Thursdays

I’’m so tired! I had a show this weekend and worked both days. I go back to work in two weeks and have another show this weekend out of town. I have school supplies to buy and house to clean and a sleep deficit to manage. I’m so exhausted.

Divorce is moving forward, finances are being settled and STBX is grinding me about when I get paid from both jobs bc he has bills to pay. He’s also grinding me about quality time with child: “oh you’re planning on spending some time with DS this afternoon because I need to look for jobs (this has been going on since March, never mind the two + jobs he turned down for... reasons).

I didn’t respond or JADE or even really get into anything with him. I smiled and said happily I’ll be spending time with DS this afternoon and $$ will be deposited within the next couple of days in our joint. It’s useless to get angry and only gives him the drama and attention he so desperately seeks but I am worn freaking out! I’m worn out from all the work I’m doing and all the sleep I’m missing and the chaos of a dirty house. I’m worn out from using my anti-drama shield constantly not engaging in drama. It’s at 30% efficacy.

How do I fill my well, let go of resentment and internal screaming matches in my head?

Alanon meeting tomorrow night.

hopeful4

Do you have a therapist? That helped me so much. You are doing the right thing by minimal responses and not feeding into it. Eventually you will just do that automatically and you will not feel anything when you do so. It takes a while, but it will happen.

Keep moving forward! Big hugs!

Mango212

"How do I fill my well, let go of resentment and internal screaming matches in my head?"

Asking for a sponsor helped me greatly with this. The positive focus of taking a new healthy action is powerful.

Emotional and physical exhaustion is often caused by stress. Layers of stress can run deep, so practicing new skills will also run deep as they take the place of go-to protective measures that are no longer working, and may be now identified as being out of balance or not healthy.

Four things that made a huge difference for me:

Naturopathic doctors.

Time in nature and grounding/earthing.
https://fractalenlightenment.com/146...-earths-energy

A 2-do list. Putting 2 things on a list to be done for the day and anything beyond that was a bonus gift.

Al-Anon phone lists. Reaching out, connecting with others in new ways, getting outside my comfort zone and giving myself new skills.

The Just for Today bookmark also helped bolster my energy on many days.

AnvilheadII

a cleaning service is fairly inexpensive. they might not do everything exactly the way you would, but you can get floors swept/mopped, carpets vaccumed, bathrooms cleaned, etc. that can go a long way to easing that burden.

unless your child starts school in the next week, you don't HAVE to do all the school shopping NOW. don't forget the magic of The Google where shopping is at your finger tips.

GET SOME REST. take a day or two and just REST. order take out or do frozen somethings that don't require 14 pots, pans and utensils. watch mindless tv. nap. stay in your jammies. just do it. the dust will wait, the laundry will wait. assuming you aren't scheduled for an organ transplant that day, it can alllllll wait!!!!

Thursdays