Grey Rocking gets noticed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 135
Grey Rocking gets noticed
Hey guys...it's been awhile. I have been busy getting the kids ready to go back to school. For the past month or more I have been really using the grey rock method to deal with my AH. This past week he said something that made me feel oddly detached from him.
I have been doing things "my way" during this time. For example, I really hate fried food, so I made a salad with dinner and didn't eat the rest. I have started listening to MY favorite radio station. I turned off the air conditioner in the house because I like the fresh air and windows open, even if it is warm outside....
So he declares, "You don't like any of the things I like anymore. Guess you have a boyfriend."
Wow. Ok...so NO I do not have a boyfriend. What I really wanted to say though was that I never liked these things in the first place, I just did them to keep peace in my house and not listen to his ******** lectures and rhetoric. I guess I have found myself in this grey rock and he is noticing the REAL me for the first time in so long.
I am a little sad that I have been so complacent and brainwashed for the past 20+ years that I just became an extension of him and the things HE liked/did/wanted. It is really kind of pathetic but all I can do is move forward from here.
He will never leave me but at least he is beginning to see the changes in me and maybe he will let me brainwash him for a few years!
I have been doing things "my way" during this time. For example, I really hate fried food, so I made a salad with dinner and didn't eat the rest. I have started listening to MY favorite radio station. I turned off the air conditioner in the house because I like the fresh air and windows open, even if it is warm outside....
So he declares, "You don't like any of the things I like anymore. Guess you have a boyfriend."
Wow. Ok...so NO I do not have a boyfriend. What I really wanted to say though was that I never liked these things in the first place, I just did them to keep peace in my house and not listen to his ******** lectures and rhetoric. I guess I have found myself in this grey rock and he is noticing the REAL me for the first time in so long.
I am a little sad that I have been so complacent and brainwashed for the past 20+ years that I just became an extension of him and the things HE liked/did/wanted. It is really kind of pathetic but all I can do is move forward from here.
He will never leave me but at least he is beginning to see the changes in me and maybe he will let me brainwash him for a few years!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
Oddsunflower, It's wonderful to see you living your life the way you want to regardless of what he is doing!
I remember all to well only ever doing things the way my AXH wanted..for 20+ years. You know, I even enjoyed all the same outdoorsy activities that he did (camping, fishing, hunting,ATVing etc) and I enjoyed spending that time with him, (until the drinking became the main focus of all those things). But even aside from the drinking, he was never interested in doing the OTHER things that I was interested in or wanted to participate in or wanted to experience. If it didn't interest him he did not care that it was something I wanted to do or he would complain that it would cost too much money. ( As if his activities and vices were thifty???) Always all about HIS creature comforts... it was as if I was there to serve his lizard brain. It was very unbalanced and unhealthy way of living.
You are doing great! Keep exercising those boundary muscles and gaining your strength back. I love to see people taking back their dignity. Go you!
I remember all to well only ever doing things the way my AXH wanted..for 20+ years. You know, I even enjoyed all the same outdoorsy activities that he did (camping, fishing, hunting,ATVing etc) and I enjoyed spending that time with him, (until the drinking became the main focus of all those things). But even aside from the drinking, he was never interested in doing the OTHER things that I was interested in or wanted to participate in or wanted to experience. If it didn't interest him he did not care that it was something I wanted to do or he would complain that it would cost too much money. ( As if his activities and vices were thifty???) Always all about HIS creature comforts... it was as if I was there to serve his lizard brain. It was very unbalanced and unhealthy way of living.
You are doing great! Keep exercising those boundary muscles and gaining your strength back. I love to see people taking back their dignity. Go you!
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: east coast
Posts: 529
This sounds so familiar. Especially the part about him spending money on his fun but my fun wasn't worth the money. Oh the fury!!! XAH recognized a huge shift in me when he went to up the air conditioning in my car while I was driving. I barked, leave it there. That's where I want it. The look on his face...terror... This was so not old codependent super nice sweet me. That huge shift helped me get out.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 471
I've been doing this for about a month too. He's getting noticeably angrier. No coincidence.
I cleaned up a pan last night and he got sh#$ty because I hadn't kept all of the pan juices from the roasted meat. I just laughed on the inside. At one time, I would have felt guilty, apologetic and sycophantic.
Not now. I will not wear his attempts to control everything in his life - especially me- to make it feel better for him.
I cleaned up a pan last night and he got sh#$ty because I hadn't kept all of the pan juices from the roasted meat. I just laughed on the inside. At one time, I would have felt guilty, apologetic and sycophantic.
Not now. I will not wear his attempts to control everything in his life - especially me- to make it feel better for him.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
