Codependency revision
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Codependency revision
I dont feel the need thankfully to post as much lately but still dip in and out to read the posts. I read one this morning that resonated with me and I decided to listen to Melody Beatties Codependent no more on audiobooks while out for a run.
It was so lovely to hear it again after taking a break from it for a while. (I read it daily last year for months). It reminded me that being codependent doesn't mean I learn about it and then put it down like a book and forget it, but that it is a constant process of recovery that I have been given the gift of being aware about. I have slipped into some old habits lately but I'm aware of them at least.
Also listened to some Ross Rosenberg vids on his take on codependency or self love deficit disorder. I loved how he said the biggest fear of codependent is pathological loneliness, and this can be why we dont speak up, set boundaries and ultimately put up with abusive/bad behaviour and are drawn to narcissists in particular. Often we had one or both narcissistic parents. We were taught to only love ourselves if we made someone else happy (external validation).
The cure he says and I agree is self love abundance. It's a journey, a process and involves relationships where there is mutuality, reciprocity and healthy boundaries. The most important relationship though is with ourselves and healing that block or trauma that causes the codependency in the first place. Then we can realise that being alone doesn't have to mean being lonely. When we realise being alone is better than putting up with abuse, narcissism, addictive behaviours we are on the path.
I haven't bothered dating the last few months and have no interest. I was questioning it recently wondering if something was wrong but perhaps this is a good sign after listening to him. I'm happy enough doing my thing, exercising, yoga meditation, music festival last weekend and other things for me. Being alone doesn't have to mean lonely. I have a long way to go to love myself to my core and work to do but I agree when he says the antidote to codependency or self love deficit disorder is Self Love.
It was so lovely to hear it again after taking a break from it for a while. (I read it daily last year for months). It reminded me that being codependent doesn't mean I learn about it and then put it down like a book and forget it, but that it is a constant process of recovery that I have been given the gift of being aware about. I have slipped into some old habits lately but I'm aware of them at least.
Also listened to some Ross Rosenberg vids on his take on codependency or self love deficit disorder. I loved how he said the biggest fear of codependent is pathological loneliness, and this can be why we dont speak up, set boundaries and ultimately put up with abusive/bad behaviour and are drawn to narcissists in particular. Often we had one or both narcissistic parents. We were taught to only love ourselves if we made someone else happy (external validation).
The cure he says and I agree is self love abundance. It's a journey, a process and involves relationships where there is mutuality, reciprocity and healthy boundaries. The most important relationship though is with ourselves and healing that block or trauma that causes the codependency in the first place. Then we can realise that being alone doesn't have to mean being lonely. When we realise being alone is better than putting up with abuse, narcissism, addictive behaviours we are on the path.
I haven't bothered dating the last few months and have no interest. I was questioning it recently wondering if something was wrong but perhaps this is a good sign after listening to him. I'm happy enough doing my thing, exercising, yoga meditation, music festival last weekend and other things for me. Being alone doesn't have to mean lonely. I have a long way to go to love myself to my core and work to do but I agree when he says the antidote to codependency or self love deficit disorder is Self Love.
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by Glenjo99 
I dont feel the need thankfully to post as much lately but still dip in and out to read the posts. I read one this morning that resonated with me and I decided to listen to Melody Beatties Codependent no more on audiobooks while out for a run.
It was so lovely to hear it again after taking a break from it for a while. (I read it daily last year for months). It reminded me that being codependent doesn't mean I learn about it and then put it down like a book and forget it, but that it is a constant process of recovery that I have been given the gift of being aware about. I have slipped into some old habits lately but I'm aware of them at least.
Also listened to some Ross Rosenberg vids on his take on codependency or self love deficit disorder. I loved how he said the biggest fear of codependent is pathological loneliness, and this can be why we dont speak up, set boundaries and ultimately put up with abusive/bad behaviour and are drawn to narcissists in particular. Often we had one or both narcissistic parents. We were taught to only love ourselves if we made someone else happy (external validation).
The cure he says and I agree is self love abundance. It's a journey, a process and involves relationships where there is mutuality, reciprocity and healthy boundaries. The most important relationship though is with ourselves and healing that block or trauma that causes the codependency in the first place. Then we can realise that being alone doesn't have to mean being lonely. When we realise being alone is better than putting up with abuse, narcissism, addictive behaviours we are on the path.
I haven't bothered dating the last few months and have no interest. I was questioning it recently wondering if something was wrong but perhaps this is a good sign after listening to him. I'm happy enough doing my thing, exercising, yoga meditation, music festival last weekend and other things for me. Being alone doesn't have to mean lonely. I have a long way to go to love myself to my core and work to do but I agree when he says the antidote to codependency or self love deficit disorder is Self Love.
It was so lovely to hear it again after taking a break from it for a while. (I read it daily last year for months). It reminded me that being codependent doesn't mean I learn about it and then put it down like a book and forget it, but that it is a constant process of recovery that I have been given the gift of being aware about. I have slipped into some old habits lately but I'm aware of them at least.
Also listened to some Ross Rosenberg vids on his take on codependency or self love deficit disorder. I loved how he said the biggest fear of codependent is pathological loneliness, and this can be why we dont speak up, set boundaries and ultimately put up with abusive/bad behaviour and are drawn to narcissists in particular. Often we had one or both narcissistic parents. We were taught to only love ourselves if we made someone else happy (external validation).
The cure he says and I agree is self love abundance. It's a journey, a process and involves relationships where there is mutuality, reciprocity and healthy boundaries. The most important relationship though is with ourselves and healing that block or trauma that causes the codependency in the first place. Then we can realise that being alone doesn't have to mean being lonely. When we realise being alone is better than putting up with abuse, narcissism, addictive behaviours we are on the path.
I haven't bothered dating the last few months and have no interest. I was questioning it recently wondering if something was wrong but perhaps this is a good sign after listening to him. I'm happy enough doing my thing, exercising, yoga meditation, music festival last weekend and other things for me. Being alone doesn't have to mean lonely. I have a long way to go to love myself to my core and work to do but I agree when he says the antidote to codependency or self love deficit disorder is Self Love.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,614
I'm happy you are even slightly feeling better about everything GJ.
You might find this interesting:
The Other Side of That Story
"If gaining other people’s approval, guilt or obligation motivate us, likely what we’re doing qualifies us for a read (or re-read) of Codependent Some More. If we’re doing that exact behavior because we want to, because it feels right and because we’ve made a conscious decision to do it, it will likely work out decently.
Whether we take the codependent or lighter road, that behavior will become important in our life. It may bring joy, or we could find a lesson at it when we’re feeling all victimized, used-up, and resentful.
I want to clarify something else about codependency. I dislike the word, can’t stand the sound of it, didn’t invent it and wish another word would have taken its place in the dictionary. The word doesn’t even carry an intonation that speaks to our souls"
https://melodybeattie.com/the-other-side-of-that-story/
You might find this interesting:
The Other Side of That Story
"If gaining other people’s approval, guilt or obligation motivate us, likely what we’re doing qualifies us for a read (or re-read) of Codependent Some More. If we’re doing that exact behavior because we want to, because it feels right and because we’ve made a conscious decision to do it, it will likely work out decently.
Whether we take the codependent or lighter road, that behavior will become important in our life. It may bring joy, or we could find a lesson at it when we’re feeling all victimized, used-up, and resentful.
I want to clarify something else about codependency. I dislike the word, can’t stand the sound of it, didn’t invent it and wish another word would have taken its place in the dictionary. The word doesn’t even carry an intonation that speaks to our souls"
https://melodybeattie.com/the-other-side-of-that-story/
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,355
Originally Posted by trailmix
I'm happy you are even slightly feeling better about everything GJ.
You might find this interesting:
The Other Side of That Story
"If gaining other people’s approval, guilt or obligation motivate us, likely what we’re doing qualifies us for a read (or re-read) of Codependent Some More. If we’re doing that exact behavior because we want to, because it feels right and because we’ve made a conscious decision to do it, it will likely work out decently.
Whether we take the codependent or lighter road, that behavior will become important in our life. It may bring joy, or we could find a lesson at it when we’re feeling all victimized, used-up, and resentful.
I want to clarify something else about codependency. I dislike the word, can’t stand the sound of it, didn’t invent it and wish another word would have taken its place in the dictionary. The word doesn’t even carry an intonation that speaks to our souls"
https://melodybeattie.com/the-other-side-of-that-story/
You might find this interesting:
The Other Side of That Story
"If gaining other people’s approval, guilt or obligation motivate us, likely what we’re doing qualifies us for a read (or re-read) of Codependent Some More. If we’re doing that exact behavior because we want to, because it feels right and because we’ve made a conscious decision to do it, it will likely work out decently.
Whether we take the codependent or lighter road, that behavior will become important in our life. It may bring joy, or we could find a lesson at it when we’re feeling all victimized, used-up, and resentful.
I want to clarify something else about codependency. I dislike the word, can’t stand the sound of it, didn’t invent it and wish another word would have taken its place in the dictionary. The word doesn’t even carry an intonation that speaks to our souls"
https://melodybeattie.com/the-other-side-of-that-story/
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,355
Love After Love
The time will comewhen, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
Derek Walcott
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Originally Posted by Glenjo99
Also listened to some Ross Rosenberg vids on his take on codependency or self love deficit disorder. I loved how he said the biggest fear of codependent is pathological loneliness, and this can be why we dont speak up, set boundaries and ultimately put up with abusive/bad behaviour and are drawn to narcissists in particular. Often we had one or both narcissistic parents. We were taught to only love ourselves if we made someone else happy (external validation).
The cure he says and I agree is self love abundance. It's a journey, a process and involves relationships where there is mutuality, reciprocity and healthy boundaries. The most important relationship though is with ourselves and healing that block or trauma that causes the codependency in the first place. Then we can realise that being alone doesn't have to mean being lonely. When we realise being alone is better than putting up with abuse, narcissism, addictive behaviours we are on the path.
Otherwise, in the same thread -- I agree with Glenjo99 about chipping away at the state of codependency as being an ongoing thing.
Thank you, Glenjo99, for your wisdom and for sharing your experience.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
On re-reading some of my posts from prior and with the fact in mind after re-reading my post above in this thread from 2020, I do recognize that darn...I have done a backslide!
That is alarming to me; at the same time, it is good to have documentation to look back, to reflect, to choose to build on, to keep my self accountable, and to get back on track.
Otherwise -- (along with my varied list of go to educators on subjects of "narcissism" and also "codependency") I have listened to more podcasts this weekend, being I would guess triggered to do so by recent events at home, very negative; now where I am floundering and weakening. In particular, podcasts where it was R. Rosenberg either collaborating with others to share significant information or where he was doing a solo sharing of significant info -- and -- it is almost painful to listen and realize how vulnerable one can be without ever realizing it. But for me, it is necessary (to listen and to become aware).
Thanks be to God for good therapists, informed and honest people, who generously share information with others, who inspire others; who by doing so, give so much hope.
That is alarming to me; at the same time, it is good to have documentation to look back, to reflect, to choose to build on, to keep my self accountable, and to get back on track.
Otherwise -- (along with my varied list of go to educators on subjects of "narcissism" and also "codependency") I have listened to more podcasts this weekend, being I would guess triggered to do so by recent events at home, very negative; now where I am floundering and weakening. In particular, podcasts where it was R. Rosenberg either collaborating with others to share significant information or where he was doing a solo sharing of significant info -- and -- it is almost painful to listen and realize how vulnerable one can be without ever realizing it. But for me, it is necessary (to listen and to become aware).
Thanks be to God for good therapists, informed and honest people, who generously share information with others, who inspire others; who by doing so, give so much hope.
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