Sober social life?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 230
Sober social life?
I am approaching 5 months sober (two weeks to go) as many of you will know 12 months was the commitment I have made to myself.
i know I really want long term sobriety and am conscious of the fact that 1 alcoholic drink would spiral me down to where I was before. Where I was before when drinking was very very unpleasant and like living in hell.
I have found it necessary to isolate myself from family and other people. I go to work and spend my free time alone.
its been a hot summer in UK and walking through the city centre seeing the people with their pints of beer in the bars/pubs has been difficult.
When I pass a pub I smell the alcohol, it frightens me. I really do not think I could go into a pub/ bar as I think if I was in a social situation I may be coerced into drinking or cave in and decide to drink myself!
So does long term sobriety mean I will have to be a hermit? I am over 40 and not been lucky in love, I wonder how I could meet someone?
On the plus side I am managing to go to the gym. I am accepting that things will take time to improve as it will take my brain and body more than 4 1/2 months to recover.
i know I really want long term sobriety and am conscious of the fact that 1 alcoholic drink would spiral me down to where I was before. Where I was before when drinking was very very unpleasant and like living in hell.
I have found it necessary to isolate myself from family and other people. I go to work and spend my free time alone.
its been a hot summer in UK and walking through the city centre seeing the people with their pints of beer in the bars/pubs has been difficult.
When I pass a pub I smell the alcohol, it frightens me. I really do not think I could go into a pub/ bar as I think if I was in a social situation I may be coerced into drinking or cave in and decide to drink myself!
So does long term sobriety mean I will have to be a hermit? I am over 40 and not been lucky in love, I wonder how I could meet someone?
On the plus side I am managing to go to the gym. I am accepting that things will take time to improve as it will take my brain and body more than 4 1/2 months to recover.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
I don't know you or know if you are thinking that you want to stop past the 12 months?
If you are wanting to stop ...I can tell you I was in a similar situation as you as far as this crossroad....about deciding if I wanted to stop or not....And I wasn't really SURE....this was in 2005.
But I stopped..cause I was getting so sick...and then I was also "frightened of alcohol" AND avoided everything..even taking a day off from work because I was afraid I would drink.
Somewhere along the line at about 9 months....something clicked and I felt good being sober...I felt ok to be in a bar...I would actually suggest sitting at the bar so I could see the TV when we went out to eat.
I became proud of being sober...I think because I began to feel better and like myself more.....This all happens to almost everyone I see that finally decided to stop....that there is a time that comes when it is so much easier.
By the time I got to 8 years...I had no cravings...no thoughts....BUT...because I was no longer afraid of alcohol...I drank again.....It took the last 6 years for me to be ABLE to stop again...and I now have 40 days sober.
If you want to stay sober and work at it...there will most likely be a day you will accept your new way of living and be at peace with what others do.
If you are wanting to stop ...I can tell you I was in a similar situation as you as far as this crossroad....about deciding if I wanted to stop or not....And I wasn't really SURE....this was in 2005.
But I stopped..cause I was getting so sick...and then I was also "frightened of alcohol" AND avoided everything..even taking a day off from work because I was afraid I would drink.
Somewhere along the line at about 9 months....something clicked and I felt good being sober...I felt ok to be in a bar...I would actually suggest sitting at the bar so I could see the TV when we went out to eat.
I became proud of being sober...I think because I began to feel better and like myself more.....This all happens to almost everyone I see that finally decided to stop....that there is a time that comes when it is so much easier.
By the time I got to 8 years...I had no cravings...no thoughts....BUT...because I was no longer afraid of alcohol...I drank again.....It took the last 6 years for me to be ABLE to stop again...and I now have 40 days sober.
If you want to stay sober and work at it...there will most likely be a day you will accept your new way of living and be at peace with what others do.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
I am the same, but it does take time.
The only difference between my before and after life is that (a) I don't drink alcohol and (b) I dont go out as much or stay as late, but that is because I get bored.
Give it some time -- how about a gallery, or a movie, or a theatre show, or a good walk around town.
Its amazing how much more relaxing and fun these events are when they are not an excuse to drink!
The only difference between my before and after life is that (a) I don't drink alcohol and (b) I dont go out as much or stay as late, but that is because I get bored.
Give it some time -- how about a gallery, or a movie, or a theatre show, or a good walk around town.
Its amazing how much more relaxing and fun these events are when they are not an excuse to drink!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
It took some time for me to adjust to socializing again. I’m at 14 months and still have a hard time sometimes. Like dropsie, I find myself bored and leaving early.
I hang and out with some of my old friends (drinkers) and have found some new friends (non-drinkers). I’ve also learned to enjoy spending time alone or with my kids (and their friends).
Give it some time. Things will change and start to look up for you.
I hang and out with some of my old friends (drinkers) and have found some new friends (non-drinkers). I’ve also learned to enjoy spending time alone or with my kids (and their friends).
Give it some time. Things will change and start to look up for you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
I have a full social life now - which is something I lost entirely in my last years of drinking.
A lot of my friends now do not drink at all, or they drink normally - i.e. they can take or leave drink and will often leave half a glass undrunk.
We check out museums and art galleries, movies, picnics, bookshops...
We have meals together - I enjoy vegetarian and Indian street food - those restaurants are usually not licensed to sell alcohol...we hang out at our houses...without needing to add booze to the mix.
Some of them are new friends I met through hobbies and interests - some are older friends I reconnected with.
Maybe it's time to let go of the preconception that being social means an over emphasis on alcohol Stable?
A lot of my friends now do not drink at all, or they drink normally - i.e. they can take or leave drink and will often leave half a glass undrunk.
We check out museums and art galleries, movies, picnics, bookshops...
We have meals together - I enjoy vegetarian and Indian street food - those restaurants are usually not licensed to sell alcohol...we hang out at our houses...without needing to add booze to the mix.
Some of them are new friends I met through hobbies and interests - some are older friends I reconnected with.
Maybe it's time to let go of the preconception that being social means an over emphasis on alcohol Stable?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 1,065
I will be 2 years in October and I find I have a richer social life sober. I was a bit different in the beginning, I didn't shy away from events etc., I didn't have the option to. So being around booze and being ok with it, I learned to swim in the deep end. Everyone is different, it's what I had to do when I got sober.
We are home this weekend and we have been out every night, (long weekend here). Tonight we are home earlier, it was more an afternoon party, but the point is, if I sleep in tomorrow, I am not nursing a hangover, it's because I want to snuggle dh. I didn't tell the same story twice, I didn't worry my sarcasm offended someone, I don't have to get red wine out of anything I wore and instead of relief because I am home, I can drink without restraint, I am relieved I can finish the leftover jello salad with as much whipped cream as I want. No guilt!
It is a really great thing when your social life revolves around socializing with people other than the bartender.
We are home this weekend and we have been out every night, (long weekend here). Tonight we are home earlier, it was more an afternoon party, but the point is, if I sleep in tomorrow, I am not nursing a hangover, it's because I want to snuggle dh. I didn't tell the same story twice, I didn't worry my sarcasm offended someone, I don't have to get red wine out of anything I wore and instead of relief because I am home, I can drink without restraint, I am relieved I can finish the leftover jello salad with as much whipped cream as I want. No guilt!
It is a really great thing when your social life revolves around socializing with people other than the bartender.
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