Grief and loss
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 276
Grief and loss
Hi All
i am writing this post from a remote location in British Columbia. In a cabin with my daughter and another family. We have not heard from AW for two weeks and the loss of everything is barely palatable for me right at this moment. Sending this out to the masses.
i am writing this post from a remote location in British Columbia. In a cabin with my daughter and another family. We have not heard from AW for two weeks and the loss of everything is barely palatable for me right at this moment. Sending this out to the masses.
Woodlandlost…..I hear you. I realize how hard this time is, for you....and, I know that you are doing the best that you can.....
somehow, you will get through this.....
None of us know how much courage we really do have...until the split second we need it to show up....It will work that way for you, also....
somehow, you will get through this.....
None of us know how much courage we really do have...until the split second we need it to show up....It will work that way for you, also....
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Grieving is the hardest work there is. I wish there was some magic I could offer to make this easier for you.
You can only grab onto little moments right now...tiny moments when you are distracted or grateful or in the presence of someone who loves you. You have nature around you right now. You have your daughter. You have your friends. You can find those moments and some day they will last longer, from seconds to minutes to hours to days and you will have gotten through this.
Deep breaths, yes?
Sending you whatever ever comfort there can be...
You can only grab onto little moments right now...tiny moments when you are distracted or grateful or in the presence of someone who loves you. You have nature around you right now. You have your daughter. You have your friends. You can find those moments and some day they will last longer, from seconds to minutes to hours to days and you will have gotten through this.
Deep breaths, yes?
Sending you whatever ever comfort there can be...
It's not easy, sadly there is no way but through it.
I can only tell you what helped me during times like that.
- Talking to someone else, reviewing why this was the best thing to happen. Sometimes we can get caught up in the how wonderful it was, when truly it wasn't.
- Taking care of yourself. Eat even if you don't feel like it sometimes, try to keep some normalcy in your eating. Sleep, whenever you can.
- Distract yourself, this gives your mind much needed rest. Whatever it is you like to do. Not sure what activities are available where you are now but be involved, even if you don't really feel like it.
I felt that talking it out was the best thing for me, if it is for you perhaps someone in that other family can listen? Can you call other family members or friends? Post here, as much as you want to, don't hesitate, there are many here who get what you are going through.
Also here are the crisis line contacts in BC if you feel you need to talk to someone right away:
https://www.crisislines.bc.ca/mapcrisis-lines
You're not alone in this woodlandlost, lots of support out here for you.
I can only tell you what helped me during times like that.
- Talking to someone else, reviewing why this was the best thing to happen. Sometimes we can get caught up in the how wonderful it was, when truly it wasn't.
- Taking care of yourself. Eat even if you don't feel like it sometimes, try to keep some normalcy in your eating. Sleep, whenever you can.
- Distract yourself, this gives your mind much needed rest. Whatever it is you like to do. Not sure what activities are available where you are now but be involved, even if you don't really feel like it.
I felt that talking it out was the best thing for me, if it is for you perhaps someone in that other family can listen? Can you call other family members or friends? Post here, as much as you want to, don't hesitate, there are many here who get what you are going through.
Also here are the crisis line contacts in BC if you feel you need to talk to someone right away:
https://www.crisislines.bc.ca/mapcrisis-lines
You're not alone in this woodlandlost, lots of support out here for you.
woodlandlost,
We do hear you...
I'm so sorry for the pain. I get it, many of us here do in some way or another. Please reach out to us any time, and reach out in real life, too! You deserve all the support you can arrange for yourself and for your daughter.
Sending prayers.
S
We do hear you...
I'm so sorry for the pain. I get it, many of us here do in some way or another. Please reach out to us any time, and reach out in real life, too! You deserve all the support you can arrange for yourself and for your daughter.
Sending prayers.
S
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 276
Thanks to you all for responding. Yes, i did find a few moments where my mind was elsewhere. It lasted a bit but goes right back to her. I miss her so. And she had stopped reaching out and that makes me feel rejected for sure.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
I suspect she’ll be back around, WL. (Google intermittent reinforcement...it’s very powerful and it seems like many addicts have an instinctive gift for it.) Then you’ll have to decide what to do about that.
Try not to let your sense of rejection overwhelm you. She’s “rejected” you because you interfere with her addiction. It truly isn’t personal, no matter what she may have said.
The longer she’s no contact, the more perspective you can gain.
Wishing you peace of mind.
Try not to let your sense of rejection overwhelm you. She’s “rejected” you because you interfere with her addiction. It truly isn’t personal, no matter what she may have said.
The longer she’s no contact, the more perspective you can gain.
Wishing you peace of mind.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 296
I'm sending so many hugs they've all tangled up..
As others have said here. She's not saying no to you. She's saying yes to alcohol. You could be standing right in front of her and her eyes see you but her alcoholic brain sees an interruption to drinking.
Please watch a show called Fr Ted. There's an old priest called Frank, I think, who sits in a corner screaming for drink 24/7. This is EVERY alcoholic. Your wife, the guy who drinks a crate a night, the binge drinker, the secret drinker, all of them.
Big hugs, as always.
Please watch a show called Fr Ted. There's an old priest called Frank, I think, who sits in a corner screaming for drink 24/7. This is EVERY alcoholic. Your wife, the guy who drinks a crate a night, the binge drinker, the secret drinker, all of them.
Big hugs, as always.
XABF did this often with the last disappearance being a month long. I felt so left in the dark, grieving and devastated. Worried sick about when the phone would ring that they found him dead. Like many have said, they aren't rejecting you they are just choosing the bottle and it is damn hard to witness and have absolutely zero power to do anything about it.
The best I can say is that once you unhook, permanently detach, life gets so much better. We always keep the sick ones in our hearts with love and support, but we do it from a distance to keep ourselves and certainly our children, safe. You are in my thoughts however, as I knew that pain all too well. Life turned around once I let go and gave him to God.
*BIG HUGS*
The best I can say is that once you unhook, permanently detach, life gets so much better. We always keep the sick ones in our hearts with love and support, but we do it from a distance to keep ourselves and certainly our children, safe. You are in my thoughts however, as I knew that pain all too well. Life turned around once I let go and gave him to God.
*BIG HUGS*
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 471
Yesterday I experienced it all - joy, excitement, overwhelming tiredness, despair, anger, frustration and pure sadness.
When i finally got to bed, i reflected on my day and thought...that is what grief feels like.
I sat in a crowd in an auditorium last night and watched my beautiful boys sing in a choir in an eistedffod. I cried a bit because it was so beautiful. AH wasn't there, and I don't get it.
I can't understand why, as a parent, you could stay away from your child.
You are being an excellent parent.
We just have to take each moment as it comes.
When i finally got to bed, i reflected on my day and thought...that is what grief feels like.
I sat in a crowd in an auditorium last night and watched my beautiful boys sing in a choir in an eistedffod. I cried a bit because it was so beautiful. AH wasn't there, and I don't get it.
I can't understand why, as a parent, you could stay away from your child.
You are being an excellent parent.
We just have to take each moment as it comes.
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