Well This Has Ramped Up A Level
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 210
Well This Has Ramped Up A Level
Lost everything to alcohol I'm starting to think. Nothing else to lose kind of attitude then took me on a new journey and within the last month switched from beer to spirits, something I have never done in 30 years of drinking.
One bottle of high percentage spirits and the new journey became blacking out.
And if I'm to be honest I quite liked it because it meant I did not have to live in this real world anymore. Yet staying blacked out is impossible for me to do?
Yet one tiny little thing eats at me, I tend to Email someone and only realise I have done so the next day!
I have enormous respect for this person yet they can drive me crazy at times.
I dumped my phone so I could not text them, I'm wondering if I should dump this laptop as well.
Not sure if I have an alcohol problem, if I tell myself I do then I will, kind of lost completely writing this, sorry if it makes no sense, it doesn't make any sense to me either!
One bottle of high percentage spirits and the new journey became blacking out.
And if I'm to be honest I quite liked it because it meant I did not have to live in this real world anymore. Yet staying blacked out is impossible for me to do?
Yet one tiny little thing eats at me, I tend to Email someone and only realise I have done so the next day!
I have enormous respect for this person yet they can drive me crazy at times.
I dumped my phone so I could not text them, I'm wondering if I should dump this laptop as well.
Not sure if I have an alcohol problem, if I tell myself I do then I will, kind of lost completely writing this, sorry if it makes no sense, it doesn't make any sense to me either!
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Welcome!
I can't tell you whether or not you have a problem with alcohol. But if you are here I'm guessing your higher thinking self believes you do. The addiction in you will rationalize and justify just about any behavior as normal or ok just to keep you drinking.
I don't think ditching the electronics is a rational choice. I would think ditching the booze would be the first logical thing to do. If you find that difficult then I would say you probably should consider alcohol the problem, not the phone.
If you are blacking out that can get really dangerous, fast. Emails, while embarrassing, aren't deadly. Driving or falling while in blackout can be.
Please consider carefully what you are doing and be very honest with yourself.
I can't tell you whether or not you have a problem with alcohol. But if you are here I'm guessing your higher thinking self believes you do. The addiction in you will rationalize and justify just about any behavior as normal or ok just to keep you drinking.
I don't think ditching the electronics is a rational choice. I would think ditching the booze would be the first logical thing to do. If you find that difficult then I would say you probably should consider alcohol the problem, not the phone.
If you are blacking out that can get really dangerous, fast. Emails, while embarrassing, aren't deadly. Driving or falling while in blackout can be.
Please consider carefully what you are doing and be very honest with yourself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Welcome to the site.
I hope you'll stick around, read as much as you can, keep posting.
Most importantly I hope you find a way to stop drinking. I don't have any blank spots in my memory or actions for the past five and a half years since I quit drinking. I'm so glad I quit.
I hope you'll stick around, read as much as you can, keep posting.
Most importantly I hope you find a way to stop drinking. I don't have any blank spots in my memory or actions for the past five and a half years since I quit drinking. I'm so glad I quit.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 210
Sorry everybody, I was so consumed within my own mind I forgot to say hello. Thanks for the replies so far, they are certainly challenging, somehow I thought everybody would just agree with me.
Not to sure what to write here, I did manage without a phone and internet for 3 years by living outside, this stopped me making contact with anybody though I was drinking beer and cider back then. It's the spirits that have ramped all of this up in the past month.
Up to a month ago I had never experienced blackouts. In an odd way they became exciting, and yet it's this Emailing thing that is causing me my only problem!
Probably sounds really stupid as all I sent out last night was links to songs via youtube. But on my first sip of spirits I had told myself I would send nothing out at all. I was horrified this morning when I saw the links to songs that I had sent.
This is why I ditched my phone and said about ditching the laptop, also if I label myself with a drinking problem then it will become a reality to me that I have one.
I would not know then what to do with time, I mean night time, I only ever drink at night... Never in the day!
I'm not finding this as easy as I thought posting on here, it seemed like a good idea an hour or 2 ago, now I'm not so sure
Not to sure what to write here, I did manage without a phone and internet for 3 years by living outside, this stopped me making contact with anybody though I was drinking beer and cider back then. It's the spirits that have ramped all of this up in the past month.
Up to a month ago I had never experienced blackouts. In an odd way they became exciting, and yet it's this Emailing thing that is causing me my only problem!
Probably sounds really stupid as all I sent out last night was links to songs via youtube. But on my first sip of spirits I had told myself I would send nothing out at all. I was horrified this morning when I saw the links to songs that I had sent.
This is why I ditched my phone and said about ditching the laptop, also if I label myself with a drinking problem then it will become a reality to me that I have one.
I would not know then what to do with time, I mean night time, I only ever drink at night... Never in the day!
I'm not finding this as easy as I thought posting on here, it seemed like a good idea an hour or 2 ago, now I'm not so sure
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Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: North Georgia Mountains
Posts: 588
I too spent 30 years trying to convince myself I didn’t have a drinking problem. Luckily I found this site and have now been sober for over 2 years. You can do the same, I assure you you will not be sorry!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Yes, well that moment of honesty about it being a problem is really important. That is the part of me that wanted to live and not die. Blackouts are a dangerous part of drinking.
People who are drinking sometimes post lots of YouTube links on this site, too. It's kind of like a Poker "tell."
All of us here who have quit drinking get through our days a whole lot better and happier than when we drank.
It's not a good hobby to have.
I hope you'll stick around. You will get honesty from us, too!
People who are drinking sometimes post lots of YouTube links on this site, too. It's kind of like a Poker "tell."
All of us here who have quit drinking get through our days a whole lot better and happier than when we drank.
It's not a good hobby to have.
I hope you'll stick around. You will get honesty from us, too!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 210
Originally Posted by Callas 
I am not sure if you are sarcastic or serious talking about your not drinking problem. I guess you know why you are here.
I believe I can get through today by not drinking tonight. Possibly tomorrow as well.
Maybe I posted on the wrong forum here, I don't know.. I posted kind of irrationally without thinking it any of it over
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 51
Houstin, you are welcome here. Please don't leave. Stay with us. Nothing makes sense at first but it will. You are an alcoholic my friend. The one caution that I need you to remember is that if you drink spirits, you don't just black out and die at peace one night. You wake up every day in worse shape, and dying by drinking can take months or years and is the ugliest, most drawn out, painful and low deaths that you could imagine.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome Houstin. Drinking until blackout on a regular basis is a very troubling thing and a clear sign that you have a major problem with alcohol. And if you are unable to quit that's an even bigger sign that you are likely an addict/alcoholic.
The thing is, even if you get rid of your laptop and phone, once you are blacked out you have no real control over what happens. Maybe you'll get up and walk or drive someplace and do something you will regret - or hurt someone along the way. Just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it won't - look at your switch to booze, you never thought that would happen either.
If you are able to make it through the day without drinking that would be a huge victory - but please do be safe about it as withdrawals can be sometimes severe. Especially if you are consuming a bottle of booze a day - that is an extreme amount.
The thing is, even if you get rid of your laptop and phone, once you are blacked out you have no real control over what happens. Maybe you'll get up and walk or drive someplace and do something you will regret - or hurt someone along the way. Just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it won't - look at your switch to booze, you never thought that would happen either.
If you are able to make it through the day without drinking that would be a huge victory - but please do be safe about it as withdrawals can be sometimes severe. Especially if you are consuming a bottle of booze a day - that is an extreme amount.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
I hope you stay, Houstin. This forum is populated by people who can offer their past experience, with alcohol imbibing and stopping: whilst you explore your own relationship with alcohol, and problems arising from its consumption.
Switching from beer, to spirits, didn’t fare well, for me. Blackout texting and emails became frequent: but I found it was the blackouts that were my problem, not the hardware.
Switching from beer, to spirits, didn’t fare well, for me. Blackout texting and emails became frequent: but I found it was the blackouts that were my problem, not the hardware.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
'Maybe I posted on the wrong forum here, I don't know.. I posted kind of irrationally without thinking it any of it over"
oh, i think you posted on the right forum, Houstin
sure, ditch the laptop!
then your emailing problem will disappear. and your possible connection to a place like this...poof!
what will remain is reality.
that's the crux, no?
i hope you stay. keep the laptop. find a way to be okay in reality.
for real.
oh, i think you posted on the right forum, Houstin
sure, ditch the laptop!
then your emailing problem will disappear. and your possible connection to a place like this...poof!
what will remain is reality.
that's the crux, no?
i hope you stay. keep the laptop. find a way to be okay in reality.
for real.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
You got to be part of the solution brother. Real talk. Read the first thing from AA your life has become unmanageable. You know this. That being said stop the boozin. I know easier said than done. The amount you are doing can turn your situation even worse . see if you can detox at a medical facility. Anyways you can do this brother. I'm living proof. At 90 days today. And I was a mess let me tell you. Keep coming back
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
Hi Houston;
I'm very sorry if my first post to you was too blunt--I'm glad you are here and you are very welcome.
As others have said, really only you know if it is a problem.
But it seems a shame that you have to ditch both phone and laptop because you don't remember what you did while drinking. Perhaps it is at least a red flag that something isn't working out with drinking spirits.
I can share that when I drank hard alcohol I also would blackout frequently in my late stages of drinking. It's a pretty scary thing to be so out of control I couldn't remember what I said or did. It also is a sign that the body and brain are not able to deal with that amount of alcohol all at once.
Lots of people here have that same story-you are not alone and we understand.
I'm very sorry if my first post to you was too blunt--I'm glad you are here and you are very welcome.
As others have said, really only you know if it is a problem.
But it seems a shame that you have to ditch both phone and laptop because you don't remember what you did while drinking. Perhaps it is at least a red flag that something isn't working out with drinking spirits.
I can share that when I drank hard alcohol I also would blackout frequently in my late stages of drinking. It's a pretty scary thing to be so out of control I couldn't remember what I said or did. It also is a sign that the body and brain are not able to deal with that amount of alcohol all at once.
Lots of people here have that same story-you are not alone and we understand.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
The emails and instant messages. Brings back a lot of horrible memories, to be honest. I got scared of that blinking indicator light on my phone - knowing I had sent something and never knowing what, if anything, is going to come back from the other end.
And then it became like a 'thing' - I wouldn't stop drinking (that wasn't the issue, right), but I would have to consciously try and repeat to myself that "This time I won't send stupid messages". On a few occasions I didn't, but 95% of the time sending emails etc was like a compulsion whilst drunk. Some of the messages were really angry, too. Later on I had to apologise, at times going as far as lying about a mental problem I was having (well I was, you know, since I was drinking to excess) and saying 'I am dealing with it now'. I didn't deal with anything, just sobered up for a second, tried to stay away from drunk emailing, but eventually did it again.
I've been sober for a little while now. Haven't sent a stupid email or text yet. Haven't called anyone or to any place at 2 in the morning either.
You should give abstinence a try, but start on your journey in a medically safe way. Blackouts will only get worse. Soon it won't be youtube videos, my friend. It'll be a lot worse ("although you never thought it would get to that").
Take care
And then it became like a 'thing' - I wouldn't stop drinking (that wasn't the issue, right), but I would have to consciously try and repeat to myself that "This time I won't send stupid messages". On a few occasions I didn't, but 95% of the time sending emails etc was like a compulsion whilst drunk. Some of the messages were really angry, too. Later on I had to apologise, at times going as far as lying about a mental problem I was having (well I was, you know, since I was drinking to excess) and saying 'I am dealing with it now'. I didn't deal with anything, just sobered up for a second, tried to stay away from drunk emailing, but eventually did it again.
I've been sober for a little while now. Haven't sent a stupid email or text yet. Haven't called anyone or to any place at 2 in the morning either.
You should give abstinence a try, but start on your journey in a medically safe way. Blackouts will only get worse. Soon it won't be youtube videos, my friend. It'll be a lot worse ("although you never thought it would get to that").
Take care
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,424
I hope you stick around Houstin
I wasn't sure I needed to be on SR either. You've reminded me I nearly deleted the bookmark in my browser after my first post here...but I knew deep down I had a problem and that I belonged here.
The community here helped me turn things round...for the better
D
I wasn't sure I needed to be on SR either. You've reminded me I nearly deleted the bookmark in my browser after my first post here...but I knew deep down I had a problem and that I belonged here.
The community here helped me turn things round...for the better
D
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