I just had a moment...
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Join Date: Jan 2019
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I just had a moment...
This orning i observed to AH that he had had a nasty bit of reflux overnight. Probs the bit of cheese he ate before bed, not the 2 bottles of wine...
Anyway, he snapped at me saying that "you just have to point it out every time, dont you?"
i replied yes, as it woke me up at 445am and ive been awake ever since.
Thats all he's said to me all day.
So, I'm a bit mad, and thrown a pile of things that dont belong upstairs over the balcony to downstairs. Gosh it felt good at the time, but now i just feel crushed.
How did I become this monster?????
Years and years of not being heard and pushed away. Years of being in the NPD/A s#$tstorm, and only really having clarity on it since joining you lovely people on here.
Anyway, he snapped at me saying that "you just have to point it out every time, dont you?"
i replied yes, as it woke me up at 445am and ive been awake ever since.
Thats all he's said to me all day.
So, I'm a bit mad, and thrown a pile of things that dont belong upstairs over the balcony to downstairs. Gosh it felt good at the time, but now i just feel crushed.
How did I become this monster?????
Years and years of not being heard and pushed away. Years of being in the NPD/A s#$tstorm, and only really having clarity on it since joining you lovely people on here.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,631
Originally Posted by Wombaticus 
How did I become this monster?????
I'm sure throwing things downstairs is not your regular m.o. - so where does that come from?
That anger/frustration/resentment must come out somewhere. Whether that's raising your voice to someone you didn't want to, snapping at someone that does not deserve it, throwing things over a rail.
Or there are other ways. Depression, anxiety.
Alcoholism affects everyone around it.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
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You spoke an inconvenient truth Wombat. Oh, the reflux I had when I was still drinking! Strangely I embarked on the road to sobriety when (can't think of what it's called) I had a camera down my throat and they saw my stomach entrance (once again, can't think what it's called!) was inflamed. I asked my doc whether it could be from drinking - he said 'but you don't drink do you?' and that's when I told him. 2 months later I was sober.
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Originally Posted by Seren
Nope, it doesn't sound "poor me" at all. It sounds like someone who is beginning to realize how much she has changed into someone she doesn't want to be while living with active alcoholism.
I've been the "crazy" spouse of a practicing alcoholic. The ways I reacted to his behavior are not my proudest moments. Those were some of my darkest days.
Sorry you are going through this Wom. I am glad you come here to talk to us.
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Join Date: Jul 2019
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Totally understand
I totally understand Have never posted here before so forgive me if I’m not in the right thread. The whole be understanding and supportive is so much easier said by the ones not there!!
Originally Posted by Wombaticus
Cripes, that sounds so 'poor me'. Sorry.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: California
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Wombaticus, I just really do relate to your post. You are not alone. May we find the courage and strength to begin healing ourselves.
I used to dread STBXAH coming to bed after 1-2 bottles of wine or a bunch of beer. He snored all night and the smell was such a huge turnoff. I would be a real monster the next day because I was angry and tired (but rarely had the courage to speak up) and he was a real monster because he was hung over. I write this to remind us that we aren't monsters - we're tired and frustrated with alcohol seeping into so many areas of life.
((hugs))
I used to dread STBXAH coming to bed after 1-2 bottles of wine or a bunch of beer. He snored all night and the smell was such a huge turnoff. I would be a real monster the next day because I was angry and tired (but rarely had the courage to speak up) and he was a real monster because he was hung over. I write this to remind us that we aren't monsters - we're tired and frustrated with alcohol seeping into so many areas of life.
((hugs))
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
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I used to act like a crazy woman too, towards my AH.
I learnt in Al-anon and other programs to detach and focus on myself. I stopped reacting to AH.
I work and live in the Steps and gradually my anger, yelling, throwing things stopped. I feel comfortable in my own skin now.
I learnt in Al-anon and other programs to detach and focus on myself. I stopped reacting to AH.
I work and live in the Steps and gradually my anger, yelling, throwing things stopped. I feel comfortable in my own skin now.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: South Texas, USA
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Feeling great, you likely had an endoscopy that revealed esophagitis or gastritis as a result of reflux. I work in radiology, where we perform upper GIs . We often see the severe results of alcoholic induced conditions and diseases.
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Originally Posted by skippernlilg
Feeling great, you likely had an endoscopy that revealed esophagitis or gastritis as a result of reflux. I work in radiology, where we perform upper GIs . We often see the severe results of alcoholic induced conditions and diseases.
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Originally Posted by PerSe
Wombaticus, I just really do relate to your post. You are not alone. May we find the courage and strength to begin healing ourselves.
I used to dread STBXAH coming to bed after 1-2 bottles of wine or a bunch of beer. He snored all night and the smell was such a huge turnoff. I would be a real monster the next day because I was angry and tired (but rarely had the courage to speak up) and he was a real monster because he was hung over. I write this to remind us that we aren't monsters - we're tired and frustrated with alcohol seeping into so many areas of life.
((hugs))
I used to dread STBXAH coming to bed after 1-2 bottles of wine or a bunch of beer. He snored all night and the smell was such a huge turnoff. I would be a real monster the next day because I was angry and tired (but rarely had the courage to speak up) and he was a real monster because he was hung over. I write this to remind us that we aren't monsters - we're tired and frustrated with alcohol seeping into so many areas of life.
((hugs))
the snoring, apnea, farting, smell and sweat is revolting.
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Wombaticus…..when you ask "why anyone would want to spend a weekend that hung over"...….that is a rhetorical question, right?....lol....
The fact that you can ask that question shows that you are not an alcoholic...and, you think like a non alcoholic.
The overwhelming compulsion that an alcoholic feels, to take a drink, is so powerful....that they are thinking about nothing else, but getting that drink.
It would be similar to you wanting some ice water if you are in the desert, and are beginning to get hydrated.
At your husband's stage, it probably isn't to drink to "feel good'...high...and party . At this stage, it is drinking just to feel "normal" and keep the withdrawl symptoms away......
The fact that you can ask that question shows that you are not an alcoholic...and, you think like a non alcoholic.
The overwhelming compulsion that an alcoholic feels, to take a drink, is so powerful....that they are thinking about nothing else, but getting that drink.
It would be similar to you wanting some ice water if you are in the desert, and are beginning to get hydrated.
At your husband's stage, it probably isn't to drink to "feel good'...high...and party . At this stage, it is drinking just to feel "normal" and keep the withdrawl symptoms away......
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Wombaticus…..when you ask "why anyone would want to spend a weekend that hung over"...….that is a rhetorical question, right?....lol....
The fact that you can ask that question shows that you are not an alcoholic...and, you think like a non alcoholic.
The overwhelming compulsion that an alcoholic feels, to take a drink, is so powerful....that they are thinking about nothing else, but getting that drink.
It would be similar to you wanting some ice water if you are in the desert, and are beginning to get hydrated.
At your husband's stage, it probably isn't to drink to "feel good'...high...and party . At this stage, it is drinking just to feel "normal" and keep the withdrawl symptoms away......
The fact that you can ask that question shows that you are not an alcoholic...and, you think like a non alcoholic.
The overwhelming compulsion that an alcoholic feels, to take a drink, is so powerful....that they are thinking about nothing else, but getting that drink.
It would be similar to you wanting some ice water if you are in the desert, and are beginning to get hydrated.
At your husband's stage, it probably isn't to drink to "feel good'...high...and party . At this stage, it is drinking just to feel "normal" and keep the withdrawl symptoms away......
Last night we had a neighbour over for a drink...of course.
AH told him that alcoholics can drink a 4 litre cask of wine a day and have withdrawal seizures.
ummm ...hello???
major case of denial
just because youre not sitting in the gutter drinking cheap wine doesnt mean you're not hurting your family and you wont be there one day..
Still, shows that my challenging himabout his reflux cut through - he's obviously been on Dr google!
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Originally Posted by skippernlilg
Feeling great, you likely had an endoscopy that revealed esophagitis or gastritis as a result of reflux. I work in radiology, where we perform upper GIs . We often see the severe results of alcoholic induced conditions and diseases.
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