Hi my name is d&c and I’m a Codie
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Hi my name is d&c and I’m a Codie
working through the book codependent no more. Ugh. How dare I try to tell a grown man what’s best for him? Rescue and caretaker? I’m all over that like bees on honey! My anger is mine. I victimized myself!!! Who would think committing acts of “love” and “loyalty” would be shooting your own self in the foot??!?? Good grief Charlie Brown, I’m a blockhead. Officially in recovery starting g today. I’m getting my highlighter out and sleeping with that book!!! Any suggestions from recovering Codie’s on strategies that help re train the brain are welcomed
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Originally Posted by Wombaticus 
Start to set your boundaries and repeat them to yourself again and again., ie "I will not...."
mine is that I won't be around him when he is drunk.
Good on you for the positive steps.
mine is that I won't be around him when he is drunk.
Good on you for the positive steps.
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Holy moly, and I thought the AH was manipulative!!! Talk about resentments out of “love”! WhT in the world ? I need to ask my counselor how a person gets so out of touch with their feelings!!! Yes, I did feel resentment doing all the care taking! I am finding tho, that having the whole sentence “no “ come out of my mouth alienated people. But I learned from my friend hardlessons , when he said no, it was actually a good thing that his addict turned away from him! No is the secret weapon word to find out who people are and what they want and how they fit into my life. Who knew? 🤷*♀️
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If alcoholism causes me pain or worry I will divorce you. That is what my boundary was and is. My counselor and melody Beatty helped me to unearth that truth. I’m proud of myself for finding that inside of me! To my own self I’m being true!
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Holy moly I just got this text from AH:
We all have resentments and unresolved issues. I am trying to center my mind and not focus on the good, the bad as well as anything neutral. My spiritual focus is on gratitude, humility, tolerance and forgiveness. Most people in A.A. don’t know that between the Oxford Group and A.A. the name of the group was “ The One Day at a Time Group”. That is truly the best recipe for living regardless of one is a drunk or not.” I’m speechless. I’m stunned. I’m going to read chapter 7 now....
We all have resentments and unresolved issues. I am trying to center my mind and not focus on the good, the bad as well as anything neutral. My spiritual focus is on gratitude, humility, tolerance and forgiveness. Most people in A.A. don’t know that between the Oxford Group and A.A. the name of the group was “ The One Day at a Time Group”. That is truly the best recipe for living regardless of one is a drunk or not.” I’m speechless. I’m stunned. I’m going to read chapter 7 now....
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And continuing to text me he says:
I should have respected your boundaries but the disease took over. Not an excuse, just a statement of fact. Your boundaries deserve to be respected. The big book says “alcohol is but a symptom”, the rest is all the other crap and static going on in my brain. Resentments, fear, anger, bitterness, anxiety, etc. The only solution is a greater connectivity with my higher power, working the 12 steps and centering my mind.
What in in the world?? I don’t know what to say to him...therefore I’ll remain silent for now.
I should have respected your boundaries but the disease took over. Not an excuse, just a statement of fact. Your boundaries deserve to be respected. The big book says “alcohol is but a symptom”, the rest is all the other crap and static going on in my brain. Resentments, fear, anger, bitterness, anxiety, etc. The only solution is a greater connectivity with my higher power, working the 12 steps and centering my mind.
What in in the world?? I don’t know what to say to him...therefore I’ll remain silent for now.
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Dazed....remember the great Barbara Striesand song...."Boundaries"
…….it goes: "Boundaries, boundaries---people who love boundaries are the luckiest people in the world"...…….
…….it goes: "Boundaries, boundaries---people who love boundaries are the luckiest people in the world"...…….
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Originally Posted by trailmix
If you read what he wrote you could very well just quote him back some Melody Beattie. Words without action are just - words.
Sobriety, serenity, recovery, spirituality are all lifelong journeys, not destinations.
he must have had one heck of a meeting tiday
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your OP started with your amazement at new information and language that you are learning just now. your AH is doing the same thing. you are both unskilled to navigate this new territory and throwing your new lingo at each other. i'll see your serenity and raise you two boundaries.
let him say what he says. that is his right and his choice. you do not have to do anything with his words. you do not have to reply to his texts that are really just, um, statements cobbled together. (i do love his now expertise regarding the foundation of AA - that's what we call talking the talk).
try to react less. recall that what he says changes about every 6-12 hours so you are wasting a ton of mental energy trying to decode it, or emotional energy taking it all too personally. don't be his audience. and don't use him as yours. time for Detente. everybody go to their corner and quit viewing the other as the enemy.
let him say what he says. that is his right and his choice. you do not have to do anything with his words. you do not have to reply to his texts that are really just, um, statements cobbled together. (i do love his now expertise regarding the foundation of AA - that's what we call talking the talk).
try to react less. recall that what he says changes about every 6-12 hours so you are wasting a ton of mental energy trying to decode it, or emotional energy taking it all too personally. don't be his audience. and don't use him as yours. time for Detente. everybody go to their corner and quit viewing the other as the enemy.
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
your OP started with your amazement at new information and language that you are learning just now. your AH is doing the same thing. you are both unskilled to navigate this new territory and throwing your new lingo at each other. i'll see your serenity and raise you two boundaries.
let him say what he says. that is his right and his choice. you do not have to do anything with his words. you do not have to reply to his texts that are really just, um, statements cobbled together. (i do love his now expertise regarding the foundation of AA - that's what we call talking the talk).
try to react less. recall that what he says changes about every 6-12 hours so you are wasting a ton of mental energy trying to decode it, or emotional energy taking it all too personally. don't be his audience. and don't use him as yours. time for Detente. everybody go to their corner and quit viewing the other as the enemy.
let him say what he says. that is his right and his choice. you do not have to do anything with his words. you do not have to reply to his texts that are really just, um, statements cobbled together. (i do love his now expertise regarding the foundation of AA - that's what we call talking the talk).
try to react less. recall that what he says changes about every 6-12 hours so you are wasting a ton of mental energy trying to decode it, or emotional energy taking it all too personally. don't be his audience. and don't use him as yours. time for Detente. everybody go to their corner and quit viewing the other as the enemy.
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Dear D&C
You are NOT ALONE.
Soon after I left my ex, I called his sister to try and stage an intervention. After all, I had seen it on TV and it looked like a good idea.
Instead, his sister called him and told him about my call.
Don't be too hard on yourself. You are already doing SO much better than I did when I started recovery.
You are NOT ALONE.
Soon after I left my ex, I called his sister to try and stage an intervention. After all, I had seen it on TV and it looked like a good idea.
Instead, his sister called him and told him about my call.
Don't be too hard on yourself. You are already doing SO much better than I did when I started recovery.
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Originally Posted by Eauchiche
Dear D&C
You are NOT ALONE.
Soon after I left my ex, I called his sister to try and stage an intervention. After all, I had seen it on TV and it looked like a good idea.
Instead, his sister called him and told him about my call.
Don't be too hard on yourself. You are already doing SO much better than I did when I started recovery.
You are NOT ALONE.
Soon after I left my ex, I called his sister to try and stage an intervention. After all, I had seen it on TV and it looked like a good idea.
Instead, his sister called him and told him about my call.
Don't be too hard on yourself. You are already doing SO much better than I did when I started recovery.
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
Blood is still thicker than marriage. Good call keeping your own counsel. She's just worried she'll have to deal with him soon.
How's mr. recovery expert today? Still displaying his verbal jargon-master skills?
How's mr. recovery expert today? Still displaying his verbal jargon-master skills?
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