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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Uk
Posts: 1
New to this site.
Hi
i ha e just found this site and posting as I need to grasp all the support I can get. I am currently 3 months sober using AA . I am currently dancing around Step 4 .I am finding out that I have always been prone to brushing issues ‘under the carpet’ , growing up my family have all done same.
I currently live with my mum due to breakdown of marriage due to DA. I am aware that I can only support my children if I maintain my sobriety. Contact is not court ordered but at the decree of my husband since February. He continues to behave in the same vein as me which is heartbreaking. I am not blameless as I chose to drink.
i ha e just found this site and posting as I need to grasp all the support I can get. I am currently 3 months sober using AA . I am currently dancing around Step 4 .I am finding out that I have always been prone to brushing issues ‘under the carpet’ , growing up my family have all done same.
I currently live with my mum due to breakdown of marriage due to DA. I am aware that I can only support my children if I maintain my sobriety. Contact is not court ordered but at the decree of my husband since February. He continues to behave in the same vein as me which is heartbreaking. I am not blameless as I chose to drink.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 652
I am really glad you found this forum.
Your username speaks so much pain and that truly is heartbreaking stuff you are going through there. I really admire you for taking responsibility and owning your part in all of this. I read your post and believe that with your attitude, the support you are finding in AA and the love on this forum you are going to turn this around. This will get better.
Huge congratulations on your 3 months sober!
Warm wishes
Lucinda.
Your username speaks so much pain and that truly is heartbreaking stuff you are going through there. I really admire you for taking responsibility and owning your part in all of this. I read your post and believe that with your attitude, the support you are finding in AA and the love on this forum you are going to turn this around. This will get better.
Huge congratulations on your 3 months sober!
Warm wishes
Lucinda.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: California
Posts: 2,722
Congrats Nolongermum. Being in the 4th step can be uncomfortable so get it done! What I mean, is there's no need to take a long time writing out the resentments, fear and harms done. You'll want to get to the 5th Step soon "if" you want to experience the 5th Step promises on ph 75, BB.
Keep up the good work!
Keep up the good work!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
It's so great to have you with us, nolonger. Congratulations on your 3 months. We know how hard it is to reclaim our lives after alcohol has control of us.
I'm very sorry for the painful time you're going through. The good news is that you're facing up to things with a clear head & eyes wide open. I can't believe I stayed in an alcoholic haze for so many years. Coming to SR eased my anxiety, & I knew I was no longer alone. I hope you'll feel the same.
I'm very sorry for the painful time you're going through. The good news is that you're facing up to things with a clear head & eyes wide open. I can't believe I stayed in an alcoholic haze for so many years. Coming to SR eased my anxiety, & I knew I was no longer alone. I hope you'll feel the same.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Welcome! Step 4 is hard, but I don't think it needs to be. Or at least that's my opinion. Sitting on that stuff too long, imo, can be counterproductive. Just do it to the best of your ability, progress not perfection. You can always go back and do another one when you've had more sober time.
People who have suffered trauma do tend to struggle more with step 4. Makes sense really. Circling the drain on step 4 can really be painful, and unnecessary.
Obviously I'm not your sponsor so take this input as just that, input based on experience.
People who have suffered trauma do tend to struggle more with step 4. Makes sense really. Circling the drain on step 4 can really be painful, and unnecessary.
Obviously I'm not your sponsor so take this input as just that, input based on experience.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Hi!
Welcome.
Step 4 is a tough one. At least, it was for me. I never really "did" Step 4 - at least not formally and as prescribed.
I step 4'd and beyond over the course of about 2 years, through a number of channels that included some AA-aligned work, some therapy, some individual self-forgiveness, some self-designed rituals....
I still sometimes go back to 4.... I find the steps coming in and out of life iteratively in some ways.
But, I digress..... my point here is that coming up on that step can be daunting and I'm glad for you that it's somehow led you to this forum. It's a community of experience and support and insight and strength. It has been one of my greatest tools in nearly six years of sobriety.
I hope you'll stick around. Keep it up. It's all so, so, so worth it.
Welcome.
Step 4 is a tough one. At least, it was for me. I never really "did" Step 4 - at least not formally and as prescribed.
I step 4'd and beyond over the course of about 2 years, through a number of channels that included some AA-aligned work, some therapy, some individual self-forgiveness, some self-designed rituals....
I still sometimes go back to 4.... I find the steps coming in and out of life iteratively in some ways.
But, I digress..... my point here is that coming up on that step can be daunting and I'm glad for you that it's somehow led you to this forum. It's a community of experience and support and insight and strength. It has been one of my greatest tools in nearly six years of sobriety.
I hope you'll stick around. Keep it up. It's all so, so, so worth it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 519
3 months, wow go you! I love it here, it is like an omnipresent and always available little family you can always spill to...I check in every night.
Keep coming back, and btw I love AA and am doing 90 meetings in 90 days, hope to get where you're at soon!
Keep coming back, and btw I love AA and am doing 90 meetings in 90 days, hope to get where you're at soon!
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Get step 4 finished so you can have a 5th step discussion. The longer you "sit" on this 4th step, the closer to a drink you'll be (my experience). Get through it. Get therapy if you think you'll need it, too.
Keep moving forward!!
Keep moving forward!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
We're very happy you're here, mum.
I am also pleased to know that you are following the AA program, as I have done for a while now, and working the 12 steps with a sponsor.
Step 4 was particularly tough for me, because I knew it would be like looking into the mirror and not liking what I saw.
But that proved to be establishing a baseline to use for character and behavioral improvement.
Please keep us posted as to your progress.
I am also pleased to know that you are following the AA program, as I have done for a while now, and working the 12 steps with a sponsor.
Step 4 was particularly tough for me, because I knew it would be like looking into the mirror and not liking what I saw.
But that proved to be establishing a baseline to use for character and behavioral improvement.
Please keep us posted as to your progress.
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