence" "there is no such thing as a slip" "trigger is a BS word" "what do YOU think made you choose to drink - more importantly, what are you going to do now?" And one of my ultimates: this will kill you if you don't stop.

Callas

There are many conditions that people suffer from that nobody who is not in a similar condition will get. I think we expect too much from people and in early sobriety one tends to be a bit touchy. Best is to take a deep breath and try and let negative thoughts go.

MyLittleHorsie

They don't get it and that became a tool in my toolbox. I picked it up from the Easyway to Quit smoking. The concept of thinking like a non drinker. It works for me, may not work for others.

tekink

My wife likes to tell me it's just as hard for her to deal with me sobering up as she drinks wine. The way it makes me feel inside is hard to deal with.

On one hand, yeah I was a mess, on the other hand she drinks every day sometimes before noon. Sure she's not slobbering drunk and might not have more than three glasses but still...

I find it outrageous.

Hope1989

Hello,

I think that also depends a lot with the people you are surrounding yourself with. Also, it depends on how you phrase it. But overall, I think you need to be compassionate with yourself, I guess that is the biggest help.

Big hug

Strugglingto

I really like this article. Yes we will not be loved or liked by people who don't "get it". I think it explains things really well...I hate the title but the content is good https://patientslounge.com/mental-health/Is-an-alcoholic-ruining-your-life

SoberCAH

I agree.

Those responses seemed to contain both love and wisdom.

Snowydelrico

I went to an AA meeting once and like here you can talk in a way only an alcoholic would understand.
I told my ex this and she took it as a personal insult.
How can you know if you don’t know.

dpac414

Perhaps this is an ignorant comparison, but I think it can be akin to someone who has never suffered through a death of a close friend or family member attempting to comfort one who has.

You can say all the right things, you can be compassionate and care, but you don't get it. You don't know how it feels, and you won't unless you suffer something similar. The grief sufferer can appreciate the sentiments, but I think there's a special comfort in talking with someone who has been through what you've been through. You know they really truly understand.

So yeah, I think it's important to know that these people are probably coming from a good place and doing what they can to help, but they don't really get it. And that's okay. They don't necessarily have to. Alcoholism and the experiences it brings are a powerful thread between all of us who have suffered. I think it's okay to only want that perspective sometimes.

Just my two cents.