Finally talked to partner
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 75
Finally talked to partner
I was doing really well, done just over two months sober after cutting down but been going through a bit of a stressful time, nothing terrible but I was possibly just looking for an excuse to drink so three weeks ago I bought a bottle of wine. I was ok, bit drunk but not terrible and hangover wasn't too bad. So the next weekend I bought two bottles of wine, felt terrible and said to myself no more wine. So yesterday I bought a half size bottle of vodka and looked at the units which was less than the two bottles of wine, justified to myself it's ok to drink it and drank it after kids went to bed and then spent half the night throwing up and I feel awful this morning. I'm so ashamed as I was on my own with the kids, husband was on a very rare night out with friends. I've finally spoke to husband about that I want to stop and I'm not a person that can have just one, I need his support and I let my guard down thinking I could go back to drinking and I can't be that bad, all the lies we tell ourselves. Maybe I've hit rock bottom now, I don't know but I definitely scared myself.
Anyway, just needed to write it down.
Anyway, just needed to write it down.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
Good morning hey no worries we all have been there and done that feel me? You say you jad a couple of months under your belt? Thats good. Maybe just have to do a little tweaking on the formula that was or wasnt working. We will always be a work in progress. You know what I'm saying. I had no plan or whatever when I stopped drinking 92 days ago. Just like anything you want to know you google it. Lol but seriously for me I was just sick and tired. Said a short prayer to my higher power and boom things we're in motion. Mind you I dont go to AA and all that. No pun towards that. I am using the resources that work for me. But the key word is "work" you get what you put in to it feel me. I hope I dont sound like I'm preaching or whatever. I want all of us to be well.i share alot on this site which if you look I'm all over. Why? Because that is one of my tools I use wierd huh? I also listen to audio aa speakers on you tube. I read a lot.and like I said I share. I do my day counts here like today is my 92 day. I call that a miracle. And a blessing.thank you for reading this. And Keep coming back
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Originally Posted by Longlady 
I've finally spoke to husband about that I want to stop and I'm not a person that can have just one, I need his support...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Oh, it can always get lower, trust us.
Once a week drinking to get drunk is binge drinking and it's definitely dangerous. The phenomenon of kindling is pretty scary.
Rock bottom can be and is a lot lower for many, so I'm happy you've made the decision now to quit. Hang out and keep reading and posting. Your kids need a sober Mom.
Once a week drinking to get drunk is binge drinking and it's definitely dangerous. The phenomenon of kindling is pretty scary.
Rock bottom can be and is a lot lower for many, so I'm happy you've made the decision now to quit. Hang out and keep reading and posting. Your kids need a sober Mom.
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,159
I've read about stages in alcoholism, and this thing you are experiencing, sounds like a stage I went through. I don't know that it's a universal experience, since I've never seen it listed in various descriptions of the progression of alcoholism. But it was a time where my drinking and subsequent perception of my drinking was changing. It wasn't a sudden flash of insight. It unfolded slowly.
During this time, I did a lot of worrying and wishing for something different, but didn't take any constructive action. But for me, it was a beginning. I tested the waters of moderation, as you have, and found it useless. In desperation, I decided to give abstinence a shot, since it was touted as an absolute necessity.
The thought of no alcohol forever under any circumstance was not appealing to me at all. I actually didn't even think it was possible. But I knew what I was doing was nothing but worrying and wishing, and it wasn't working, so I committed myself to abstinence, knowing that I was perfectly capable of breaking a commitment if it came to that.
Now that kind of commitment doesn't really sound like a commitment, but in a few days, the cravings started to subside, and I could see the possibility of actual lifelong abstinence. In addition, I was feeling proud of myself, a feeling which had been missing in my life for a long time. In a couple of weeks, I was on my way, and it was the start of a wonderful amazing 25 years without alcohol.
The idea that I would have to drink at least socially, on special occasions turned out to be a red herring. I discovered many others, some who were not even alcoholics, managed weddings and funerals just fine without alcohol. Where that notion of the need to drink socially came from, I don't know. Not only is it true that you don't need to do it, but it's also true that people like us simply can't. It was then off the table, with a "good bye to bad rubbish" attitude that became the new normal for me.
You're closing in on the action phase, I think. You've made progress in the past, and then lost it after a couple of months, and I want to mention something that is almost sacrilegious. We alcoholics all count our days, weeks, months and years of sobriety. I did and I think it has value, but here is a caution. While counting your days, keep in mind that two days, months, or two years, doesn't accomplish anything when you go back to drinking. Things go back to the way they were, only worse, and quitting the next time gets harder. You are throwing away your sobriety, I suppose with the hope that you will pick it up again.
At my first meeting of AA, I met a guy who was an expert at quitting and he told me something important that I needed to hear at that time. He said the awful cravings would go away and be nothing but fleeting thoughts in my head. He was right. But notice I said he was an expert at quitting, and here is the dark side to his story. He had gone through the withdrawals until he had fleeting thoughts so many times that he must have become overconfident about his ability to quit. Eventually, he disappeared from meetings and I later found out that he drank himself to death.
I would really caution about going back out. It's tempting because after a couple months of sobriety, you start to feel normal, but if you are an alcoholic, you can never drink and be normal at the same time. It's one or the other.
I hope you will hang out with us. If you need support, you are in the right place.
During this time, I did a lot of worrying and wishing for something different, but didn't take any constructive action. But for me, it was a beginning. I tested the waters of moderation, as you have, and found it useless. In desperation, I decided to give abstinence a shot, since it was touted as an absolute necessity.
The thought of no alcohol forever under any circumstance was not appealing to me at all. I actually didn't even think it was possible. But I knew what I was doing was nothing but worrying and wishing, and it wasn't working, so I committed myself to abstinence, knowing that I was perfectly capable of breaking a commitment if it came to that.
Now that kind of commitment doesn't really sound like a commitment, but in a few days, the cravings started to subside, and I could see the possibility of actual lifelong abstinence. In addition, I was feeling proud of myself, a feeling which had been missing in my life for a long time. In a couple of weeks, I was on my way, and it was the start of a wonderful amazing 25 years without alcohol.
The idea that I would have to drink at least socially, on special occasions turned out to be a red herring. I discovered many others, some who were not even alcoholics, managed weddings and funerals just fine without alcohol. Where that notion of the need to drink socially came from, I don't know. Not only is it true that you don't need to do it, but it's also true that people like us simply can't. It was then off the table, with a "good bye to bad rubbish" attitude that became the new normal for me.
You're closing in on the action phase, I think. You've made progress in the past, and then lost it after a couple of months, and I want to mention something that is almost sacrilegious. We alcoholics all count our days, weeks, months and years of sobriety. I did and I think it has value, but here is a caution. While counting your days, keep in mind that two days, months, or two years, doesn't accomplish anything when you go back to drinking. Things go back to the way they were, only worse, and quitting the next time gets harder. You are throwing away your sobriety, I suppose with the hope that you will pick it up again.
At my first meeting of AA, I met a guy who was an expert at quitting and he told me something important that I needed to hear at that time. He said the awful cravings would go away and be nothing but fleeting thoughts in my head. He was right. But notice I said he was an expert at quitting, and here is the dark side to his story. He had gone through the withdrawals until he had fleeting thoughts so many times that he must have become overconfident about his ability to quit. Eventually, he disappeared from meetings and I later found out that he drank himself to death.
I would really caution about going back out. It's tempting because after a couple months of sobriety, you start to feel normal, but if you are an alcoholic, you can never drink and be normal at the same time. It's one or the other.
I hope you will hang out with us. If you need support, you are in the right place.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 51
You are doing just fine LongLady. You caught it and it sounds like you have some support hopefully? Your husband knowing and supporting you would be ideal for your recovery. That live-in accountability is good. And listen to me - and all of us here - you are a million miles away from rock bottom. You are acting so wisely and so smartly doing all of this work now. Rock bottom is a long way away for you and all that lies between you and that is years of pain, sickness, misery - a slow and awful decline. I envy you doing this now. I had to get so sick that i might never be right again before I quit. Don't do it. Peace LongLady.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 75
Hi, just popped in to say thank you for the replies. I did read them all but have stayed off the internet for a few days. You are all very kind and it's been over a year since I first joined here.
At the moment the thought of ever drinking again horrifies me and will keep hold of that feeling to stop me in the future.
So glad I spoke to husband as now I feel I can speak more freely about why I'm not drinking if he asks if I want a bottle of wine while he's at the shop.
Anyway thankyou and I will be checking in even though I don't post often.
At the moment the thought of ever drinking again horrifies me and will keep hold of that feeling to stop me in the future.
So glad I spoke to husband as now I feel I can speak more freely about why I'm not drinking if he asks if I want a bottle of wine while he's at the shop.
Anyway thankyou and I will be checking in even though I don't post often.
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