StrengthNme

I just got out today. Tomorrow I start the Partial Hospitalization Program for 2 weeks. That requires me to go back 6 days a week for 6 hours each day. After that I will do the Intensive Outpatient Program in which I go back 3 days a week for 3 hours each week. I will see my therapist weekly and also attend AA meetings. I really ****** up. My fiance broke up with me the morning I checked myself in for detox. He had taken me to the hospital the day before and my blood alcohol level was .36. By the time he came home from work and found me I was having trouble breathing and barely conscious. The ER doc told me if I had drank one more glass of wine it would have killed me. I'm so angry with myself for allowing this to happen. Everything was falling into place for me and now I have lost everything. Right now I am literally trying to go minute by minute, hour by hour and make it to tomorrow. I won't drink though. Oh no. That has already caused me enough pain. Now I just am left to pick up the pieces and somehow keep on going. To all of you who have not ruined your life from drinking yet, my best advice to you is to learn from me and STOP NOW. At least you still have time. I am feeling utterly hopeless.

doggonecarl

Don't feel hopeless. You've detoxed, so the worst of the physical pain is passed. You have a program in place. The gift of sobriety, and all the blessing that go with it, is at your fingertips. Many never get this close. And you're right there!

Have hope.

suki44883

Glad you made it back. Many don't. You came close.

Atlast9999

nez

This moment in time has the power to teach you lessons that the highest mountaintop can't. Embrace them and grow!

Callas

You have been to hell and back and you made it. Picking up the pieces will be tough but reading here on SR I realise it can be done. All the best.

Houstin

Hang in there Karate Girl. You can beat this!

Winston Churchill once said - If you're going through hell, keep going.

least

I hope you'll make this the start of permanent sobriety.

sva777

Many of us have been in similar situations. Beating yourself up over what is now in the past is useless. Your moving forward and eventually you will be able to appreciate how your life will have changed for the better sober.

Hevyn

I can imagine the pain you're in - but you will rise above this and have a much better life. You now know you can't touch a drop. I had to put myself through hell to learn my lesson, too. I have over 11 yrs. - I never picked up again. You can do it, Strength. Keep on punching.

SoberRican

You are not hopeless. Your sick. We get it . take it one day a time . you will get better. Keep coming back.

AnvilheadII

turn that hopelessness into SURRENDER.
We admitted we were powerless OVER alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable.

you are truly in the best place possible right now, with all the resources one could want to get sober (you ARE!) and STAY sober (you will!).

Anna

WeThinkNot

My wish for you is that one day, when you're comfortable in your recovery, you look back on this event and realize it was the greatest thing that ever happened to you.

Personally speaking, all of the horrible things that happened in my life were the best things that happened in my life. Without them I wouldn't have the life I have now. Happy and free from the shackles of addiction. There is absolutely no reason life can't be like that for you either.

Dee74

I am really glad you made it back StrengthNMe - it may not seem like it now but this can be the beginning of a something great, a new life
D

Verdantia

Oh, StrengthNMe. I have been in that angry, hopeless hell-I know a lot of us have. It's not really hopeless, though; you came through the fire, your detox is over, and now it's time to embrace sobriety and give your all to recovery. You've been given a precious gift, because at .35 BAC the body's vital reflexes--coughing, sneezing, gagging, breathing, heart rate--start to shut off. It's as drunk as you can get before death. Now, however, you have a new start; listen to everything in intensive outpatient with an open mind, and interact with your peers; I learned so much from mine in inpatient rehab. So, chin up, Karate Girl-because you haven't ruined your life at all, it's just getting started. Keep us posted on your progress; SR is a vital part of my sober journey.

StrengthNme

Yes. This was enough for me.

lessgravity

I can't add anything that anyone else didn't already say. I'm sorry you have put yourself and those you love through this, a testament to the power and brutality of alcohol. I hope you can find a way, finally, to put it down forever.

Misssy2

You can't see it...but you have HOPE NOW.
Like the Dr said..one more glass of wine you would have had NOTHING.

Its going to be tough..you have a lot going on...but you still have YOU.

digdug

Just wanted to say I’ve been through what you’re going through now.

I drank myself into the ER - ICU actually. My girlfriend at the time broke up with me when I checked into rehab. My family wanted nothing to do with me. Nearly lost my job.

I did detox, inpatient, PHP, IOP and AA. And I came out the other side. It was a lot of work but you get out what you put in.

I know it feels hopeless now. I remember staring at the ceiling in rehab for hours, taking it minute by minute and trying not to beat myself up over all the bad decisions and mistakes that I made that got me in that position. But I promise you, if you commit yourself to your recovery program, things will start to get better.

In the 6.5 years since that fateful night, I met someone new who has never had to see me drunk. I got married, bought a house, had an awesome kid, and thrived at work and in my personal life. I am not that same person who almost died in the hospital. My past no longer torments me. Things will work themselves out if you just focus on working on yourself.

Good luck to you!