Struggling
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Location: Canada
Posts: 48
Struggling
I haven't posted the last few days because even though I now have 2 years clean I have been struggling really bad. I know I have to try to avoid the HALT (being hungry, angry, lonely and tired) and I have been trying.
I think I am having a hard time adjusting to my new baby. I love him but 2 kids who have 2 different schedules is very hard. I have been getting 1 or 2 hours of sleep a day for the past 3 weeks now. Maybe that's why I'm struggling. My husband also relapsed so that has been even harder to stay clean
I'm sorry I just had to vent because I feel if I talk about it I have less changes of acting on it!
I think I am having a hard time adjusting to my new baby. I love him but 2 kids who have 2 different schedules is very hard. I have been getting 1 or 2 hours of sleep a day for the past 3 weeks now. Maybe that's why I'm struggling. My husband also relapsed so that has been even harder to stay clean
I'm sorry I just had to vent because I feel if I talk about it I have less changes of acting on it!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
please do not drink! you have two children, one a newborn/infant and they need you sober. their other parent has already checked out. they cannot fend for themselves.
i'm sorry about the sleep. it will get better. do you have any other friends or family that can help out, give you a spell?
and good job posting HERE. parenting ain't for wussies.
i remember one night i went to heat up a bottle, and thought while i waited for the water to boil, with the bottle in the pan, i'd just sit on the couch for a sec. and maybe lean over a bit and rest my head.
next thing i know my husband is like what is burning? what happened?
all that left of the pan with the bottle and the water was the handle - and the glowing burner. i coulda burned the house down cuz i just wanted to rest my head for a second.......
i'm sorry about the sleep. it will get better. do you have any other friends or family that can help out, give you a spell?
and good job posting HERE. parenting ain't for wussies.
i remember one night i went to heat up a bottle, and thought while i waited for the water to boil, with the bottle in the pan, i'd just sit on the couch for a sec. and maybe lean over a bit and rest my head.
next thing i know my husband is like what is burning? what happened?
all that left of the pan with the bottle and the water was the handle - and the glowing burner. i coulda burned the house down cuz i just wanted to rest my head for a second.......
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
Wow..I hate alcoholism..when I saw your name under this post..I thought "she" has 2 years.....
It doesn't matter...how much time we have...I HAD 8 years....
The sleep you are getting (very little) is certainly contributing but if you drink and still get the same amount of sleep you will feel worse than you do now anyway.
Also if you end up drinking you may pass out and be unavailable for the kids if something were to happen.
It sucks your husband relapsed...is there anything you can see in him that points to you that he is NOT having fun....that he is sorry he relapsed? Then you can hold on to that....that if you drink you are also going to regret it...
Right now you are the strong one....you never know if you can stop drinking again....I thought I could stop right away...It took me 6 years to stop again....
Its not worth it..I'm so sorry you are feeling this way...its a scary feeling.
It doesn't matter...how much time we have...I HAD 8 years....
The sleep you are getting (very little) is certainly contributing but if you drink and still get the same amount of sleep you will feel worse than you do now anyway.
Also if you end up drinking you may pass out and be unavailable for the kids if something were to happen.
It sucks your husband relapsed...is there anything you can see in him that points to you that he is NOT having fun....that he is sorry he relapsed? Then you can hold on to that....that if you drink you are also going to regret it...
Right now you are the strong one....you never know if you can stop drinking again....I thought I could stop right away...It took me 6 years to stop again....
Its not worth it..I'm so sorry you are feeling this way...its a scary feeling.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
I had babies once too and I understand how you're feeling. 
Is there anyone who could give you some respite? I'm sorry your husband relapsed. 
All the more reason for you to stay clean and sober.
Is there anyone who could give you some respite? I'm sorry your husband relapsed. 
All the more reason for you to stay clean and sober. Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
Having a new baby is a very stressful time for anyone and getting so little sleep is, of course, making things worse. Can you get someone to help out, even just for a few hours, so you could get some rest? I think it would help you a lot. Drinking/drugging at this point would be a disaster. You are the sober parent to an infant and a young child and you need to be sober. I really hope that you feel better.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Location: Canada
Posts: 48
Thank you guys.
I have a hard time asking for help. People have to work and have their own lives and I feel like I should be able to handle this without feeling this way. Im so tired though I can't even think straight and that's why I appreciate your comments so much
My husband is also using in the house so it's hard but I think I prefer having him here than not knowing where he is
I have a hard time asking for help. People have to work and have their own lives and I feel like I should be able to handle this without feeling this way. Im so tired though I can't even think straight and that's why I appreciate your comments so much
My husband is also using in the house so it's hard but I think I prefer having him here than not knowing where he is
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
Sometimes we all need to ask for help. If help is possible, please look into it. You need to get some rest. Can you find someone responsible who will watch the kids while you get some sleep.
If help is possible, please look into it. You need to get some rest. Can you find someone responsible who will watch the kids while you get some sleep. 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by ChangingODAAT 
Thank you guys.
I have a hard time asking for help. People have to work and have their own lives and I feel like I should be able to handle this without feeling this way.
I have a hard time asking for help. People have to work and have their own lives and I feel like I should be able to handle this without feeling this way.
lack of it has destroyed nations.
millions upon millions of people on this rock getting help today with different aspects their lives. get rid of the pride and fear and reach out for help before ya reach out for a bottle.
ya think yer struggling now, picture how exciting and fun it all would be with alcohol involved.
reach out.
might be time to set boundaries with hubby,too. he can drink but not around you or the kids. time for him to get out of his underoos and into some big boy undies.
sumthin like that.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Really glad you reached out for support instead of drinking.
Anytime those thoughts start trying to tempt me, I think about how that craving would be back ALL the time. It never stops at just one night, that's the great lie.
And the relief I'm looking for can't be found in a substance. I know this, because I tried finding it there and all it brought me was more problems.
Hope your new baby starts sleeping through the night for you soon. I remember those days of having little ones, enjoy it! The time goes by so quickly and you will never regret being sober and present for your children.
Anytime those thoughts start trying to tempt me, I think about how that craving would be back ALL the time. It never stops at just one night, that's the great lie.
And the relief I'm looking for can't be found in a substance. I know this, because I tried finding it there and all it brought me was more problems.
Hope your new baby starts sleeping through the night for you soon. I remember those days of having little ones, enjoy it! The time goes by so quickly and you will never regret being sober and present for your children.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
Changing,
I am really sorry. When my two children were that small, I felt I was in a constant massive hungover (and I was not drinking at all). I did not have to deal with the level of stress you are dealing with at all.
Please remember: you have just gone through the emotional and physical ordeal of pregnancy, childbirth and now a new born. Your body (all your hormones and the physical trauma that the process involves) and your mind are extremely fragile. This is true for all mothers, even those with all the help in the world and those who go into 'in love' mood with their baby.
You need protection and someone to look after you. You don't have that. It sucks. It is not fair. A lot of what you are experiencing is the same that you would experience in better circumstances. But yours are worse. It is not good for your children to grow up around an addict. It will impact them forever.
Yet, you are not in a position to handle this now. In my view, you should not take another burden. You should take yourself to the GP, tell him you are struggling, you can't cope, you feel you should be able to do this by yourself, etc. Everything you are saying are alarm bells that might point out to post-natal depression. Please reach out. Detach emotionally from your husband. Pretend it is the unwanted family member you have to cope with in the house. Don't do anything for him. Let him deal with his issues and detach, detach.
Keep posting and please, please reach out to your doctor/midwives/etc.. about you. Once you are better, you can look into other things.
I am really sorry. When my two children were that small, I felt I was in a constant massive hungover (and I was not drinking at all). I did not have to deal with the level of stress you are dealing with at all.
Please remember: you have just gone through the emotional and physical ordeal of pregnancy, childbirth and now a new born. Your body (all your hormones and the physical trauma that the process involves) and your mind are extremely fragile. This is true for all mothers, even those with all the help in the world and those who go into 'in love' mood with their baby.
You need protection and someone to look after you. You don't have that. It sucks. It is not fair. A lot of what you are experiencing is the same that you would experience in better circumstances. But yours are worse. It is not good for your children to grow up around an addict. It will impact them forever.
Yet, you are not in a position to handle this now. In my view, you should not take another burden. You should take yourself to the GP, tell him you are struggling, you can't cope, you feel you should be able to do this by yourself, etc. Everything you are saying are alarm bells that might point out to post-natal depression. Please reach out. Detach emotionally from your husband. Pretend it is the unwanted family member you have to cope with in the house. Don't do anything for him. Let him deal with his issues and detach, detach.
Keep posting and please, please reach out to your doctor/midwives/etc.. about you. Once you are better, you can look into other things.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I take really seriously the stories of relapse here. They are a stark reminder of my reality. When someone says "I drank and ended up right back where I was, and worse" I believe them. And remind myself that I am no different. The same will happen for me.
2 kids is hard but you can do it. Imagine doing what you are doing hung over?
Read stories here and plug your name into them. Because that is what will happen. Hang in there. It'll get better.
2 kids is hard but you can do it. Imagine doing what you are doing hung over?
Read stories here and plug your name into them. Because that is what will happen. Hang in there. It'll get better.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Location: Canada
Posts: 48
Thank you guys
I think my husband using has been harder on me because I see how much energy he has while he is high on meth and I need energy but not feom meth clearly.
My mom called me this morning just to talk and I ended up crying on the phone for no reason. I think she got worried so now both my parents are on their way here. I know they will help even if I did not ask for it. They should be here in about 30 minutes!
I think my husband using has been harder on me because I see how much energy he has while he is high on meth and I need energy but not feom meth clearly.
My mom called me this morning just to talk and I ended up crying on the phone for no reason. I think she got worried so now both my parents are on their way here. I know they will help even if I did not ask for it. They should be here in about 30 minutes!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
I (obviously) know nothing about you but I am super happy to know there is some kind of network for you. Would it be a possibility to live with your parents for a week or two until you feel better? If you have a partner who is high and you have to managed relationships/cover-up whatever,it may be easier to say you need help and it is easier to go to them than displacing them. It would give you a real boundary from your partner too.
No idea about highs on meth and whether your partner uses the energy to be a hands-on father for some periods of time, but I am sure the lows are not great and last longer. Whatever the circumstances, try to protect yourself and reach out everywhere you can. And keep posting if it helps you.
No idea about highs on meth and whether your partner uses the energy to be a hands-on father for some periods of time, but I am sure the lows are not great and last longer. Whatever the circumstances, try to protect yourself and reach out everywhere you can. And keep posting if it helps you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Location: Canada
Posts: 48
My parents are here now amd I was able to sleep for 3 hours this afternoon ! The longest time I have slept in the last 3 weeks.
I could go live with my parents for a bit but I would be too worried about my husband. He becomes very depressed and suicidal after some time on meth. I feel it's safer for me to stay here
I could go live with my parents for a bit but I would be too worried about my husband. He becomes very depressed and suicidal after some time on meth. I feel it's safer for me to stay here
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
so glad you got a bit of rest. might one of your parents be able to stay with you for a while?
“I haven't posted the last few days because even though I now have 2 years clean I have been struggling really bad.“
this is kinda backwards: the time to stay connected is especially that time of struggle.
you have a very full plate and if you find SR supportive to you, use it for all it’s worth.
“I haven't posted the last few days because even though I now have 2 years clean I have been struggling really bad.“
this is kinda backwards: the time to stay connected is especially that time of struggle.
you have a very full plate and if you find SR supportive to you, use it for all it’s worth.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
Originally Posted by ChangingODAAT
My parents are here now amd I was able to sleep for 3 hours this afternoon ! The longest time I have slept in the last 3 weeks.
I could go live with my parents for a bit but I would be too worried about my husband. He becomes very depressed and suicidal after some time on meth. I feel it's safer for me to stay here
I could go live with my parents for a bit but I would be too worried about my husband. He becomes very depressed and suicidal after some time on meth. I feel it's safer for me to stay here
What I know is that you need to be looked after yourself and you should go with your parents for a couple of weeks. Your children will be more settled too and it will be easier to look after them. Perhaps only 3 or 4 days.
If you have dealt with addiction yourself, you know better than anybody else your husband's safety is not truly linked to you.
Be kind to yourself.
How old is your new baby? Are your parents staying a bit longer? Is there a plan for them to come from time to time?
I hope you manage to sleep a bit more.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 51
You've got a lot going on there so absolutely no apologies necessary. The two baby club is definitely different than the one baby club, but you will find a new normal. The lack of sleep and husband drinking are two huge stressors for you. Please stay sober. Those babies need you clean. You ARE the cavalry and their everything - both figuratively and literally.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
[QUOTE=ChangingODAAT;7237942
I could go live with my parents for a bit but I would be too worried about my husband. He becomes very depressed and suicidal after some time on meth. I feel it's safer for me to stay here[/QUOTE]
its safer for YOU to be around someone that may be suicidal?
do you know how many murder suicides have occured because one person in the relationship didnt get away from the insanity?
you there or not- meth WILL make a person depressed and suicidal.
I could go live with my parents for a bit but I would be too worried about my husband. He becomes very depressed and suicidal after some time on meth. I feel it's safer for me to stay here[/QUOTE]
its safer for YOU to be around someone that may be suicidal?
do you know how many murder suicides have occured because one person in the relationship didnt get away from the insanity?
you there or not- meth WILL make a person depressed and suicidal.
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