Day 1 after a relapse
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 71
Day 1 after a relapse
Hi guys I'm back on day 1 I'm so upset with myself as I nearly had 2 months I made myself so ill was horrible and abusive and said the most hurtful things to the person I love who sticks by me and forgives me and even tells me not to beat myself up I just can't ever forgive myself for how I've acted after doing so well my home looks like a tornado has been through it and I'm covered in bruises....why do I do this? what on earth makes me feel like putting that stuff in my body is acceptable when I act the way I do all I'm happy for is today I know I won't drink as I would have done waking up to this... going to be on here a lot today I just feel raw lonely and so so disgusted with myself
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 533
Remember, that voice in your head wants you hate yourself. Then you're more likely to drink to escape that pain.
And round and round.
Confess what you did was wrong and correct it. Period. No need to let the AV (what I call the devil) hijack your mind.
And round and round.
Confess what you did was wrong and correct it. Period. No need to let the AV (what I call the devil) hijack your mind.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
It’s insanity isn’t it Louise?
I remember those feelings so well. The anxiety, the shame, the total regret and bafflement that I could have ended up in the same place mentally yet again.
Your post brought back to me all those same feelings.
My advice would be to you to never forget where you are right now, but start moving forward. I’m not sure what you’ve tried to keep sober before but do something completely new....something that seems scary to you, something that takes commitment and that you have to be accountable for...I went on a 12 step retreat and shared a room with people I’d never met and held hands and prayed with people who were equally as desperate as me.
I’ve never looked back and after a few years of slipping and sliding I am in my 4th year of recovery.
I believe you can do this Louise ❤️
I remember those feelings so well. The anxiety, the shame, the total regret and bafflement that I could have ended up in the same place mentally yet again.
Your post brought back to me all those same feelings.
My advice would be to you to never forget where you are right now, but start moving forward. I’m not sure what you’ve tried to keep sober before but do something completely new....something that seems scary to you, something that takes commitment and that you have to be accountable for...I went on a 12 step retreat and shared a room with people I’d never met and held hands and prayed with people who were equally as desperate as me.
I’ve never looked back and after a few years of slipping and sliding I am in my 4th year of recovery.
I believe you can do this Louise ❤️
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 71
Originally Posted by Jeni26 
It’s insanity isn’t it Louise?
I remember those feelings so well. The anxiety, the shame, the total regret and bafflement that I could have ended up in the same place mentally yet again.
Your post brought back to me all those same feelings.
My advice would be to you to never forget where you are right now, but start moving forward. I’m not sure what you’ve tried to keep sober before but do something completely new....something that seems scary to you, something that takes commitment and that you have to be accountable for...I went on a 12 step retreat and shared a room with people I’d never met and held hands and prayed with people who were equally as desperate as me.
I’ve never looked back and after a few years of slipping and sliding I am in my 4th year of recovery.
I believe you can do this Louise ❤️
I remember those feelings so well. The anxiety, the shame, the total regret and bafflement that I could have ended up in the same place mentally yet again.
Your post brought back to me all those same feelings.
My advice would be to you to never forget where you are right now, but start moving forward. I’m not sure what you’ve tried to keep sober before but do something completely new....something that seems scary to you, something that takes commitment and that you have to be accountable for...I went on a 12 step retreat and shared a room with people I’d never met and held hands and prayed with people who were equally as desperate as me.
I’ve never looked back and after a few years of slipping and sliding I am in my 4th year of recovery.
I believe you can do this Louise ❤️
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
I remember hearing in an AA meeting..."My way does not work"....You said something similar in your post about finding another way....
So do the "opposite" of what YOU would do...and maybe that will help as you start this sober journey.
I wish you the best..
So do the "opposite" of what YOU would do...and maybe that will help as you start this sober journey.
I wish you the best..
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
Good morning I feel you. Bet you have that why? Why? Why? Question in your head . then the other voice trys to tell you have a drink that will solve it. My opinion is you have to put that voicw in check feel me. And be firm. You are the boss. Take action starting now. Dont worry about the spilt milk time to get the mop. And prevent the milk from spilling again. I know its kind of a weird metaphor. Keep coming back.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 453
I also started drinking after 2 months sober. It had been the longest time I'd ever been sober. I felt beyond terrible; I've never forgotten. I was distraught.
But I somehow got the courage to start again, completely humbled. I've been sober ever since. So can you.
Use this as a momentum for change. Do something different. Changing from within was key for me.
Don't beat yourself up. Just move on. Eyes forward!
You can do this. Sending good wishes your way.
But I somehow got the courage to start again, completely humbled. I've been sober ever since. So can you.
Use this as a momentum for change. Do something different. Changing from within was key for me.
Don't beat yourself up. Just move on. Eyes forward!
You can do this. Sending good wishes your way.
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