Callas

I read on another page that someone was lamenting his loss of sense of humour in early recovery. I have been conremplating that and other aspects of my personality.

I have been a hard drinker all my adult life and a full blown alcoholic probably for the last 5 years or so. I do not know who I am supposed to be. Am I the same person as before, just not drinking or am I a totally new version of myself. I feel I am better for me. I am not so sure how other experience the new me.

Strip down to our essentials and without the alcohol crutch/defensive mechnism and easy escapism, are we now finally the person we are ment to be? Or are we the same person, just not handicapped by addiction and all the discomfort that brings.

How will we know when we have recreated our true self?

SoberRican

I love the new and improved me. And so does everyone else😃 win win for me. Keep coming back.

entropy1964

I'm not sure I'll ever know who I am. Just a regular kinda gal I guess. Nothing particularly special.....and that is actually comforting. I'm at peace with my mediocrity

I do know that my actions and choices seem to define how I feel about who I am...if that makes sense. So I try to let go of the existential stuff because that has never really gotten me anywhere. That's just me.

I find that if I line my actions and choices up with the person I would like to be, I generally am that person. Both externally and internally.

While I am 100% responsible for my addict, I am not that person. And I hate that person. And so does everyone else That I am sure of.

WeThinkNot

I had been a daily drinker since my early 20s. After a couple of months had passed after getting sober at the age of 38 I finally sensed the "real" me that had been buried in booze for oh so many years. It's an esoteric statement and I don't know how to expand on it but it was the soul that I had sensed inside of me in my childhood and teenage years.

Writing this now in my third year of sobriety I feel that I've built on my true self and I'm finally becoming the man I should have been. My happiness and confidence have gone through the roof and my resentments have disappeared.

Andante

If "navel-gazing" is tying you up in knots, you can always try looking at things from more of a scientific angle.

What we like to think of as a "self" really boils down to just a collection of neural patterns.

Bombarding our brains with a toxic substance doesn't do those neural patterns any good in the first place, and doing it so often that our brains become addicted to the substance really warps, damages, and stunts them.

Recovery offers an opportunity for previous neural patterns to resume and new healthier ones to establish. Thus, in a sense, your "true self" is both who you were pre-alcoholism, and who you become as a result of your choices in the future. You can be virtually anyone you want to be, free of the encumbrance and distortion caused by alcohol and alcohol addiction.

D122y

I figure since i relapsed, unknowingly, about 1000 times since I was little kid my brain has been permanently damaged.

I still crave off and on periodically and still feel healing occurring. I have not been drunk for over 4 years.

The real me is definitely shining through. I see it the most. The people that I attacked when I was a stinking drunk are still tippy toes around me, but I try hard to be nice. The damage I did was not only to myself.

I can do things now much easier than before. I can easily go 24 hours with little to no sleep if I need to. Never could do that before.

I remember things that folks seem to forget. It takes just a bit of recall and what is left of my amazing brain pulls up the info.

Drinking was slowly dulling that for the last 40 years.

Some folks seem to have bounced back in a month or 2. Not me, I am still bouncing back. But, every bounce is better because I am bouncing soberly in the right direction.

The hurt that I felt/feel daily has hopefully given me permanent mental scars. I wear these scars like a badge of honor. They better always remind me to never ever ever ever drug my body again.

Today I had a banana, apple, and about 2 cups of blue berries. I had some other stuff too, but those were healthy. Guess how I feel.

Amazing.

Thanks.

Dropsie

I think we are the same person underneath, but the addiction was ruling the show. Now we are.

thomas11

Pretty good question in my opinion. I can tell you that when I was drinking that was NOT the real me. It probably took 6 months to mature and see things clearly. I had to navigate some pretty tough life events and I knew they would be a whole lot tougher trying to do them drunk or hungover.

Dee74

I'm not sure there's one size fits all for that.

For me I started drinking hard at 25, so I already had a good sense of who I was (pot smoking aside).

Its been a joy for me to rediscover that person...and also to see what the lessons and experiences of years in addictive wilderness have added to that person.

I think there's one thing thats the same for everyone tho - if you're not happy with who you are, you can change it.

If there's anything you want to do you can do it.

There an old Australian song that goes 'Do what you want to do, be what you want to be, yeah'.

I think when you feel a peace and contentment, you're probably pretty close to who you're sposed to be

D

Misssy2

I think for me...I know the real me...when I feel peaceful....

I did find out in early recovery years ago...that I didn't like some of the real me...and I had decisions to make as to whether or not I was going to work on those things.

To answer your question ...YES in my opinion when you remove the alcohol you have the "real" …"authentic" self....because you can't be "authentic" when you are bombed...

So then we just have to learn how to live without alcohol...and not only do we learn about ourselves...we learn about other people that have been around us for ever....things we never saw before.

Its a great adventure if you make it an adventure...Don't be afraid of the journey..its a much better way to live...its tough sometimes but BETTER.